and rudeness.

Word!

2008-05-28T21:45:00.002-06:00

I am so here two days in a row peeps! Can you believe it? I know it is totally late... but I am here. So here's a quicky list of a couple of things that we will be discussing over the next couple of posts.

-I got fired from my job. Yeah. Way to go Ryan! It happened back in April... but to be honest? I havent looked back and missed a thing yet. Was I pissed, angry and upset when it happened? Sure. I am HUMAN, people! But thus far? Best thing ever.

- I chopped all my hair off. I'm not talking a little bit shorter than before... the hair is GONE. Yes, ladies and gentleman... pictures WILL come!!

- My little sweetheart Bubba is about 85% potty trained!! Well, maybe more like 75% but I am a little biased... The only time she wears diapers is at night. And those are normally dry in the morning!! (So, we really COULD say like 90% potty trained right?)

- 80 pounds. Need I say more?

Catch you guys later... I have to head to bed! I have a job interview in the morning... AT SEVEN AM! Can you believe that??? Actually... I know you guys will want to hear all about it. :)

Miss you all!

Hello Blogland, I miss you.

2008-05-27T10:57:00.003-06:00

Long time no Blog. It feels weird sitting here... its been quite awhile, eh? I've been pacing in front of my computer for a couple of days hoping that when I finally sat down to post something, it would be like riding a bike... you never forget how to.

Of course I have novels of stuff to say... today I just wanted to say "Hey. I miss you all. After a six month hiatus, I took THIS step. I actually freaking posted something! Have a great day and see you tomorrow."

...

2007-11-04T21:50:00.001-06:00

All week long I have sat down at my computer and "Signed in" to Blogger with every intention to post but I sit here. And sit here.

And sit here some more...

With nothing to say.

Cause once upon a time I was taught that if you dont have anything nice to say, then you dont have anything to say at all.

When I started blogging I promised myself that I would only blog about happy things. Nice things. Fun things. That there wouldnt be any negativity in what I shared with others. I mean there is the ranting and raving on a normal basis but seriously? That is all surface stuff.

Well. Lets fast forward to were I am now.

I am stuck.

I have so much that I want to share because I want to get it off my chest. But really?

Who would want to hear it?

I want to post happy things about how freaking adorable my daughter is and all the cute things she does every day.

But I cant move past how annoyed, frustrated and DISGUSTED I am with my husband right now.

Or how all I want to do is quit my job because I cant stand how condescending and backstabbing all the bitches I work with are.

Or how terrified I am about mortality and my medical condition.

Or if one of my vehicles breaks down on more time I am going to have a nervous breakdown and beat the thing to DEATH with my bare hands.

Jesus Christ. I cant believe I just said all that. How in the HELL did we think when we were 18 that life was going to be BETTER? HA. Like, all we had to do was move out and everything was going to be FABULOUS?

I mean, dont worry folks, I am MUCH more mature that what you are probably thinking right now. I knew at 18 years old and ONE DAY it wasnt going to be fabulous but damn, I was kinda hoping EVENTUALLY it would get better.

Oy vay. I think it time for bed. Hopefully you made it to the end of this post... and thanks for listening.

OMG yes this is a NEW post!

2007-10-28T20:11:00.001-06:00

I am pretty sure that everyone was beginning to think that I was never coming back... hell... I was beginning to think that I was never going to BE ABLE to come back. Blogging among a hundred other things that I would rather be doing in life has been put on the back burner lately. Such is life though... and here I am now. So lets not be all depressed about it... Let me catch you up on what is going on!!

As of October 17th I am up to 51 lbs lost. I am just a little - ONE POUND - over half way to my goal. YAHOO! It has been a very hard, chocolate free, french fry free road but I FINALLY feel just this month the full affects of my diet and what exactly 51 pounds lost really means.

Stats when I started vs. Current
Pant Size: 22 vs. 16
Shirt Size: 2X vs. L
Bra Size: 42DD vs. 38D

And I have chopped off 14 - 16 total inches of my hair.

My engagement and wedding rings dont even fit anymore. I have to wear my engagement ring on my left hand index finger and my wedding ring on my right hand ring finger. My husband is like, "Guess I know what to get you for Christmas."

Which would normally be an awesome thing for a girl to hear but it kinda makes me sad. My rings arent re-sizeable. But nothing to fret over now... I want to wait until I am at my goal weight and figure out what to do about rings then.

In other news... My little Bubba started daycare about 3 weeks ago. DAYCARE! Did you hear me?! DAYCARE! Can I get a woot! woot! My husband has been staying home with her and doing online classes since I went back to work when she was 7 months old. He is currently in his last semester of school and will need to start looking for a job in his field. We knew Bubba would need to start daycare within the next couple months but quite frankly... IT WAS TIME. Why wait any longer?

She took to daycare so well. I was the one that cried all day. I was the one that called and checked up on HER and had the daycare lady asking ME if I was ok. The first morning of daycare Bubba asked me if she could take her Clifford dog and I said absolutely and she wanted a picture with her AND Clifford.

When I asked her if I could get a picture of just her... she THREW Clifford and said WHY NOT?! Stinker.

Then there was the matter of the little guy that was born a couple weeks early. My middle sister gave birth to a beautiful little boy that we got to go visit and Bubba is VERY PROUD to have a cousin. She kept referring to him as "Him in there sleeping." So I am finally an AUNTIE! YAHOO!

And last but not least... Bubba had her first fishing trip. We went with one of my girlfriends from work and had a wonderful afternoon out on the river. There wasnt a cloud in the sky and hardly any wind. Bubba thought it was the COOLEST thing ever. For some reason I didnt think to grab the camera when she kissed the fish that Girlfriend caught but I am sure that we will do it again!

I know that this has been a "quickie" of an update but I atleast wanted to let you guys know that I am still alive and that I am working on a comeback. Hopefully I will have more time now that my evenings are more freed up with the little one in daycare and asleep my 8.

I cant wait to catch up on everyone elses blogs and I thank you for stopping by and not forgetting about me!

Sometimes I wish life had an Easy Button.

2007-08-13T21:07:00.001-06:00

These last few weeks have completed changed who I am as a person... completely transforming who I am in every aspect of my role on this planet. I feel like I have been STUCK on an emotional and mental rollercoaster ride from hell.

Cause damn... These past few weeks? SSSShhhhhhuuuuuu...

When my friend called me to tell me her son had passed, I fell to pieces. I couldnt wrap my mind around the thought that something so awful, something so terrible, something so horrible could happen like that. So sudden. I ran to her side. And I had no idea what to do. What to be for her. So I just was. I was at her side as much as I could be. And even though it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do... anytime she asks me to be there. I will be. Cause my God... thats the only thing I can do.

The following week I had two great aunts pass away. One on my Dad's side of the family and one on my Mom's side of the family. Both completely special and dear to me in their own unique ways. Both lived full and happy lives totally devoted to their families. Their passings both came on suddenly and hit me hard. My Aunt Wandas passing (My Moms - Dads - sister... you with me?) made me feel like I was losing my Grandpa all over again. Mandacakes explained it very well in her beautiful post dedicated to Aunt Wanda titled With Love and Sorrow.

The night before My Aunts funeral I went to Madison to pick up my sister. We joined my parents the next day and it was good for all of us to be together. My Aunts funeral was beautiful, filled with laughter and stories... just the way she would have wanted it.

There are many other stories and events throughout the past two... almost three weeks that I am sure will come over the next couple weeks that have tested every aspect of my sanity (cause there are some gooood and entertaining stories about work! GRRRR!) but I wanted to at least share some of what has been going on. The last couple of days have been great to be honest though. Thank goodness there is good stuff to report too! One of my sisters is expecting and her baby shower was this weekend and my daughter turns three on Monday... my little baby is going to be THREE. THREE!

THREE!! Did you hear me?

Goodness. My Moms birthday is next Wednesday so we had a combination DAUGHTER-slash-MOM birthday WHOPPER of a party on Saturday! Pictures will definitely be coming soon.

I have missed everyone and hope to hop back into Blogland soon. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and emails over the last couple days. They have meant ALOT to me.

Please, please, please say a prayer...

2007-08-02T06:27:00.001-06:00

This precious, precious little Angel passed away very suddenly yesterday morning....

...and my heart is just broken for his Momma...and his entire family...

I have no idea what to say or do or how to be a friend in a situation like this. But I am going to do my best. This is my best friend of all time from high school. This isnt suppose to happen. What am I going to say? This there anything you can say?

Please say a prayer. Oh my God. Say alot of them.

In rememberance...

2007-07-27T07:52:00.000-06:00

I am taking some lines from another posts I did last year because I feel that I cant put some the these words any better than I did then.

Not a day goes by that I actually even start to believe for a split second that time heals a broken heart. Not one bit.

On July 27, 2005 my grandmother without any warning passed away, on her way out the door to a doctors appointment. Just 4 days after seeing Bubba walk for the first time.

When I see monarch butterfly I always think of my grandma. There was no tie to her and this butterfly in the real world, the day of her funeral one followed me around. In moments when I find it unbearable to think of her without breaking into tears, I see one. And I think of her. And it comforts me.

At my darkest times. I see one.

At my happiest times. I see one.

There always seems to be one flying around... right when I need it. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is her... making sure that I am okay.

I love you grandma. Always and forever. Until the end of time. Until I can join you again and we can laugh over coffee and catch up on all the soaps... oh, and bake some cookies!

My concept of "Normal" has changed.

2007-07-22T20:27:00.000-06:00

The days have just been flying by. I have started this annoying habit of forgetting what day it is all together and saying things like, "Have a great weekend!" on a Tuesday or "Arent you so glad it is Friday?!" on Sunday. My husband just shakes his head and I am more than 100% sure that he is thinking, "Thats my wife! Cant remember what day it is. But at least she remembers to wear pants in public and 9.7 out of 10 times has on a bra!"

Oy vay.

And speaking of meds!... I am into week 3 of yet another medication my doctors in Madison thought would be a good idea to try. My sister went with me at the beginning of July, just days after coming home from Austria, to met all of the doctors that had promised her to keep me alive. (And really, I dont mean to make it sound like the doctors were forcing anything on me... I was still having a lot of migraines and problems that lead them to believe the next step was to be on a daily migraine preventative.)

This particular medicine has sent me on quite a ride. It is one of those that you cant just jump into. You have to gradually work your way up to a full dose. And due to my bodies lack of tolerance to anything drug related (yes, I was a very cheap date back in the day... 3 beers... I AM DRUNK!) I will not even be on the full dose once I reach what my "full dose" will be. By the way... just because I am was a cheap date... didnt mean I was easy.

Just wanted to make that clear.

When the Neurologist was running through the 5 options I had for medications, I was quite stunned at my choices.

1. Dont get pregnant. Possibility of SEVERE BIRTH DEFECTS. Uhm... ok. HELL NO.

2. Slurred speech. Blurred vision. Slower thought process and possible temporary loss of short term memory. Well, jesus Christ... HELL THE F NO! I have some of those problems already... lets not make them WORSE!

3. Its actually an antidepressant. Could make you really tired. Possible weight gain. YIKES! Husband would probably like the antidepressant part but WEIGHT! GAIN! PLEASE NO!

4. You wont sweat. You will have dry mouth. You will need to make sure and stay hydrated. Drink lots of water. And may lose weight. I'm sorry. What was that last thing again? Cause I thought you said lose weight?

5. This one will lower your blood pressure a little. So you will have to be careful standing quickly or lifting anything heavy. Dont want you passing out. Oh, good thing I dont have a TODDLER or anything doctor.

So, you can imagine which one I chose. HELLO! losing some weight!! When he left the room to get his prescription pad other than making google eyes at my neurologist and dry humping the air (okay, so he is darn sexy!) my sister was like, can I have a messed up brain too, you bitch?!

Okay, so la-dee-dah-dee-da lucky me. Lets fast forward a couple weeks and set a couple things straight. There were a few things that my sexy neurologist DIDNT inform me. A couple days into my new weight lose wonder drug... I mean... migraine preventative, I noticed that I was constantly thirsty. And I am not just talking a little sip here and there. I am talking DOWNING AN ENTIRE 20 oz. bottle of water in one breath. ONE BREATH! Like 10 of those a day. Which ok. I need to drink water.

But I think I have tripled my toilet paper budget for the month. I am scared to see my water bill.

My arms and legs easily go numb. And are always tingly. I didnt think too much of it but once I hit the second week of my medication and my increased dose... and I was sitting at work, doing my normal everyday things when my face went numb. Okay. Freaky. I got out my nuerologists number. Then it felt like BUGS were crawling all over my face! OMG! It freaked me the HELL OUT! So I called him up. Finally got through... and his response?

Oh yeah, thats normal. Its a side effect. Lets keep you at this dose another week. Drink a lot more water. And try and take in more potassium in your diet.

Normal?! BUGS CRAWLING ALL OVER YOUR FACE IS NORMAL?!

Oh, good. Cause damn. I felt a little crazy there...

The more I started looking into this medication, I started seeing that DAMN! there are a lot of side effects that are pretty freaky.

More common side effects may include: abdominal pain, abnormal coordination, abnormal vision, agitation, anxiety, hallucinations, headache, hearing difficulties, hot flushes, hyperactivity, impotence, increased sweating, involuntary muscle movement, irritable bladder, joint pain, kidney stones, loss of balance, loss of consciousness, low sex drive, mood swings, confusion, constipation, depression, difficulty with concentration, difficulty with memory, dizziness, menstrual problems, mood problems, nausea, nervousness, muscle ache, muscle tension, muscle weakness, nosebleeds, painful or difficult urination, personality problems, appetite loss, back pain, breast pain, chest pain, double vision, drowsiness, fatigue, flu-like symptoms, indigestion, language problems, leg pain, loss of coordination, nose inflammation, rash, sinusitis, slowing of movements, sore throat, speech problems, tingling or burning sensations, tremors, weakness, weight loss.

Long list huh? I am not saying that I have all of them. But I have noticed some of them. Slighty. And I cant expect everything to be trumpets and rainbows when taking medicine but at a couple points over the last few weeks I felt a little "off" to say the least. (Like, I dont want to go into crazy detail or anything either but I had my freaking period TWICE in the last 3 weeks as well. NOT COOL!)

However, on a happier note, I had another neurology appointment just a couple days ago with a doctor who is much closer to home. YEAH! This appointment was more of a "Hi. Nice to meet you. We know everything that is wrong, but I dont like driving so far away. Wanna take a look inside my crazy head and give me prescriptions whenever I need them? Oh, and can I call you when weird stuff happens to me. Like it feels like I have bugs crawling all over my face? Thanks."

And at that appointment... when I stepped on the scale... I AM UP TO 29 lbs. LOST!!! Yahoo! I can probably attribute quite a bit of that to my haircut. LOL. Cause I did get quite a bit chopped off. Yeah, that's it... not like all the damn celery, cucumber and carrots I eat had ANYTHING to do with it!

Speaking of haircut... Nailgirl had asked me a couple weeks ago, "Did you straighten your hair?? Cuz I so thought that it was curly like mine." and I thought I would comment back on that! Yeah, I have naturally curly hair, but of course, I have always wanted STRAIGHT! HAIR! So when I first got it cut, I wanted to STRAIGHTEN! it the moment I got home. And when I did, while I liked it... I didnt like it as much as I thought I would.

So I pretty much wear my hair like this all the time!

And you know, there is something funny
about going into the bathroom, with your camera to take pictures of yourself...
It almost seems "dirty."

Feeling the love... even though I have been busy as heck.

2007-07-20T00:05:00.000-06:00

Things have been so crazy around my house lately (ie. Bubba being so darn needy, sister coming home, construction, vehicle woes, dishes, vacuuming, laundry... damn laundry, work, doctors visits... you name it... its gotta be done and its gotta be done RIGHT! NOW!) and I just havent had any time for... well... anything... pretty much anything other than the essentials, which leaves me with no time to do any fun stuff like PLAY WITH MY NEW HAIR...

...OR blogging, and that means posting... and I am sure you are all tired of coming over here to be disappointed day in and day out to see that I havent posted anything new or anything of real substance in like, what, WEEKS? And I have been feeling really bad for being a bad commenter/reader on everyones elses blogs for... uhm... what... WEEKS?! So I have been really trying hard to spend a good amount of time catching up with each of you personally. No serious. Go check your stats. I'm the stalker. You see the 37 page views? And the same IP like 10 times in a row? Cause I was in your flickr... out of flickr... clicked on a link... back a page... forward a page... you know what I am talking about...

Edited to Add: Sadly I started this post 6 days ago... really sad huh? So I am once again catching up but the funny part... everything up to this point... Is STILL true!!! Jesus!

ANYWAYS...

What I am trying to get at? I was over loving all over the Mommy Chronicles this evening (6 days ago) when I saw that she gave me this 10 DAYS AGO (now 16):

And I am honored! And I am appreciative! And I totally blushed! And then I was like... Man, I totally suck. And then I left her a comment that pretty much said what I just said above but I think I used the word totally about 300 more times than that with an ungodly amount of explanation points.

But I feel like I totally suck because, damn. 10 days ago. I wasnt even there to receive my prize when she handed them out. And she got out the sparkly confetti and EVERYTHING. So thank you girl. YOU! TOTALLY! ROCK! And I am honored that you think I rock. Cause really? I think YOU ROCK WAAAAY more than I do!!

So thank you! So much!

And I promise to everyone if you come back soon, I will have something of SUBSTANCE to read. Cause I have a few things brewing...

It's not always all about me... I promise.

2007-07-19T06:29:00.000-06:00

Here I have been talking about my new haircut... which by the way... I STILL ABSOLUTELY LOVE!!... and I forgot to mention that I got my little Bubbas haircut again as well. And boy is she ever a cutie. And when I got the camera out and told her I wanted to take a picture of her new haircut, I was AMAZED when she even looked RIGHT at me AND smiled. Cause normally? She closes her eyes, scrunches up her face and says NO! PICKA-TURES! MOMMA!

Random things heard from our household yesterday

2007-07-12T07:01:00.000-06:00

Bubba: "I want macaroni and cheese for breakfast!"
And you know what... that is EXACTLY what she had too.

Me to Husband: "I need to pick up Q-tips and ketchup from the store... think I should buy some condoms too and freak out the cashier AGAIN?"
I swear, I buy the weirdest shit together sometimes. And its not really planned that way. Its usually the 2 or 3 things I forget and have to go back for. Cause I NEVER get everything I need to first go round. Can I get an amen to that?

Bubba: "Momma, I wanna go to college."
I dont know where she got this phrase. Or when she learned the word "college" but she reassured me about 4.8 million times she was going to CAAAH-llege. She makes me so proud!

Husband: "...then we will just put our all of our savings towards Target."
That's right girls. THATS EXACTLY WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO HEAR! Especially when sitting down and working on the bills.

Me to my Mechanic: "Yeah, I could drive my other car but I feel like a sexy soccer Mom in my van."
Do I need to explain myself on this one?

You'll never find a dull moment around here

2007-07-10T22:00:00.000-06:00

I am just amazed at the craziest and silliest things that my daughter does. Finds. Gets into. And does. She will find the oddest thing, plop it on her head and run around for hours calling herself whatever making me laugh hysterically even though I am desperately trying to, say, get her to eat or take a nap. You know, those annoying things Mom's are always trying to get their kids to do.

And I know I am not alone here, when you are trying so hard to be STERN! and FIRM! but you crack a little laugh or mix your words and have to throw your hands in the air and walk away cause how can you be serious! when your child has opened up a packet of taco seasoning and has it smeared all over their face and hair?

So since I have been staying home more duri ng the week, I have been trying to get more pictures of Bubba's extreme "silliness" and while unfortunately I dont have the TACO SEASONING PACKET FIASCO OF 2007 I have captured a few other moments...

My cousin sent me these socks for Christmas and
Bubba wore them all day calling herself Bubba! Big! Socks!

One morning I found her like this...
I am NEVER going to be ready for her to be in a toddler bed!

This is Bubba's version of helping me with the laundry.
And every time I told her to get down,
and then I stepped out of the room.
There she was AGAIN. Saying, "Momma! I! HELP!"

At the park... We must have stuck our tongues out at each other for...

oh...
THIRTY MINUTES STRAIGHT...
and giggled the whole time.
Cause that is just the FUNNIEST THING EVA!

Making sure THIS post FOLLOWED the post about my sweet innocent little Angel of a daughter so it didnt SEEM so bad to be a R-RATED Blog

2007-07-10T21:30:00.000-06:00

I was over visiting Life Unscripted's blog (And GAWWD I just LOOVE her... if you havent been there, GET THERE!) this evening and realized that SOMEHOW I never noticed this cool "test" she did so I hopped right on the bandwagon... cause everyone knows I am a group following cliff jumper! and my results were that:

Am I hurt? Am I crushed?

Did I know this is exactly what it would say? Am I nodding my head yes so hard it is about to fall off? YES MA'AM I AM!

What surprised me was the REASON/WORDS that made my blog R-Rated:

hell (9x) , sex (3x), ass (2x), bitch (1x)

Cause I SO thought I said BITCH way more than THAT and since when did "FUCK" not make the "Top 10 Bad Words to Say in a Blog List?" If it had? My blog would probably be XXX Rated or something.

But whatever...

So I guess to make sure that I can stick up to my R-Rated-ness... I wanted everyone to know that in THIS picture... where I am ONCE AGAIN... as in TWO DAYS IN A ROW... showing off my way cool new haircut... because after 24 hours I am STILL in love with it... I am not wearing ANY pants.

Shame on me.

You know when...

2007-07-09T23:03:00.000-06:00

You finished a HUGE project and don’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything?

Like something is missing…

So…

You rearranged your ENTIRE house (ie “The Furniture”) and THROW OUT a whole bunch of stuff and STILL don’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything?

So, you do that ONE THING you know will more than likely do the trick?

The one thing that will fill “The Hole.”

That’s right girls, you guessed it…

I CHOPPED ALL MY HAIR OFF!

And let me tell yeah, THAT did the trick!

(Now, dear Blogland friends O Mine, I do realize that I really haven't EVER uploaded a picture of myself so you dont have ANYTHING to go off of... in terms of long hair vs. short hair... chopped it all off vs. just got a trim... but trust me this is HUGE. And I am loving it. And feeling great. Apparently GREAT enough to ACTUALLY upload a picture! Cause someone even told me today, "Geez Ryan, those pants are HANGING off of you, How much weight HAVE YOU LOST?" so I am on like the HIGH OF A LIFETIME right now... this moment... today... and I am sure when I come off of it I will be like OMG! DID! I! UPLOAD! THAT! and JEEZ! I have like eighteen trillion chins but right now? THIS is my favorite picture of myself. Even if my eyebrows are COMPLETELY whacked out and in DESPERATE NEED OF A MOWING and it was like 3 MILLION degrees in the bathroom and I had UMPTEEN BILLION little hairs poking me all over from my haircut and I couldnt figure out how in the world to take a picture of MYSELF? Like HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT?! Ahem.)

Okay, I gotta go so I can "play" with my hair.

About freaking time...

2007-07-07T23:38:00.000-06:00

My sister... you know the silly one... the one with the HUGE HAIRY ___...THAT SISTER, she. is. home. FINALLY.

And its about damn time too. Cause right there towards the end I was missing her an awful lot and was calling her quite a bit and always "accidentally" waking her up her up at all hours of the night and morning because I couldnt get through my head that she was like 6 or 7 hours AHEAD of our time.

You know... OUR time... back here... in these here "states."

And after driving five hours with my parents in their tiny little car and talking about Rush Limbaugh and what a sweet little girl I still am (cause somehow I still have my parents fooled) wouldnt you know that little butthead made sure she was the last. one. off. the. damn. plane.

Like right at the point my parents and I were going to have a CONNIPTION FIT thinking my sister never made it out of PARIS, she came strolling down the corridor. And after we ATTACKED her with love and hugs and kisses and smiles and giggles and more hugs the FIRST THING she said was, "SPEAK TO ME IN ENGLISH PLEASE!"

She has been in Austria speaking German for the last six months and was in desperate need of our sexy nasally Yankee English. Apparently. Although I have been told many times, "Ryan, where are you from? You dont have an accent at all?"

What in the hell is that suppose to mean anyways?! I guess the word "Yall" that I slip into every. sentence. I. can. doesnt count for ANYTHING. damnit.

So now that my sister is home I will be doing my best to steal her away from all the important things she is suppose to be doing like finding a job and moving into her new duplex, so we can just hang out, be sisters and catch up on everything. And like I have said before, it was only this last year that my sister and I really started to connect so I fully intent on picking up were we left off. Cause I think before last year the last time I liked her was when we were under the age of ten and making forts all over the house and playing doctor.

Have a SAFE and HAPPY 4th!!

2007-07-04T08:57:00.000-06:00

Draining my sanity and pocketbook.

2007-07-04T08:03:00.000-06:00

If someone were to ask for directions to my house at this moment in time, my directions would consist of phrases like, “Yeah, see that cloud of dust in the air on the horizon? Drive towards that,” or “You’ll come up on a sign that says ROAD CLOSED, ignore it,” or “Make sure you drive far to the left once you turn onto Bumblefuck Avenue, cause you will bottom out otherwise.”

The Great city of Bumblefuck, in which I am currently imprisoned in, thought it would be a fabulous idea to divert traffic from the highway to RIGHT INFRONT OF MY HOUSE. They are tearing up the road and installing new water pipes and shoulders and telephone polls and everything else that highways need and that our highway was currently lacking.

I understand the construction happens. I understand that in order for us here in Bumblefuck to begin to catch up with rest of the world we have to grow. We have to have 2 lane highways with SHOULDERS. And for that, I am willing to applaud my little town for “moving Forward.”

But.

How for the LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY did they think that diverting traffic IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE was a good idea? It is literally the ONLY gravel road in all of Bumblefuck. ONE BLOCK... ONE. SHORT. BEARLY. ONE. LANE. BLOCK. And the road construction diversion of 2007 starts on THIS said block.

In front of my house.

Gravel road.

Lots of extra traffic.

Gravel...

You see where I am going here? Gravel = Dirt. Which equals a very pissed off and annoyed Ryan. All this traffic has created a very large amount of dust in the air. And of course we in Wisconsin are known for our "red gravel." So there is a thick layer of this healthy reddish/orange shit EVERYWHERE. Like lets take a look see at my van. It only took 3 days for it to look like this.

Just straight COVERED in dirt. Sure, I can go get a car wash... and I have gotten several... but that costs money. And I dont have THAT just readily available. And speaking of not having money for all the car washes, I figured I would try this approach:

I got several honks on the WAY to the car wash but the Mayor didnt SUDDENLY appear out of nowhere and fork over any cash. Bastard.

After about a week of the construction beginning I started noticing little things that have even furthered my hate for the road diversion from hell. I have bought more windshield wiper fluid in the last week than I have in 5 years. Like 2 bottles already. Jesus.

And you can see with the picture below... the dirt adds up. Fine layer... QUICKLY.

So combined with the fact that us here in Wisconsin dont believe in air conditioners... I have all the windows in my house open with fans blowing to cool off every square inch of my house. Which of course is only HELPING the dust from OUTSIDE come INSIDE.

It. is. everywhere.

I cant keep my bathroom sink clean. I cant leave my towel from the shower on the back of the bathroom door... cause whats the point in showering if I dry off with DIRT? I cant leave the CLEAN dishes in the dish rack for more than 30 seconds.

I am so tired of dusting. And dusting. I have used all of my cleaning supplies.

I have noticed that my husband, Bubba and I have all had stuffy, runny noses. There goes all the Kleenex.

Then yesterday my husband hands me his BRAND NEW GLASSES and says, "Look at all the scratches?! What in the hell is going on?! My glasses are damn near ruined and I dont understand!!"

Then it clicked.

We both looked at each other with big eyes and said "DAMNIT!" in unison. Yeah, thats right. All the dust in the air... all the dust on our glasses... is also all over our clothing... so we are just GRINDING the dirt right into our glasses when we clean them off.

Nice huh?

All the amount of complaining we have done to the city, my landlord and the police has done NOTHING. There are other ways to divert this traffic. Think they are listening? Of course not! Not to mention that as they have diverted traffic, the city sends out these HUGE trucks to "grate" the road (because... you know... GRAVEL roads become POT HOLE OBSTACLE COURSES FROM HELL with the amount of traffic out there and instead of doing this DAILY why not just divert traffic to a PAVED ROAD?!) and as they do this... the make the road WIDER with each and every day that passes. I can no longer park either of our vehicles perpendicular to the house. We have to park them sideways and just about ON THE FRONT PORCH to keep them from being out in the road.

I am sorry to say this but I doubt this will be the last time you hear about this. It has "infected" every function of my normal day life and I just cant stand it anymore.

Jesus... I totally freaked out the cashier today.

2007-06-29T08:17:00.001-06:00

I bought only four things...
Why the hell do you think she freaked out?

1. Latex free condoms.
2. KY Warming Sensation Jelly.
3. Sandwich bags.
4. Plastic Pizza Cutter.

I mean, I guess I can see that these particular four items are a little weird put together but you would have thought I bought handcuffs, a knife, the "WARMING SENSATION SEX GEL" and the "CONDOMS THAT ARE USED FOR SEX."

The cashier pulled a plastic bag from the "plastic bag holder thing" and the moment she scanned each item... SHOVED! them into the bag as quickly as possible! Handed it to me... BEFORE I EVEN KNEW THE TOTAL... looked the other way and mumbled something about me "Having a great night."

As I handled her some cash to pay for my WILD NIGHT OF CRAZY WEIRD SEX, I was like, "Oh, those items dont "go" together or anything."

Check out this contest!

2007-06-29T07:41:00.000-06:00

Shelly is at it again over at This Eclectic Life with her This Blog Blows up My Dress Contest and you should hop on over, read the rules and enter your funniest post on file!!

I have entered this post... after a little editing... darn my effing cursing!
Hope to see you enter something too! And BEST OF LUCK!
Deadline is July 5th at HIGH NOON!

EEEEEE!

2007-06-27T08:08:00.000-06:00

Mrs. Flinger totally rocked my world today by nominating me for this:

Mrs. Flinger.

Me.

She. nominated. ME!

I didnt think it was possible to love her EVEN MORE.

So, if you feel lead... and I would NEVER FORCE you... please go over and vote for me.

Cause WOW... she nominated me and everything!! And maybe I could work my way higher than PAGE 54 in the list of all the other really cool Parenting Blogs nominated.

Always give 100% at Work.

2007-06-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

Sounds about right for me. You?

Letter of Love

2007-06-26T07:15:00.000-06:00

Dear IT,

First of all, I would like to start with a thank you. Thank you for our new computers. Its about fucking time... I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown but you finally came through. I have a new computer at work. Dont mind the fact that it isnt working properly and NOTHING was installed the way it was suppose to be installed... thank you for the new computer.

I mean, the new computers have only been LOCKED away in the server room SINCE FEBRUARY. Dont mind the fact that simple operations on everyone elses computers took 10 minutes while I sat and STARED at my computer for an HOUR or more. I really am grateful. I mean, the days of waiting are over... RIGHT?! Thats what was suppose to happen RIGHT?! I mean, new computers, all the same... should work in HARMONY together, RIGHT?!

However,

Last night when I was trying to get the newspaper sent and the printer kept calling me to tell me "something was wrong" I got REALLY REALLY EFFING IRRITATED when I called you, dear-sweet-SO-HELPFUL-IT and got your VOICEMAIL. I politely begged, "Hi, this is Ryan in Bumblefuck, we are having some preflight issues, its 430pm, I need a call back IMMEDIATELY as this is in reference to GETTING OUR PAPER OUT!" and

No.
One.
Called.
Me.
Back.

Bite me. When you get to work in the morning, you are going to WISH you had called me back. You are going to PRAY TO YOUR GOD and BEG that you could rewind time to call me. You are going to GIVE YOUR FIRST BORN to have called me.

You sons of bitches.

I was at work until 10 o'clock trying to figure things out. Do you like working 15 hour days? Cause I sure the hell dont! But you know what? I am faithful to my work. I stay until it is done.

I DO WHATEVER IT FUCKING TAKES TO GET THE JOB DONE.

Maybe you should come and take some notes from me. I have paper waiting.

Sincerely and forever yours,

Waiting-for-your-first-born-RYAN.

If it was stylish it would actually be a suitcase.

2007-06-24T15:30:00.000-06:00

Way, way back when I didnt know much about Blogland... you know, before LIFE started... I saw a purse meme that got me so excited about BLOGLAND! OMG! How cool! that I had a gmail conversation with Mandacakes similiar to this:

Ryan: MANDACAKES! OMG! Check! this! out! Women take pictures OF THEIR PURSES and the contents inside it and then POST IT!

Mandacakes: Yeah, I saw something like that.

Ryan: Thats so neat! We should do it! How fun!

Mandacakes: Ryan. Settle down. You dont even have a blog.

Ryan: But I have a purse!

By the time I got around the getting the blog setup... I had completely forgotten about the purse meme. I have a beautiful memory huh? Something SO! DAMN! EXCITING! and I forgot. However, the other day I was cruising around in Blogland and stumbled upon THIS! A PURSE MEME! OMG! HOW COOL!

And this time girls... I am doing it!

The purse.
I have mentioned her a time or two.
Love. this. purse.

Holy crap...
Maybe I thought it was a little heavy... BUT GOODNESS!
From the side, it appears there was a MOUNTAIN O SHIT in there!

Back in the day this would have been the necessities...

Wallet, phone and keys.

Now?
The Gang is all here!

Having a toddler defiantly changes the "Important things" that one must carry.
I have an assortment of things that come with me everywhere.
Candy: When Bubba is whining, HAVE SOME CANDY!
Dora: Bored honey? Here's some toys and LOOK! OMG! ITS DORA!
Gum: Because seriously. Gum rocks.
Mad Libs: While Bubba cant do them, they are great when the husband is antsy.
Then there are the Momma necessities...
Sunglasses: Need I say more?
Notepad: Cause when all of a sudden I remember I need dryer sheets...
I. WRITE. IT. DOWN. Cause I cant rely on myself to remember.

BONUS! 47! CENTS!

WOW! I have girly stuff all over my purse.
And...
If you like Clinique's Happy, you will love our WANNA PLAY?

I love these hair clippy things but my husband HATES finding them all over the house.

The thing is... You NEVER know when you will need one!
So, have them everywhere!

Damnit. THATS where they all went.

And thanks to this little meme purse loving... I was able to clean my purse out!
YAHOO!
Its that grocery receipt from Wal-mart a little re-god-damn-diculous?!

You think its "Weird" and I am a wreck just thinking about it.

2007-06-20T07:40:00.000-06:00

I have talked about my unnatural fear of balloons. And when I saw this... I could only watch about a minute of it before I had to walk away from the computer.

Maybe you will understand now... this is how I feel. And while I deal with it the best I can, others make fun of me. Thats not cool folks. Everyone has fears, this is mine. Leave me alone.

Do you think you will comment on this post?

2007-06-16T23:07:00.001-06:00

I mentioned the other day I have been easily distracted by Blogland... and well it has been the ENTIRE internet as a whole really. This evening I was out and about and stumbled upon this site. And let me tell you... I wasted a ton of time taking a shitton of tests. I dont want to bore you with all of the tests I took and results cause at times I was completely insulted or surprised at how RIGHT! ON! the answers were... I took a lot of tests. Did I mention that yet?

And of course I believe EVERYTHING. the. internet. tells. me.

So if you hear someone saying this around town... Check to see if she has red hair and immediately starts cracking up afterward.

Your Pick Up Line Is

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your jeans.

What Pick Up Line Will Get You a Man?

My first internet STD.

2007-06-15T08:13:00.000-06:00

Apparently sometime this afternoon when I was innocently going about my day... cause I am. so. innocent... Cakehead hopped on over to my site and infected me with her internet VD, which I am hoping with clear quickly with minimal outbreaks.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
It was the summer I went to Mexico City on a mission trip. I figured because by then I had taken 4½ years of Spanish... I would be just fine in Mexico. No. I was sadly mistaken! Well and the person I took with me knew how to speak GERMAN. We were a pair I tell ya! The only thing I knew how to say and what people understood were "Hi," "Where's the bathroom?" and "I dont understand."

I was also celebrating my one year anniversary at Hardee's and saying good bye to a bunch of friends that were going off to college. And leaving me. All alone.

What were you doing one year ago?
Still taking baths with my daughter and loving every minute of it. Bath time was always our time and we would have so much fun. (When we moved in October last year I started letting her take her own bath... and I miss our time so much.)

I was also still in the honeymoon phase at my current job. That has since faded.

Five snacks you enjoy:
Well my first thought was HELL YEAH CHOCOLATE (particularly Hugs and Butterfingers) but the thing is, I have completely changed my diet in the last couple months so... things have changed a bit. (To say the least.)

1. Plain rice cake with peanut butter,
2. Celery with peanut butter,
3. Sliced Cucumber. Drowned in vinegar and water with salt and pepper. With peanut butter. No I am kidding! It was starting to sound like I couldnt eat anything WITHOUT peanut butter.
4. Strawberries. Strawberries. Strawberries.
5. An orange.

Five songs to which you know all the words:
Does every. single. theme song for every. single. Cartoon Network show count?

1. TLC: Waterfalls
2. Wreckx-n-Effect: Rump Shaker
3. Eminem: Superman
4. Britney Spears: Hit Me Baby One More Time

5. Nelly: Air Force Ones

Jesus, I think I could have made this list even longer. Like... a lot longer. Hundreds of songs longer. I should have listed CD's I know all the lyrics to. Nay, artists I know all the words to.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Move directly to Seattle, no passing go, no collecting $200.

2. Purchase a Volvo XC90 with one. dollar. bills.
3. Pay off my student loans. My husbands student loans. My sisters student loans. And set my daughter up with a very plush You-ARE-going-to-College-MISSY fund. (Cause student loans are such. a. pain. in. the. ass. Can I get an amen?)
4. I would design my dream home and probably throw an elevator in it... just for the hell of it. And also have some crazy ass bathroom that was WAY too big with a whole bunch of crazy cool gadgets and whatnots.
5. I would actually start paying to download music...

Five bad habits:
1. Tearing the skin off around my fingernails.
2. Tearing the skin of the bottom of my feet.
3. Picking my teeth with my fingernails.
4. Wearing flip flops when I ride my bike. (I guess that is more a stupid habit.)
5. Rubbing on my eyes too hard. It just feels so good sometimes...

Five things you like doing:
1. Taking my daughter to the park.
2. Baking.
3. Laundry. Yes, I know I am a FREAK.
4. Riding my bike.
5. Reading.

Five favorite toys:
1. Buzz Lightyear action figure. Gals, it talks! and lights! up! and EVERYTHING!
2. When you are almost 30 does the coffee pot count as a toy? It has enough buttons and settings and cool stuff! And I play with it every. single. day.
3. Uhmmmm...
4. Well...
5. Yeeaaah...

Five things you will never wear again:
1. Four different colors of socks scrunched to my KNEES.
2. Daisy dukes.
3. Reebok high tops. With #1 and without.
4. Leg warmers.
5.

Nah nah nahna... cheee... nahnah...

Need I say more?

Contest

2007-06-15T07:23:00.000-06:00

If you havent heard... This Eclectic Life is currently running a contest called This Blog Blows My Dress Up... hop on over, check out the rules and enter!

Oh yeah. Anyone need another addiction?

2007-06-14T09:02:00.000-06:00

Here. you. go.
Your welcome.

and randomness!

2007-06-13T07:32:00.000-06:00

Has it really been a week since I blogged? I am a naughty girl. Trust me though, I have thought about blogging non stop the last couple days... I am just... distracted. Total Blogland distraction. I sit down and before I know it, its been 3 hours and I am all over the place and everywhere other than at my own blog writing about all the crazy cool things that have been going on this past week. Cause let me tell ya, WOW. In order to accomplish a weeks worth of total awesomeness... I bring you my first ever Random Post. Thats right folks. Random is it and TRUST ME random it will be.

-I realized this week that I really do like having my nails and toes painted. I even bought a color that didnt make me look like a slut. My daughter loves the color as well and made sure I knew that it had SPARKLING! DIAMONDS! in it every. single. time. she looked at her nails. And mine. Then she proudly proclaimed that Daddy wasnt "pretty" cause he didnt have any SPARKLING! DIAMONDS! like Momma and her. Cause seriously, ones "prettiness" is found in the color of their nails. I know right?! Who knew? I will ALWAYS... from here on out make sure that my nails are painted... cause that would be the only thing going for me in the pretty department, standing next to my little peanut.

-Speaking of peanut... When my daughter was born and for every check up she had her first year, our doctor always called Bubba peanut... and I swear it always sounded like PENIS.

-My husband has finally realized how wonderful it is the shop, get a shitton of great clothes and look at your receipt to see that the amount you SAVED is more than the amount SPENT. When I go to JCPenney's and come home, the first thing out of my husbands mouth is "How much was it?" My immediate response is usually, "But honey, I SAVED SO MUCH!" I mean really... who cares how much it COST when you save MORE?!

-One night last week some dumbass thought it would be a great idea to set off fireworks RIGHT outside our window. Not just fireworks... MASSIVE fireworks. We are talking the full blown mother effing SHOW! right! there! feet from my bedroom window. So at MIDNIGHT when I was fast asleep, off in dream land with Jack Bauer... and Whitney you were there too but you wouldnt stop crying about the OC... I was RUDELY AND SUDDENLY awoken to what I thought was assault by gunfight. OMG. I thought I was about to die. It was LOUD! It was FLASHY! It was CRAZY! And then Bubba noticed something was going on. And wow that girl can FREAK! OUT! just like her Momma. So I grabbed her and held her and we FREAKED! OUT! together until things calmed down outside. Only for 3 minutes though, cause then another round of ASSAULT AT MIDNIGHT began. Jesus... heres the thing dumbasses... if you are going to spend the money to buy freaking fireworks like that, take them somewhere you can ENJOY them and not FREAK! OUT! poor innocent me and my precious little Bubba. Bastards.

-Is there any belt wearers in the house? Can I see a show of hands? I am a dirty belt wearer. Every. single. day before I decide what shoes I am going to wear and after I put my deodorant on I get my belt. Its an article of clothing to me. I MUST be wearing a belt or I might as well have forgotten to put my shirt on. Call it BELT ADDICTION, call it what you want... I would like to inform the WORLD that a couple months ago I could just get my belt latch onto the FIRST notch... now I take that bitch all the way to the THIRD notch, no problem. Easy peasy. And MAN that feels good!! I think before long... I am going to have to get a smaller belt. You hear me?! A smaller something!!

-Last week one of my girlfriends, Supermom, invited me be a part of her child birthing. And OMG. Let me tell you... that was awwhhsome! I much like being on the other side of the table so to speak and it was neat to see her other children and family anticipate child number four... a little girl. A beautiful and PERFECT little girl.

See how sweet she is in her hospital photo?! She is like a little model!! After she was born and everyone went home, I stayed with Supermom for awhile and when the nurse turned to me and said, "Would you like the help me give her a bath?" I about tripped over myself to the bathroom to quickly wash up as I proclaimed, "WOULD I EVER! IS THAT COOL SUPERMOM!?"

-Twelve hours and 34 minutes later my best friend of all time from high school gave birth to this little angel...

He already looks like he is going to be a smartass huh? Just like her Momma. (I love you girl!) He even peed on me already! And let me tell ya... this little stinker was ALMOST born in the car on the way to the hospital. We are talking full blown 90 mph POLICE ESCORT and all!! They barely got her into a room and out he came!! But that is a wild story for another day... cause DAMN there is alot to say!

-And just for the record... THIS is how my Bubba DIDNT look like a model in her hospital photo. Of course no matter what she is my little model... but I have about 50 digital pictures from the hospital and THIS is the most calm looking one.

-My sister is coming home in NINETEEN DAYS! I. can. hardly. wait. She has been overseas doing the school thing since January and it is about damn time that girl came home. I already have plans for us for the first month she is home. I mean, I know SHE has a boyfriend, is getting a new apartment and has to get a job and all BUT I am getting some SISTER TIME FIRST!

-There is this great stuff by Oregon Chai that I have fallen in love with. Sugar-free Chai. With NO carbs. And no calories. And no fat. See? It just SOUNDS like heaven! So I mix it about a third water, a third milk and a third chai... pure bliss! I have been trying to drink only water or tea on my diet and when you only have TWO options, they both get old really fast. So this has been a great alternative for me and I suggest you look into this stuff... YUMMY!

There really can be a brighter side to life.

2007-06-03T14:32:00.001-06:00

This year has sent me into varying states of emotional, financial and physical turmoil. And when I thought it couldnt get any worse... it did. Again and again. As June begins and my husband and I talk about the future and where we are headed... I am enlightened at the thought that things are really starting to turn around for us. Things are getting better and I am finally at peace about our emotional, financial and physical affairs.

When I found out that I was diagnosed with tortuous dysplastic arteries creating multiple small cerebral aneurysms ... I was a wreck. It seemed that I couldnt wrap my mind about the possibility of something this rare and unique being a ticking time bomb in my very own head. I mean shit... what do you mean I am 1 of 5 cases you have ever seen?!

As time goes by and I have begun to take better care of myself... I have thought less and less about what is really going on up in my head. I dont worry about ruptures, paralysis and bleeding anymore. I am trying to let go and live. Live everyday to the fullest. I have educated myself as much as I can, made lifestyle changes and that is the best I can do.

Financially we went through a rough patch in March... and in March we were still recovering from a rough patch from October. It was feeling like we were up against a financial monster that we would never be able to defeat. But as my husband and I sat and planned out the next couple months... It appears that our current struggles will almost completely dissolve by August. August = Financial Heaven. Yeah!

My husband has just started his third to last semester in school and will graduate in December. And I proudly add as Summa Cum Laude! (Top Honors!) He has done an amazing job and finally found his niche. The thing in life that he loves to do and would do everyday until the end of time. With him graduating and me approaching my third year of experience in my field, we are looking to move again after winter. To a bigger city were jobs in our fields are plentiful and pay well. A place where people pay you what you are worth. Gawd... imagine that!

Then we can begin to save for a house and our ultimate dream... moving to Seattle.

Since Bubba was born my husband and I have always had different views on the way things should work for her. Schedules, naps and feedings have been a constant battle between us. When I went back to work when she was 7 months old, it was something that I simply let go of and let my husband handle. He found the right balance on all fronts that has worked very well for them. And she is the happiest baby I know... so I just went along for the ride and made sure I stuck to the schedule.

When Mr. Bubba went to work part time last month and I started staying home during the week, we began changing her routine again. Instead of Bubba being rocked to sleep we just lay her in her crib, she has started to feed herself and we have her schedule changed to getting up at 930-10am instead of noon-1pm. Now my husband and I are on the same page and working together for the first time on all these small details and it feels great. Before I let him tell me the way things would be and what time for this or that... now we are in harmony on all aspects. Finally!

Its as if I finally feel like I am actually becoming a grown up. And taking care of things the way I am suppose to but not only that, the things that I am taking care of are actually going the way I want them to. I can sit back and let the little things roll right off my back and not bother me as much. And just focus on the important things. The things that really matter most to me. And in that... I have found my peace.

So. Damn. Cute.

2007-06-02T22:48:00.000-06:00

For my birthday, my effing amazing snake killin' Auntie sent me some cash that I put towards an incredibly and totally awesome pair of prescription sunglasses. That I love. And I wear at every. single. chance I can. Because I love them. Did I mention I love them?

Shortly thereafter, as in less than a week, my husband also got himself an awesome pair of prescription sunglasses... and now that we are a prescription sunglassing lovin' couple... Bubba was feeling a little left out. She was constantly wanting a pair of "Bubba glasses! Where Bubba glasses?!" so we promptly went and get her a pair of her very own. (So she would stop crying herself to sleep wondering why we stopped loving her because she didnt have a pair of awesome new sunglasses too.)

And I think she wears her totally rad shades more than we do. Cause it is acceptable and cute to wear them inside, during dinner, in the library, at night, when its raining, with pajamas or to bed. When you are two.

So. Damn. Cute.

The moment I found out that I was having a girl I began dreaming up all the things us two girls would do. Matching outfits... Pigtails... Makeup... painting our nails together... you know... all the "girlie" stuff. Well, one, I dont look good in pink, frilly socks or Size 5 Dora shoes. Two, I look retarded with pigtails and two and a half, Bubba hasnt ever really had enough hair to HAVE pigtails. Three, the whole makeup thing? This girl might have once sold Mary Kay but I just never wear makeup. And I figured a two year old wearing mascara would be a little much. Besides she would want me to wear it with her... and that was a path I didnt want to go down.

So that has left me with painting nails. And being as though she is 2 and a HALF now... I figured it was time to get started. I mean for Christ sake next week she'll be getting her drivers license and leaving for college.

So I purchased some "Dries in 60 seconds!" (yeah, what the fuck ever... 60 seconds my ass) nail polish and started on her pretty little toes. And she made PUNK PINK look like Cinderella-at-the-ball-Pink.
And oooh, how she loves her PINK! TOES! 10 TOES! PINK! TOES! and when she immediately began pestering me about my own toes, I again PROMPTLY complied to her every demand, and finagled my feet somewhere near my head, in some position I never thought I would get out of, so I could paint them.

And I make PUNK PINK look like HOOKER SKANK PINK but my daughter is happy. And that is all that matters.

See? So. Damn. Cute. on her.

The first two times that I took Bubba to get her haircut, I let the hairdresser pretty much do whatever they wanted. I would make suggestions and even though I said, I dont want a bowl cut or anything... that is exactly what it ended up being. A bowl cut.

Bowl cut or not though, she is adorable and it never really bothered me. Now my husband on the other hand... hates the devil worshiping bowl cut look on our daughter. So this most recent visit to get Bubbas haircut, I thought I would be a little more up front about exactly want I wanted in terms of a NON-bowl cut hairstyle.

I want the bangs shorter. Leave the length in the back but give her layers. I would like to see about 2-3 inches of hair length all over her head. No the bangs need to be shorter. And can you trim up around her ears a little more. No a little more.

When we got home my husband was extremely happy to see an actual "style" to our daughters hair and I am quite pleased as well. But it makes her look older. And she cant get "older." Ever.

So. damn. cute. I can hardly stand it.

They listen to every. single. word.

2007-05-31T08:58:00.000-06:00

This morning as I sat on my front porch, enjoying my morning guilty pleasure of coffee and a smoke, I watched a couple kids ride their bikes down the sidewalk. I could tell they were about 9-10 in age and brother-sister. They actually could have been twins... then again I think everyone is a "twin." (Drives my husband nuts... HEY I BET THEY ARE TWINS! I mean, gawwwd they have the SAME last name and everything.)

There wouldnt really been much to take interest in but the boy was trying to RIDE his bike while holding onto a SPEAKER. Not a little speaker either... like a floor to CEILING speaker. It really was quite amusing to watch.

Suddenly the boy stops to rest and the girl circles back around on her bike to see why in the hell he stopped.

Girl: Are you coming?

Boy: whining and screaming MY ARM FREAKING HURTS WHAT DO YOU THINK!

Girl: You should hold it on your handlebars.

Boy: straight screaming SHUT-UP! DO YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU SO HARD IT KILLS YOU? CAUSE THAT WOULD HURT. DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO?

The first thing to pop into my head was "Bet that phrase has been screamed at that kid a time or two." Jesus.

Then I really started thinking about that exchange of hostilities and it really bothered me. I do understand that siblings can be extremely harsh to one another. (I should so insert an apology to my sister or something here.) But I was bothered more because I can pretty much guarantee that child has been told that before. Whether it had been a parent or another kid... damn. Kids can be so damn harsh. It was more the WAY he said it. So much anger.

No family is perfect. Mine, I know, is far from. But my wish... my goal... my life lesson has become being the BEST example of what a good human being is for my own daughter. Of course I want her to know it is human to be angry, to get angry and sometimes we fail to keep that anger under control. But I want to teach her how to get rid of that anger in a non-violent way. By not screaming and getting mad.

And definatly not by yelling at someone who is trying to help you. I know that I am rambling... I just want you to know that it is not a good idea to carry a speaker. And dont yell. And dont use the word HIT and KILL together in a sentence, forced from your mouth at someone. Jesus.

Cause everything we say as adults, kids listen to. And repeat. OMG the repeating. So far, for us the worst Bubba has repeated in public has been Damnit. And really? At 2 years old, no one knew what she was saying anyways and it sounded cute. Mr. Bubba and I shot each other the You-are-so-dead-for-teaching-her-that-look and quickly made up some word we wanted everyone to think she said.

Oh, Bubba... thats right DOGMAT... did you see a DOGMAT? Cool, huh?!

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-05-30T06:21:00.001-06:00

A good friend of mine sent me this little 40 Things List... and I thought it would be fitting for a Tidbits of Me, Tuesday. So here it goes... and hope you enjoy!

1. What is your occupation? Graphic Artist at a local newspaper. So, I design ads and other weird shit while dealing with tons of bullshit and cranky employees but I am always in on the latest town gossip.

2. What color are your socks right now? Socks?... socks dont look right with flip flops!

3. What are you listening to right now? The hum of my computer and the ......... of the morning. That's right, the quietness of the morning.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? I might have rewarded 8 weeks of awesome diet practice with some Pizza Hut... damn I didnt know this list would make me have to admit my little pizza loving affair last night...

5. Can you drive a stick shift? In the case of an emergency only. I hope.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Tickle me Pink.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My cuz. And OMG... you need to go over and wish her lots of good thoughts because she is about to buy a house. A home. Of her very own and how exciting is that?!

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yeah, shes all right. Really I am jealous of her cause she is SuperMom to 3 kids and about the POP! with her fourth. And when I say POP!... she is being induced NEXT WEEK! She has crazy energy and an awesome personality. Oh, and a really cool new backyard!

9. How old are you today? So... much... older... than... yesterday...

10. Favorite drink? Iced Chai Tea Latte or a Triple Venti Carmel Macchiato.

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Curling. Cause lets face it... that shit is crazy!

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Nope. Never. Nada. Except this one time... if you call it "dyeing your hair."

13. Pets? Does a toddler count?

14. Favorite food? Pizza. Cause lets face it. Remember #4? If I was going to have a food affair... it would be with pizza. All the way.

15. What was the last movie you watched? Spiderman 3. Yeah, thats right, the hubbie and I actually had a date. And saw a movie... IN the theater! YAHOO!

17. What is your middle name? Leigh... the only part of my name that is "girlie."

18. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had this little airplane thing that came with people. And it was the coolest thing EVER. I put stickers all over it and flew that thing everywhere.

19. What is your favorite, fall or spring? I am all about fall. Thus the colors I chose for my new layout. And the season I got married in.

20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs! And the same is true if we are talking about chocolate.

21. Cherries or Blueberries? I would rather have a strawberry... but cherries are ok too.

22. Do you want your friends to email you back? Really... this would equate to "Are you going to tag someone to do this?" And yes, I tag Heidi... again... cause she is such a good sport!

25. Living arrangements? Bubba lets my husband and I have some space in the house... not too much though. I have 3 dinosaurs and Spongebob starring at me at this very moment. And Spongebob is so excited I mentioned him in this post... you should see the smile on his face.

26. When was the last time you cried? I cant believe I am going admit this... Has anyone seen the movie Deja Vu? The one with Denzel Washington? I got a little teary somewhere in there at a good part. If you havent seen it, you need to. It is one hell of an awesome movie. And have some tissues on hand... just in case.

27. What is on the floor of your closet? I dont think we want to go there. We'll leave it at carpet.

28. Who is your best friend of all time? That would defiantly have to be Mandacakes. 100%. All the way. We have been through thick and thin together. To the depths of hell and back. And more.

29. What did you do last night? Gawd. Do we have to keep talking about the pizza affair I had?

30. Favorite smells? A fresh cut lawn. Right before it rains. And a clean Bubba right out of the bath.

31. What inspires you? Bubba. She inspires me to be a better person so I can teach her to be an even better person.

32. What are you afraid of? Balloon. Do I need to say more?

33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese AND spicy. Oh, oh, oh and with some onion. And I like BBQ sauce instead of ketchup. And can I have a double. And some fries too. The curly ones.

34. Favorite dog breed? Hairless, potty trained and not mine.

35. Number of keys on your key ring? 8. And I have no idea what 2 of them go to.

36. How many years at your current job? 1½... feels like 20.

37. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday.

38. How many states have you lived in? Six. Wisconsin, Texas, South Carolina, Georgia, Michigan and Alabama.

39. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving.

40. Ever driven a motorcycle or heavy machinery? Never driven a motorcycle... only rode on one and heavy machinery? Hmmm... riding lawnmower count?

SURPRISE! And yes you are at the right place...

2007-05-28T13:04:00.000-06:00

Today is the one year anniversary of my blog. As well as the 150th post. YAHOO! And I hope by now you have noticed there is a little different look. EEEEEEEE! That would be because I kidnapped, tied and bound my husband to the duties of helping me learn about good coding practices, html, css and all the good stuff that goes into making a homemade template.

He was patient.

He was extremely patient.

He was so extremely patient with me and never ever once got mad when I spent 3 hours finding colors and then changed it all and changed it again.

So please, be honest, let me have it and tell me what you think! I have changed things up quite a bit and added some fun things. Well... I hope you find them fun. The biggest change... I mean other than everything... is the 3 column layout for your easy access enjoyability.

I also began to archive my rudenesses of the day and am still working on that a bit. I added a "Find of the Day" under cool rudeness cause... I always seem to find the WEIRDEST shit when I google something as innocent as "sneakers." So I thought I would share.

Have a slice of cake, look around and enjoy! And thank you so much for being my loyal Blogland friends. I love you all!

Weighing In.

2007-05-24T08:05:00.001-06:00

I looked for about 2 hours this morning trying to find a picture of myself that I felt comfortable enough to post here. The result? Hell the "F" no. I realized that I am the one TAKING the picture about 99.865% of the time because I dont like to be the one IN the picture.

Let me rephrase that.

I MAKE SURE I am not in the picture because... well... here goes nothing. I am fat. Heavier side of delicate is what I tricked myself into thinking. But lets lay out the facts. Let me for ONCE be honest about the truth. I am a big girl.

I refer to myself as the "Fat Girl" at work and no one has EVER stopped or corrected me. I dont expect people to. Cause the truth dont lie, baby. But I am so fucking tired of being Mrs. Fat Girl. I am so tired of hiding behind the humor of making fun of myself when all I want to do is cry about being overweight. And eat some cake. That didnt make me gain more weight.

I have the amazing ability to deny how I look. If I wear an outfit that makes me FEEL good... then I can fake myself into believing I LOOK good... thus somehow magically skinny. Yeah, my brain and eyes are going to have to start working together a little better. I basically severed the connection a long, long time ago when it came to my size.

When I was younger and in high school I never really had a problem with my weight. Of course, I thought I was a cow then... If I could only look the way I did then... Jesus... why cant I just be happy?

Well... what the fuck do I mean by happy?

I grew up in a very strict household. My father was in the military and my Mom... well she was an Officers Wife. Appearances. Appearances. That was what it was all about. So my parents ensured that we ate healthy and never, ever strayed. To this day I hate frozen chicken and frozen veggies. YUCK. ICK. Nasty.

Remember me talking about all the bike riding I did as a youngster? Yeah, we were a very athletic family. In the summers when I was 10-12 I would go with my Dad to work out with his soldiers in the morning. My Dad would be like "AND DONT LET A 12 YEAR OLD SHOW YOU UP SOLIDER!!" And I could back then. Later in high school my Mom and I worked out. every. single. morning. on top of me being active in sports.

When I moved out of my parents house in 1998 I went nuts. I was a size 10 and barely 140 pounds. And thought I was fat. But once I was on my own I "found" food. And I loved it. And OMG I still do.

By 2000 I had gained 80 pounds. Hardly noticed. Then slowly over the last couple of years I have gained a little here. And a little there. And OMG you can get fat HERE?! And on and on and on...

Denial. Denial. Denial.

But I am by no means here to try and blame my parents or anything for my weight gain. I know it was all me. All me and my I-will-never-look-like-THAT-denial.

Here goes nothing... On March 31st I weighted in at TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY TWO POUNDS. That is the largest I have been in my life. I weighted ONE pound less than that horrid number the day my daughter was born. OH MY FUCKING GOD RYAN.

When I heard the nurse scream that number across the room when the doctor asked while I was in the emergency room, for the FIRST TIME that number hit me. I am DOUBLE the weight I should be. OMG. No small wonder the MRI machine and I dont like each other!

Anyone seen The Incredibles when Bob "goes back undercover" and shoots through the tube to go and stop "the machine" as a test? And he gets stuck because he put on a couple extra pounds? And he is like WHAM, WHAM, WHAM and then finally gets sucked out? Yeah, that is EXACTLY what I was the thinking about the ENTIRE time I was in the MRI.

My train of thought over the last couple of years has been this:

1. I ate good yesterday, so I defiantly can have this donut. Or candy bar.

2. My pants feel a little looser today... I think I'll super size my combo meal.

3. I am so angry... that ice cream would make me feel better.

4. I'll join the gym... and if I am working out, then I can slack a little and eat more sweets. I mean, I'm working out... thats enough.

5. My husband loves me for who I am. HE says that I look great JUST THE WAY I AM.

6. WHO THE HELL AM I TRYING TO PLEASE ANYWAYS?

7. Fuck all the skinny people... fat is the new thin!

This exact line of thinking is what got me to where I was on March 31st, ashamed and embarrassed YET AGAIN about my weight. My God did the nurse have to scream that out loud. What a bitch!

When I went to Dallas in March, my friend took this picture while I visited her and her new son on March 16th. She actually emailed me the picture a couple days later and here is what went through my mind when I first saw it:

DAMN I AM HUUUGE! However, photos automatically add weight. The picture was taken at a weird angle. I was looking down... thus the 17 chins I can see. The NEWBORN child I am holding is a bad reference for size cause he is only 4 weeks old and so small.

God I amaze myself. Denial. Denial. Denial.

Whenever I have to have lab work done at the doctors office and I get the results back... I always ask, "Okay, so my lab work is all fine... but is it RYAN-IS-FAT-FINE or is it I-cant-even-tell-you-are-OBESE-fine?"

So now I have gotten to the point were... ENOUGH is ENOUGH. I am going to do something about it this time. I will live in denial no more. I will quit kidding myself when I walk past a mirror that "the lighting is bad" or "the angle makes me big." I am big. And I can change that. Cause why? Because I dont just want to... I need to. For me.

I want to know what it is like the put my bra on and not have to struggle for 3 minutes stuffing my boobs into a bra that I should have gotten a size bigger but was embarrassed to buy. I want to stand up and not pull and tug and pull on my clothing to "readjust." I want to wear shorts and be comfortable with how I look. I want to wear a tank top and not apologize to my husband about looking like a cow but I am hot.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

So unofficially April 1st I started a diet. Officially things really got kicked off on April 18th after my MRI experience. Mandacakes educated me on the ways of her Fitness Broo ha ha and I have stuck to it from day one. Not a single french fry from my daughters happy meal. Not a single soda. Not a piece of cake. Or a donut at work. Nothing bad. I am happy to say that I have dropped 24 pounds and am seeing fat leave the weirdest places.

Like the sides of my boobs. BONUS. My chin. TRIPLE BONUS. Slowly from my waist and I think my butt is on its way to being smaller. And I swear my toes look thinner. Freaking sweet!

My final goal is to lose 115 pounds. In one year. So 91 more pounds to go. I think I can do it. Nay...I know I can.

That about sums it all up.

2007-05-22T15:24:00.001-06:00

Sometimes there is just nothing better than...

2007-05-21T22:24:00.000-06:00

Fresh linens on your bed.

A spotlessly, shiny, clean kitchen sink.

A vacuumed and washed car.

Having a new plant reach the 3 week mark. Alive.

Or the satisfaction your husband has knowing
his wife is really easy to please.

What accomplishments please you the most?

She has no idea how much I love her...

2007-05-20T22:42:00.000-06:00

...cause it was very, very difficult for me to take these pictures. I believe more than ONCE I have talked about my unique relationship with balloons. Loathe and hate are words that barely scratch the surface...

My Mom's graduation party was this Sunday and once everyone went home, my Dad thought it would be a fabulous idea to bring in the balloons from the front yard and let Bubba play with them.

When I cringed and politely excused myself from the kitchen quickly, my Dad said... "Oh thats RIGHT, you dont like balloons."

You fucking think?

Then he made the realization that a couple hours prior I wasnt being a complete ass when he asked how the balloons in front looked and I said... "Like shit."

As I stood in the other room and heard Bubba having so much fun... and when I mean FUN... you would have thought someone won the lottery. She was so thrilled about those stupid balloons that I ran in and took a couple pictures. And then ran out of there even faster.

You are my Sunshine...

2007-05-18T10:29:00.001-06:00

...my only Sunshine, You make me happppy when skies are gray.
Youll always know dear how much I love you... Please dont take my Sunshine away.

So I know by now everyone should know that Mrs. Mandacakes and I are cousins. We go way back. Like, we have know each other since... well I know known her since Day 9 while she has known me, her whole entire life. Man those nine days were heaven.

Our Moms found out they were pregnant on the same day and went to tell their Mom... on the same day. But until that moment neither knew the other was pregnant. Crazy huh? Mandacakes and I were due on the same day too. However, in the end... I was early and she was late. This fact is still true. For everything. (Kidding! Love you girl!)

We use to always joke that we were switched somewhere way in the beginning because I have red hair, like her Mom and she has brown hair, like my Mom. The only reason I know for sure we werent... is the big huge birthmark my Mother and I share. Then again... who knows.

Really I like to think of us as twins. We were inseparable as babies. We grew up together. When we left Wisconsin when I was 5 to move to Texas... they moved near us a couple months later. We have pretty much crisscrossed around the country together. There have been times that we went a month or two without talking but we can always pick up right were we left off. She can be mid sentence when we hang up and 2 weeks later we can start back... right were we left off.

And when I mean "special bond" I apparently mean "SPECIAL."
Hell, we have some family from Arkansas.
And I really hope everyone knows I am kidding.
Cause if you look really close, like I did in Photoshop... we arent even touching lips.
So get off it.

Matching Rainbow Bright outfits. Awhhh... we were so cute!
(What happened?)

Whenever we would get together we were always getting into trouble. Always. Giggling all through the night, tickling each other until we passed out from exhaustion. Every moment was awesome. We loved Will Riker from Star Trek together... we knocked over the Christmas tree when we were 3 together...

I love you girl. Just Cuz. For everything and nothing. You are my Girl.

And I will never forgive you for cheating that day in Sorry. Or for having sex before me and not telling me for like moooonths.

When Life Just Blows...

2007-05-17T21:55:00.001-06:00

I am a magnet for the Crazies.

2007-05-17T08:41:00.000-06:00

Since my husband and I moved to Wisconsin we havent really ventured out and found many friends. With Bubba, we are consumed being parents... there has hardly been anytime for my husband and I to be together... much less being social with others.

I have been fortunate enough to have a local friend that I met through work. And thank GOD she is normal. We can meet up at the park as our kids run around like monkeys and talk. Well, really we bitch about our husbands... you know, the normal stuff. (But let me tell ya... she got one mother of an awesome backyard set up for Mother's Day and I think our days at the park are over. Cause it is all about her new backyard.)

Its somewhat unusual for me to have a "normal" friend. I am like a magnet for the crazies. They totally seek me out. For awhile there I had such a stretch of "weirdos" that I thought I was going to have to move far away to the middle of nowhere... where no one knew my name.

Oh wait, I did.

Before Mr. Bubba and I left Texas we were blessed with the Belly Molester. Thats right... B-E-L-L-Y M-O-L-E-S-T-E-R. She moved in across the street about the time that I found out I was pregnant with Bubba. One afternoon we happened to be in our respective driveways at just the right time, that we struck up a conversation. She had 2 young kids and the moment we started talking about babies... she thought we were attached at the hip.

Now I understand that when you see a pregnant woman your first reaction is belly rub! But usually only when said "belly" is sticking out over 4 feet and you know, OBVIOUS. When I told her I was about 3 months... she immediately started rubbing, grabbing and caressing my "nothing there to be seen" abdomen.

Uhm, hello... what the fuck do you think you are doing? I didnt say that I wanted to have sex with you right here. right now. in the driveway. How do I know you dont have a STD? GAWD.

When it comes to things like this. I have NO BALLS. NO SPINE. I never want to be rude. So I stood there being fondled and molested and finally the session ended. I was able to go home. And after curling up in the fetal position and sucking my thumb for 6 hours, I got over it. But every. single. time. I saw that woman for the next 5 months I had to stand there and be molested. And hear about her children. And her sucky husband. And this. And that. And OMG.

Then there was the lady that always wanted us to come over and look at her pet iguana. Yeah, iguana. As in gross. And she had to keep her house at like 90 degrees for her iguana... so I would sweat and bake while she droned on and on about how much she hated Texas and missed Oklahoma and of course, how much she LOVED her iguana.

I could probably go on for another dozen people but as I sit here and think of them all... I swear I am breaking out in hives.

There are times though, I find a friend... when the stars align just so... and I wish that we could be best friends and have sleepovers and talk about boys and french braid each others hair all night long.

When we went last weekend to Milwaukee for my Mom's graduation, we got to the hotel about midnight. And I was starrvvving. So Mr. Bubba went to the front desk and was asking about food and where to go and if they knew anything about where to get a low carb meal.

Suddenly I was being summoned with Bubba to the front desk and this woman was excited. And I dont just mean excited, yeah we share an interest. I mean EXCITED as in I am going to tell you everything you need to know and MORE about being on a low carb diet.

And I was in love.

This woman, Chris, had been on a low carb diet for a year and lost 100 pounds. She gave me tips and hints and encouragement. She opened up the kitchen at the hotel and fed me cottage cheese and hard boiled eggs while she gave me a list of things I could eat. Like beef jerky and pork rinds. All the mother effing pork rinds I could ever eat... cause they have no carbs.

She was the coolest person ever. And for the next 2 hours we talked about everything under the sun and she was awesome. The next night we were patiently waiting like puppies at the window when 11pm rolled around cause she was working that night too.

More cottage cheese and hard boiled eggs!

As we said our goodbyes and great to you meet yous, I gave her a hug and told her she should come back home with me. For a moment I thought she was going to say yes... but thats not how life works. Damnit. But you better believe that Chris's boss will be getting the best letter in the mail about her and her awesomeness.

And I'll probably be on her blog someday as the FREAK that talked about carbs non stop and shoved cottage cheese into her face for hours.

Sold my Soul for an Angel.

2007-05-14T22:26:00.000-06:00

This weekend we went on a "trip" to Milwaukee to be with my Mom as she braved the stage and graduated with her Doctorate. That right folks. My Mom is now a DOCTOR! And that would be Mrs. Doctor at that.

We have been planning this trip for 2 months but as we counted down those final two hours before we left... we were running around like mad, saying things like "I wish we had done THIS 2 weeks ago" and "Just forget it... as long as we have underwear and a toothbrush... THAT doesnt matter... we can just buy it when we get there."

Bubba did amazingly better than we could have hoped for. I guess when I made that pact and sold my soul, again, with the Devil that everything would go smoothly... he listened.

7 Things you are Dying to Know. I just know it.

2007-05-10T09:30:00.000-06:00

I have been tagged by Nailgirl24! The object of this meme is to name 7 facts about yourself that you want people to know about. Hmm... and I will try and think of things that you dont already know.

1. I hate, hate, hate contractions. And I am not talking about labor contractions. (Although I hated those too!) When I am writing I dont think that I should have to put in an ' when it comes to words like cant, dont, shouldnt, couldnt... or any of the other fifty million options our English language makes so difficult. I think we as a society should banish the ' and move on!

2. I sleep in the weirdest positions possible. That is something that I can 100% say that my daughter got from me. (And be very glad I didnt put up a picture of me... she is MUCH cuter.)

3. I have a crown on my front tooth. When I was in 5th grade I fell off the slide. Nay... I was horsing around and everyone was doing the put-your-feet-over-the-side-and-go-down-sideways-thing and I totally fell over the side, right at the end. I landed on my ass and my face landed SMACK! on my knee. There was instantly blood everywhere and I ran to the nurses office screaming the whole way. I was trying to explain what happened but I couldnt figure out why I couldnt talk right. I suddenly developed a lisp. No, I had knocked my tooth right out. But as the nurse was cleaning my bloody knee... she found the tooth. Gross huh?

4. I almost missed my high school graduation. I was on of those dedicated kids that loved working. (Barf.) I had taken the 515-1015am shift the morning of graduation. I went home to get ready and "Laid down for just a sec."

5. I fried a chunk of my hair OFF with my blow dryer a month ago. I had to cut bangs to fix the problem. I havent had bangs in about 8 years. I dont even know what to do with them so I just pin them up every. single. day. and then hairspray the shit out of them so they SIT! DOWN!

6. I have never had a cavity. And... dont tell my dentist... never floss.

7. Joined Facebook the other day and have no idea what I am doing. I think I "poked" everyone in the world yesterday on accident.

Extraordinary is more like it.

2007-05-09T08:24:00.000-06:00

I got a letter in the mail saying... and I quote... "Your pap smear results are satisfactory."

SATISFACTORY?! You have got to be freaking kidding me. After the performance I pulled off? Satisfactory my effing ass. I deserved a gold medal. A prize package worth millions. And a place on the wall of SURVIVING THE WORST PAP SMEAR EVER. A place, right at the TOP.

SatisFACTORY... pffft... that should have read, "Your pap smear was EXTRAORDINARY! and your results are absolutely breathtaking!"

The day I went to see the doctor, everything started out so fabulous. I got up early. Enjoyed the news & weather. Spent serious time in Blogland. Topped off a pot of coffee. Ate my yogurt, fruit and bran.

Just like every morning should be!

I was ready to go EARLY so Bubba and I arrived 15 minutes BEFORE my appointment started. Are you hearing me? I was early. THAT never happens. As I was checking in the receptionist gave me a form to fill out. I politely told her that I was on my period so I wouldnt need to fill out the pap smear form... rather I needed to reschedule that part of my visit. No, she said, go ahead and fill it out.

Whatever.

When I was called back I was absolutely ecstatic to find out that I had lost 10 more pounds. HELL YEAH! Note to self: It MUST be the bran cereal I ate for breakfast. Must. buy. more. bran.

However, when she took my height? Holy mother of Christ. Are you serious? 5' 6". No, do it again. Five. foot. six. inches. Damnit. When I was in sixth grade I was the tallest girl in my class. In fact it stayed that way pretty much until high school. 5 foot SEVEN inches. By all sixth grade standards, I was a GIANT. A four-eyed, brace-faced GIANT.

Where in there did I lose all this height? My mother tells me that I have extremely flexible joints. My self tells me its cause I am on the heavier side of delicate. My doctor says it doesnt matter. BUT IT DOES! I am shrinking. I think everything started going for the equator when Bubba was born. Well, ha, and not JUST my height.

Right off the bat she hands me the gown and tells me to strip. And here is a towel you can put over your lap because the gown isnt long enough.

You THINK.

But Nurse, I am on my period. Can we just reschedule this?

Is your flow heavy?

Not really.

Ok. Here's your gown.

Damnit.

When the nurse leaves. I start to get undressed. IMMEDIATELY Bubba starts SCREAMING "MOMMA! PUT CLOTHES ON! RIGHT NOW! CLOTHES ON!"

The best I could do to sooth my daughters conception of when exactly IS the right time to be naked, was to put my shirt back on under the excuse-of-a-gown. Once I sat on the table and had my handy dandy "towel" in place, Bubba wanted to sit with me. No sooner than I struggle to remain covered while hoisting her onto my lap, nurse and doctor walk in. They are like, So you want to hold her then? Uhm, yeah sure, that is a wonderful idea. (Do you hear the sarcasm?)

I do the lay back thing and the scoot forward thing. Even the, no scoot EVEN FARTHER! thing. A little faaarther. THERE. So, I am completely in position with Bubba straddling my stomach. Seems great huh? Of course, the first thing the doctor wants to do is the breast exam. Hello, do you see the child 3 inches below my boobs? As he lifts my shirt Bubba is tugging on it and saying, "MOMMA'S SHIRT!" And he is like, "It's okay."

Once he starts feeling around, Bubba is giving me the weirdest look of "This just isnt right Momma, what in the hell is going on? Does Daddy know about this?"

The moment the doctor said All good, Bubba YANKS my shirt away and pulls it down. Shirt ON Momma.

Thanks.

When I placed my feet in the stirrups Bubba leaned way down into my face and I was trying to distract her from what was going on. Talking about going to see grandma when we were done. Anything. But as the nurse and doctor are talking Bubba was too distracted by what was getting so much attention. I kept trying to get her to lay back down on me, when all of a sudden she gets right in my face with her hands clamped around her mouth and whispers ever so seriously...

Wait for it. Waaaaait foooor iiiiit.

Child. If you had ANY idea what was going on...

The next 30 seconds dragged on FOREVER and I was very glad when the doctor told me I could sit up. Wait. Sit up. Holy crap. I have a child straddling me. Ok. 1. 2. 3. CURL UP!

At that exact moment as I was CURLING UP! I landed my curled ass right on the foot board of the table. And once the table realized this... it began to tilt. Tilting me.

Right.

to.

the.

floor.

Yeah, you got it. The mother beeping table is IN THE MOTHER OH MY GOD AIR!! So I dont know what to do and I am freaking out but I cant get my mouth to say HELP! and I gently put Bubba down and try to lower the table with my ASS as carefully as I can. Completely freaked out by the way. Completely.

At the exact moment the nurse and doctor turn around to see my HORRID expression as the TABLE WAAAA BAAAAAAAAAAANGS! itself to the floor.

The nurse. ran. out. of. the. room.

The doctor turned 107 shades of BRIGHT RED and quickly looked away asking me "Is there anything else you had questions about?"

Nope. I am all good.

And then, he himself ran from the room.

The TrueBlue Way

2007-05-03T12:36:00.000-06:00

I was asked by a very nice gentleman with TrueBlue to sample their product. Hmmm, you want to send me some FREE stuff?

Well, sign me up!

And when Mr. Nice Gentleman said that he would be sending me a "sample"... yeah he meant a case. An entire case. Now THAT'S a "sample!"

So as I waited for this magical blueberry juice to come in the mail, I did some research on the topic. I knew blueberries were good for the body... but once I really looked into things... I wanted to go to the store RIGHT THEN and go on a blueberry diet for the rest of my life.

Here's some of the cool stuff I found:

Blueberries May Improve Memory, Coordination, and Balance
Preliminary research suggests that blueberries protect against the effects of age-related deterioration of the brain, such as short-term memory loss. This is due to the antioxidant actions of flavonoids found in blueberries. They may protect against, and even reverse, some age-related memory loss by preventing degenerative free radical damage and improving blood flow, resulting in a healthier brain.

Sweet huh? All I heard when I read this was "free radical damage" cause I am glad this will repair the ONE time (wink wink) I EVER put anything radical in my body. Dont tell my Mom. Oh yeah and it will improve my short-term memory loss.

Blueberries and Anti-Aging
...To look 10 years younger in 10 days, he recommends following a diet that includes blueberries...

Ladies, does anything else have to be said about this product? Go get some!

When I handed everyone at work a bottle of this, I got a couple sideways looks. No one wanted to type me a 800 word essay on their thoughts... bastards... but I didnt get ONE negative comment back on this juice. Not a one.

When I brought this home and gave some to Bubba... Holy cow she loved it. NEW! JUICE! GOOD! MOMMA! MORE?! So until it was gone, it was the "new juice!"

Seriously, you should try it. It is yummy. A little sweet but I just added some water to thin it out. And make it last longer.

Here's a coupon. ENJOY!

Taking the initiative.

2007-05-02T21:50:00.000-06:00

I was out in Blogland this morning and somewhere deep within I found a meme. Surprised? Those things are everywhere. But I loved it. So I have modified it and yes, MADE IT SHORTER and thought it would be a great idea to start a meme. Cause I always see them, get tagged for one or happen upon a great one in progress... but I have never started one.

(I would give credit back to whom I found it from but it was well into her archives... and I dont want to be viewed as a stalker.)

Without further ado...

10 YEARS AGO I
1. Was totally obsessing about becoming a Senior in high school.
2. Skipping a lot of class and hanging with my friends.
3. Working at Hardee's and thinking I looked good in the uniform.
4. On the basketball team.
5. Having sex... shhhh... dont tell my Mom.

5 YEARS AGO I
1. Was missing the "Good ole' Days."
2. Working at Dell Computers AND Starbucks.
3. In college for graphic design.
4. Student Government President.
5. Wished I was having sex.

2 YEARS AGO I
1. Was taking care of a very little Bubba.
2. Breastfeeding. (...Bubba. I thought I should clarify.)
3. Working at Target and loving the discount.
4. Trying to lose my baby weight.
5. Wishing I had never learned what sex was.

1 YEAR AGO I
1. Felt like I FINALLY got started on my "career."
2. Started this blog.
3. Really and truly started connecting with my sister.
4. Realized that I really hate snow. And winter. And arctic blasts.
5. Wished I could have more sex.

YESTERDAY I
1. Took a bike ride to the store with Bubba.
2. Told a joke at work that no one got.
3. Thought it would be cool to be bald if I didnt have to deal with all this hair.
4. Realized that celery without peanut butter tastes like shit.
5. Did not have any sex.

TODAY I
1. Took a leap of faith and started a meme.
2. Stuck to my diet, even when there were french fries in the house.
3. Had my parents over and actually enjoyed their company.
4. Crawled around on all fours and meowed like a cat to make Bubba laugh.
5. Tried and failed to get "some."

TOMORROW I WILL
1. Do the laundry that I piled high in the corner.
2. Put some new batteries in my digital camera and take some pics.
3. Take a bike ride with Bubba to the park.
4. Buy some rope, duck tape and whip cream.
5. Try a little harder to have sex.

See that wasnt so bad.
So lets see how Mandacakes and Heidi do on theirs!! Tag your it... love you girls!

A Girl Named Ryan

2007-04-30T20:45:00.000-06:00

I totally freaked out today when I was taking a look at site meter and saw that someone googled "a girl named Ryan" and got to me. Damn. Was it really that easy?

Then I think to myself... Self, you put that exact phrase in your 100 Things list. Yes, I did. Duh. But I got all excited (not a good excited) because I freaked at the thought, that was all someone had to type to find me.

So all the boyfriends I crushed back in the day... cause, oh there were so many. (Rolling eyes.) All the people that I pissed off. All the people I dont want to find me. Can. How many people out there, are girls with the name Ryan anyways?

I know that Ryan is becoming a more popular name for girls because of its "uniqueness"... there goes my eye rolling again... but you wont find many, if any, of us girls named Ryan entering into our 30's.

BUT THE POINT IS...

I clicked on the link just to see what was going on. And to my surprise the biggest thing I found on the phrase "a girl named Ryan" were people asking questions like:

"Do you think Ryan could be a girl name?"

"Is Ryan a girls name or a boys name?"

"Is the name Ryan a good girls name or will my child be teased?"

"What kind of middle name goes with Ryan for a girl?"

Questions of that nature always intrigue me. So as I am reading through comments and post all over the place... and more than once I was so angry and pissed off...

1. The name Ryan for a girl is awesome! Yeah, its MY name so maybe I am a little biased.

2. If there is ONE girl with the name Ryan, THEN ITS NOT A BOYS NAME. And no a girl named Ryan doesnt automatically make them gay, manly, mean or gruff. (I mean shit, I put makeup every once in a while and paint my fingernails. Hell, I even got a pedicure.)

3. Did I get picked on in school? Of course I did. Was it about my name? Nope. Not really. I was the one that was embarrassed about my name. Cause I thought people would make fun of me. No, what the kids in school really clung onto me for... my maiden name was a food group. THAT is why I got picked on in school. Well... and the glasses, the braces and being the tallest girl from 3rd until 7th grade. But you know what kids... EVERYONE gets PICKED ON!

4. Dont choose a name simply because it is "cute." Man that really irritates me. I see these posts where people are like... OMG, Ryan is so cute for a girl, but I think I need a really girlie middle name like Fu-fu-rella to go with it. Jesus. Pick the name because you LIKE it. Dont try and choose a middle name that justifies the first.

The biggest problem with my name being Ryan didnt come until I was out of school, graduated and in the real world. I have been hung up on before because a credit card company didnt think I was really, really Ryan. "I am sorry, I cant disclose any information to you without talking to Ryan. Have him call back and then set you up on the account to talk to us."

Bite me. I like my name.

I think I am done now. Thank you.

**Actually I am NOT done. For the mother effing record people... that little Ryan Starr girl from American Idol. SHE WAS NOT BORN WITH THE NAME RYAN. SHE CHANGED HER FIRST NAME TO RYAN. Okay, so technically she was born with her middle name being Ryan but her first name was TIFFANY. Tiffany Ryan Montgomery. No Starr in there either. She did all that when she was on American Idol.**

Ahem.

Adding another title to the resume.

2007-04-27T08:47:00.000-06:00

My husband recently got a job working for an insurance company as their "IT" man. YAHOO! He will be working part time, while I made arrangements at work changing up my hours a bit so I can still get in the "40 hours."

Starting this week, I have Wednesday and Thursday off and I wont go in on Friday until noon. And I must say, the last two days have been incredibly wonderful. Amazing in fact. I guess you could say that I am a PTSAHM. Part time Stay at Home Mom. And I am just loving it.

Whats great about the whole thing is: 1. I am still working full time. 2. The husband is working, getting out of the house and bringing in MUCH needed extra bacon. 3. Bubba and I get a TON more time together. 4. I am getting MUCH needed me time in the mornings 3 days a week before Bubba wakes up... me time. Did you hear me? ME TIME!!

I am totally in love with this new schedule. I was able to spend 3 hours yesterday and almost 2 hours today doing nothing but reading through this site and this one. I am like CRACK addicted to these sites. Confessions. What a wonderful thing. You should go over and check it out... but not until you have read everything that I have to say. Cause it'll be just soooo exciting. I promise. Once you click out of here... you will be cursing my name for introducing you to such a awesome site and wont come back here. Atleast for a couple hours. So dont even click over there... yet.

Both mornings that I went to get Bubba up, the moment the door started to open she was saying "DADDY!" but when she realized it was me... "MOMMA! OHH MOMMA BACK! I LUB YOU MOMMA!"

Talk about the songs my heart was singing.

Bubba is her hyperiest and cheeriest right in the morning. She didnt get that from her Daddy or I. She does these crazy I-am-running-around-in-circles-isnt-this-so-great and lets-crawl-all-over-the-floor-like-KITTENS-right-now! stuff in the morning that is just adorable. I mean really it is damn near breathtaking... that child makes me so mentally exhausted just watching her...

This particular morning she was wearing all pink (ok, that would be almost every morning) and I happened to have on my pink pajama bottoms as well. So after changing her diaper and letting her loose in the living room, I sat down on the couch and she runs over to me and starts giggling, "TICKLE YOUR PINK PANTS MOMMA! TICKLE, TICKLE, TICKLE."

Naturally I started tickling her little Pinkness right back and as we fell to the floor... she really thought I wanted to play the crawling around like kittens game.

Damnit. Mentally AND physically exhausted, I tell ya!

COME ON MOMMA! KITTENS! LIKE DIS'! WALK LIKE DIS'!

So we are crawling all over the floor and she scuttles over to me on all fours and gets right in my face and LICKS me from cheek to forehead and starts meowing. Then she looks right in my eyes and says, "Momma. You tickle me Pink."

I want EVERY morning to be JUST like this.

I Must Confess...

2007-04-26T08:28:00.000-06:00

...I went and confessed.

And it was wonderful.

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-04-24T18:50:00.000-06:00

I would really like to get better about posting a Tidbits of Me, Tuesday in which it could be read, by the masses... oh yes, the masses... ON TUESDAY. You know like... THUS THE TITLE. But, as I fail at much... I fail at being prepped and prepared for anything that I plan. Pertaining to a "Schedule of Posting" anyways... cause let me tell you... I was prepped and prepared for 10 MONTHS ahead of time for Bubba to come into this world. (Okay, maybe less the 9 weeks that I didnt have a CLUE I was pregnant.)

Damn. Where am I heading with all this? As my girl over at Adventures in Baby Fat would say... ONWARD!

Six days ago when I got home from the Day of the Evil MR I I decided that I would go on a diet. Not just a casual diet. But a STRICT diet that would for sure show results. Results that would guarantee a more successful time at my next MRI in six months. So my goal is to lose 50 pounds in the next 6 months.

I am by no means a HUUUUUUUUGE girl. I am just a little on the heavier side of delicate. Maybe just HUGE. Yeah, thats what we'll say. I have NEVER been satisfied with my weight... what woman ever has?

So Mandacakes has been sharing her Fitness Broo-ha-ha with me and I have been eagerly taking in every bit of advice. Even though she claims that all this diet information is boring... I am soaking it up.

And I have been buying a TON of veggies and fruits. Whole wheat and healthy grains. I am actually to the point that candy and sugars are like poison. I just dont want them. Having a donut at work is the LAST thing I want. So in that sense... this diet is going very well!! And I do feel great. I even started riding my bike to work. Yeah!

The only thing that has really sucked about the whole diet thing is... my body is a little freaked out. I have had a little higher gas build up and some seriously industrial waste smelling number 2s. ICK! But moving right along.

So other than squirming in my chair a little more at work... trying to hold back the little toots that want to escape... I have also had the hiccups. A lot. The hiccups that cut deep and nothing will take them away. As I sit there at work downing water and holding my breath, I continue to jump with every hiccup and sometimes those little bastards escape right out of my mouth. The audacity!

So yesterday when one of my male co-workers walked past my desk and a hiccup let loose... he looked at me with a little smirk on his face and asked if there was anything he could do to help.

I politely looked him in the eye and said, "I will rip BOTH of your balls off and shove them down your THROAT if you think for a moment that you are going to scare them away."

See the thing is... I am not a fan of being scared. Are there any people that ARE fans of being scared? Yeah, I know there are some freaks out there that LIKE to be scared. Anyways, I have always had an unnatural phobia of loud noises and being scared. I think it started with my EXTREMELY unnatural HATE of balloons.

Yeah, thats right. Bring one of those babies around me and I panic. Full blown terror. I feel I can admit this to you... the masses... because I know that none of you will use this to your advantage and try and chase me down with a balloon. I mean, please dont. PLEASE!

At my 5th birthday party, at Wendy's!, we played this game where there are balloons all over the floor. In the allotted time you have to SIT on as many as you can and pop them. (My heartbeat just went up to 100 as I am typing this...) Well, I lost the game. Lame huh? The BIRTHDAY GIRL LOST.

Since I was the LOSER... my (competitive, military) father picked me up and started setting me on balloons and popping them, telling me and SHOWING me how easy POP! the game POP! was and POP! for the love of Christ POP! RYAN, why couldnt you do this?

So... uhm... yeah. I have NEVER liked balloons pretty much since then. Which has turned into a HATE for them popping. That lead to every LOUD noise... scaring the living crap out of me. Car backfire? JUMP! Dog bark unexpectedly? Three years off my life. Something fall to the floor? Out of my skin!

Which in the end? Great. Way to go. Cause I have to maintain a steady heartrate and blood pressure but my husband thinks its funny when I jump. Bastard. Hes lucky I love him. Cause if I didnt? He would have had his balls shoved down his throat a long time ago.

I have an itch... and I dont know where to scratch.

2007-04-22T00:25:00.000-06:00

There must be something in the air. Maybe something in the water. Cause I am losing my mind. I feel like a ball of energy waiting to explode. Why you may ask?

I dont know.

I DO know that it is 1:30am and I just switched over yet another load of laundry. That makes about 6 loads today. I am even washing the comforter that has sat on my basement floor for the last 3 months waiting patiently to be washed.

I do know I spent about 2 hours earlier looking at new templates for my blog and came up empty handed. I am just going to build my own. I am going to master template making. I am going to be a TEMPLATE MAKING GODDESS! I mean, just as soon as I figure out CSS and Dreamweaver. No problem, right? When I ask my husband template questions he usually just takes over. There will be no more of that! I am going to learn. And master.

I do know I took apart my entire vacuum this evening and cleaned it out. Like detailed it. I think it is now cleaner than the day I bought it. Oh, how I love you vacuum.

I do know that I still heart my pedicure and every chance I get... I sneak a peak at my pretty little painted toes. This bitch is wearing flip flops at EVERY available chance.

I do know that I got a new pair of sunglasses this weekend. Prescription sunglasses. And I absolutely love them to death. And my husband keeps telling me what a nerd I am for wearing them in the house. Now I am thinking about moving to Alaska, so I can wear them 24/7 for 6 months straight.

I do know that I have a thousand thoughts going through my mind (obviously from my irritating and unorganized ramblings above) and I cant even think straight. Maybe its cause Spring is finally here? Just when I thought that winter was going to last forever and I was going to fall into a never ending depression... Spring FINALLY FREAKING came.

And its about damn time too.

Today my parents came up and we all went bike riding. We rode to the park and played in the sand along side Bubba. Cause there was no where else in the WORLD that little girl wanted to be than in that sand. Covered in it. And I didnt even care that she was dirty from head to toe. We had so much fun burying her toys and then digging them out. Over and over and over again.

And after a couple hours of that... its dinner time.

And it took my parents, husband and I about 15 minutes until we finally convinced Bubba it would be more fun to go home to eat! dinner! than play in the sand any longer. Cause every time I asked her if she was ready to go she said, "One more minute" as in leave me the HELL alone I am having SO much more fun than anything else you could plan today!!

When we got home, my Mom and I made dinner. Steaks! YUM! It was so nice to work in the kitchen with my Mom. It has been a long time since we did that. Just hung out and had fun cooking. It really made me look back and realize that sometimes crazy things have to happen for people to remember how much they love each other. To remember how much fun the other person could be.

Over the last month we have gotten a lot closer. And it has been great. Obviously I could have done without the almost dying part to make us get closer... but I wouldnt change a thing about the last month. (Okay, I could have done with the MRIs... well and the dying part.) You know what I am trying to say. I have really missed my Mom.

We talk on the phone almost everyday and see each other every couple of days. When we lived 6 blocks away from each other we only saw each other on holidays and special occasions. Of course that is always full of stress and craziness. So the last couple of weeks have been a welcome relief.

As my parents packed up and left this evening we were already making plans for tomorrow. How cool is that?! YEAH! They just adopted two new kitties from the Humane Society so we are going to go and check them out. Jack and Chloe. I'll give you one guess where those names came from.

Well, the buzzer on the dryer just went... Gotta go get load number 7 started.

I am stable.

2007-04-20T13:43:00.000-06:00

Well... while I wish I could use that word to describe my mental state at all times... I cant. Cause the only thing STABLE on this bitch is her brain.

Thats right! YEAH!

Things went well in Madison. Nothing changed. Nothing grew. Nothing shrunk, either. (Well, except my fat ass lost 6 pounds.) Woot woot!

I didnt have a very fun time with the MRI... we arent really speaking right now. Next time I even have to come within 100 feet of that thing I will be FULLY loaded with valium.

So thank you for your well wishes. I love you all so much. And yes, Willis was there with me the entire time.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away...

2007-04-17T18:23:00.000-06:00

I have an entire bushel picked and ready to go with me.

I am headed back to Madison tonight to see my doctors tomorrow. I will be going through some MRI testing and what not. With and without contrast. And something else they call "tricks."

I mean really. Tricks? Should I be worried?

So, please say a little prayer that everything is just fine. No changes. Cause I am anxious already to get back home and curl up with my little girl on the couch. Cause there is nothing better than Spongebob reruns.

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-04-17T17:05:00.000-06:00

When I was five years old my Mom took me into the cul-da-sac in front of our house and took the training wheels off my bike. Handed me my helmet and said, "Ryan, today we are going to learn how to ride without training wheels."

Well, I basically said, "RYAN! DO IT!" I strapped my helmet on. Pulled my socks up to my knees and jumped on that little red bike and took control.

And a couple scrapes later I was riding circles in front of the house, having needed no assistance from Mom or Dad what-so-ever, without any little baby training wheels. Cause I was a big girl now, damnit.

We use to take family bike rides all the time. Whether it be just going around the block or on longer 10-20 mile rides as I got older.

When I was 10 my parents got me my first ever 10 speed bike. Yeah, that scared the living hell out of me. But it was the next step. And I was ready. My Dad and I started riding every. single. day. after he got home from work. Monday-Thursday we went about 15 miles. On Fridays we went 40 miles. Then on Sunday we all rode as a family and would do casual 5-10 mile trips because my sister was in the little buggy thing on the back of my Dad's bike.

Slowly we started taking longer trips and then my Dad had a great idea. Lets do a MS 150 Bike Tour. My Great Aunt on my Dad's side has Multiple Sclerosis and the ride raises money for research. We would then ride in her name.

Thats right. MATCHING shirts.
It was so we could spot each other quickly on the road.
You convinced?
And oh yeah, that is SO an Astro van in the background.

Can you figure out which one I am?

And when I say ride... obviously the "150" part meant 150 miles. In two days. My parents were confident that we would do just fine and signed up. We trained until the day we left and all 4 of us (my sister in the buggy) finished in the two days alloted. We went from San Antonio, Texas to Corpus Cristi, Texas. It was a pretty cool thing. A very good sense of accomplishment. I was the youngest rider ever to finish.

But I'll tell you there were times coming across the cotton fields with the wind whipping us at 30 miles per hour that I thought I was actually going BACKWARDS. (By the way, do you know what stressed spells backwards?... Cool huh?)

A couple years later we did another MS Tour when we lived in South Carolina and my sister was big enough to ride. That year SHE was the youngest ever to ride and finish.

I just love cycling. I would ride my bike everywhere if I didnt care how my hair looked. Yeah, thats my excuse now. When we moved to Wisconsin a couple years ago, my husband and I left our bikes in Texas. But two years ago, my parents got me a new bike for my birthday and a little buggy for Bubba to ride in. Man, she loooves that thing.

I will admit this picture is from May 2005 but
she is damn cute and this is the only
picture of her I have in her buggy.
Totally pimped out with toys and her own pillow.

I am excited that the weather has finally began to warm up and am so eager to get riding again. I just think it is so great that cycling for me has come full circle. I know we are a ways off from taking Bubba's training wheels off... but I can hardly wait.

Her grandpa is currently fixing up my little red bike for Bubba. How cool is that?

Back to the Basics.

2007-04-14T10:08:00.000-06:00

My sweet little girl is in the process of getting four of her molars. At once. Thats right, all together in one grand symphony of P A I N.

There is the constant whining. Everything pisses her off. The fighting to eat food. The throwing of her juice cup. The stomping around. Nothing can get her mind off of her teeth... all of her toys have become victims. I even feel bad for some of them... poor Buzz Lightyear keeps being run over with her trucks and then slammed against the wall. Noooo Buzzzz!! NOOOOO!!

Maybe he is the one that told her molars to come in?

So we have done all of the normal remedies to help sooth her poor little gums as her teeth BREAK OUT of them. Cool washcloth. Stop it Momma! Oragel. STOP IT MOMMA! Rubbing the gums with my fingers. Go away MOMMA!

Really the only thing that helps are Popsicles. But we know why. They are messy and fun. I mean 2½ year old + popsicle = Mess and stains on the carpet = no security deposit back.

Cant they make flavored WHITE Popsicles?

The other morning Bubba woke up with a 105 degree fever. And diarrhea. So we immediately figured it to be her teeth and gave her some Tylenol to help bring the fever down. It helped a little but we had to give her 3 doses throughout the day. And of course her diarrhea gave her a sore bottom.

How is it that your child can poop... immediately waddle to you and scream DIAPER! CHANGE! and 15 seconds later you are changing them... and they have the REDDEST, NASTIEST diaper rash already?! Grrr...

At 3:00am that next morning Bubba woke up moaning and groaning while holding her ear. She was hot as hell and shaking yet sweating. Mr. Bubba and I jumped out of bed and did everything we thought would help. Changed her clothes, her diaper, rocked her, gave her some juice. Nothing was helping. I went to get some Tylenol and realized that we were out. Since we live in Bumblefuck, WI nothing would have been open at this hour so I gave her the next best thing.

I am currently taking Baby Aspirin as a blood thinner and gave her one of those. I got a cool washcloth and rubbed her face and neck. After a half an hour her fever was still sky high and she was starting to shake more. Then I noticed her eyes. She wasnt focusing on anything and they just looked... wrong.

So we rushed around like headless chickens getting everything ready to go to the ER. Mr. Bubba and I were randomly shouting things to each other about what we thought they would do. Once before when Bubba was teething and having a bad time with the whole thing... we went to the doctor. The doctor informed us that fever and diarrhea had nothing to do with teething and she must have just had a viral infection.

Hello. Teething INVENTED the fever and diarrhea. Am I right here?! I am so freaking pissed off about doctors who deny this fact of the universe.

Well crazy doctors aside we were scared shittless about what Bubba was going through. Something just wasnt right.

When we got to the ER and as I raced through the last 24 hours with the nurse she looked at me like a crazy woman when I told her about an hour ago we gave Bubba Baby Aspirin. And when the doctor came in, he totally scolded me.

You ARE NOT allowed to give a 2½ year old Aspirin. What were you thinking?!

**Blink blink** What do you mean? B A B Y Aspirin. It said on the side of the bottle that it was good for teething and then I looked at the weight chart and gave her two.

No. Children under the age of 18 ARE NOT allowed to have Aspirin. There is a thing called Reyes syndrome...

Okay. Lets back up the train here. I had NO IDEA that Baby Aspirin was off limits. Am I the only one here?! OMG I had no idea. The doctor told me that I could have worsened her situation when I gave her the Aspirin. Never. Ever. EVER. Give your child Aspirin.

Am I seriously the only person that didnt know this?! I have read so many books and websites and blogs on parenting and never heard this. I feel like shit. Like I poisoned my daughter. Dear God whatever you do... dont give your little ones Aspirin!

Here's some backup on why:

Waiting until your child is 19 years old to take aspirin or any medication that contains aspirin may seem overly cautious to you, especially if you took baby aspirin when you were a kid, but following this advice could save your child's life. That's because aspirin use during childhood has been linked with a rare, but often fatal illness known as Reye's syndrome . The risk is especially high for children who take aspirin when they have a fever or other symptoms of a viral illness, such as flu or chickenpox.

While at the ER we also learned that we have been under dosing her Tylenol... she now falls into the next category for dosing. That could have been another reason her fever wasnt fully going away. They told us to alternate Tylenol and Motrin every 3 hours and so far... fingers crossed... she has been doing much better.

High Expectations.

2007-04-11T21:04:00.000-06:00

Husband: It took you THAT long to get there?

Me: Well, I ran into more construction than I thought I would.

Husband: How much were you expecting?

Me: None.

Even Higher Expectations.

2007-04-11T20:50:00.000-06:00

Bubba: Daddys shirt.

Daddy: What?

Bubba: Daddys shirt.

Daddy: What do you want, Bubba?

Bubba: Daaaaddyyyys! SHIRT!

Daddy: One more time, Bubba.

Bubba: DAAAAADDDYYYS! SHIIIRRRT!

Daddy: Show Daddy.

Bubba (Said with the look of death and the devil voice.): Daddys. shirt.

Daddy: Bubba. I have NO IDEA what you are saying.

Bubba promptly stomps over to her to her toybox, reaches within and thrusts her dinosaur into the air with the look of, "Dont give me this SHIT Daddy, I was OBVIOUSLY saying dinosaur."

Daddy: Well, Bubba why didnt you say so?

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-04-10T21:24:00.000-06:00

I am stubborn. Since conception I have been. I always will be. And I try to considerate it... use it as a strength.

But there are times that I can give up easily. I wont even fight.

And sometimes it is so hard to walk away. To realize that there are somethings that JUST arent worth it.

And they should be. Cause I thought so.

But thats life... its never been fair. And it isnt going to start being fair.

Now he calls me his "Old Lady."

2007-04-09T19:41:00.000-06:00

My husband and I may only be 28 days apart... the old farts birthday was in March... but is that anyway to treat a lady?

Well I aint no lady.

(Rolls eyes... how can I say that when I talk about my pedicure in the same post?)

We had an absolutely WONDERFUL time on Saturday. When I got to work today and the girls where asking me about my birthday, of course, their first question was, "Where did you go out to eat?!"

Subway.

Oh...

Well, the thing is. I didnt need anything fancy for my birthday. We were going to go to our favorite Chinese place. Although that would have put us past 8pm. And we told the babysitter we would be back at 8pm. So the most logical and literally my second choice, was Subway. Yum. Yum.

And what else did we do? We started off by going to my spa pedicure. Holy moly on a shish-ka-bob. THAT was fabulous. If I could justify spending $40 on my TOENAILS and FEET once a month, I would do it. But as it stands... it was hard enough to spend a GIFT CERTIFICATE on it.

But my feet look hot. I mean... HOT! And I have never said that about my feet. Well, atleast about how they LOOKED.

We also went to Best Buy and bought me things. And whats so special about that? You know my husband loves me when we can go into Best Buy and NOT buy him anything. It. was. all. about. me.

Then we went to Starbucks. Did some Passion Tea with lemonade (add sweetener) lovin'. Man that drink is so good.

We drank our Starbucks on the way to the mall. And I went to JCPenney's and bought towels. Hell yeah. Want to know the best part? They were 60% off.

**High fives for everyone! 60% OFF!**

I totally had the best day ever. And I didnt end the day in the ER. Imagine that. I would say, it was a successful birthday in the Bubba household.

One more makes 27.

2007-04-07T11:40:00.000-06:00

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true.
Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life.
Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for.
Unless it's death by meteor.
www.despair.com

Well I wont be blowing out any candles and wishing for death by meteor. Not just yet anyways. I have a babysitter lined up for today and scheduled my first ever spa pedicure. Man, I am so excited.

When I told my husband I had done so and that we were going out to dinner afterwards, other than asking if we could go to Best Buy too... he said, "We ARENT going to that little Italian place are we!!?"

No, I dont really want a side of hives with dinner. JeezSUS. I figured we would go somewhere "safe."

He just wanted me for my body.

2007-04-06T18:43:00.000-06:00

And TRUST ME, there was nothing sexual about it. For the first 30 minutes I was talking to the doctor yesterday afternoon, there was a twinkle in his eye. Like a youth in them when he was talking about my twisted and distorted brain.

For the longest time I was a little weirded out. Then I figured it all out. His enthusiasm about what was going on, the uncertainties, the uniqueness of my "disease," the research and testing... he was looking at me like, "Damn. If you die from this, can I dissect you?" Cause your brain would be like a trophy in a jar down in the lab. I will take it for walks and we'd eat lunch together under the ole gum tree every. single. day.

Seriously. I thought about this the ENTIRE visit. Okay well... the only time I wasnt thinking about it? I was thinking about how my gown was by NO MEANS actually covering me. Oh, and why in the HELL anyone thought it would be a good idea to put the Neurology Clinic in with the Infectious Disease Clinic*. Yeah. Really. You walk in and on the right is Neurology and on the left is Infectious Disease.

Infectious... Disease.

Why in the living hell couldnt it JUST be the Disease Clinic? Cause when I sat down to wait for the doctor when I first arrived... do you even think for a moment I was going to pick up a magazine to read in THAT waiting room?

Hell the FUCK no. Infectious disease. Ick.

I held Willis tight to me. I wouldnt even let HIM read a magazine.

Speaking of Willis... here he is!
Never. Even for a second. Left my side.
He wouldnt do a flip for the camera though.
I think he is a little shy.

Once my doctors visit was done and I FINALLY found my way out of the hospital and on my merry way, I was quite glad that everything went pretty well. I mean, shit. I wasnt tattooed, pierced or mohawked. I wasnt admitted. I didnt have to get through any crazy ass procedures. No medical power of attorney.

I could get the hang of this. As long as nothing changes!

Being as though my doctors visit was 450 miles round trip, I had plently of time to reflect on the visit itself on the way home. In the end, I defiantly feel better about things. I think. Here's what I learned.

1. The TIA or mini-stroke I had last weekend could have JUST been a symptom of a migraine. Its common to have "neurological lapses" that would include temporary loss of my feeling in the left side of my body.

2. That while there is a good chance that my migraines have NOTHING to do with my crazy arteries, the doctor has a "gut" feeling it is all related. Which is good. Cause I agree with that and was quite freaked out to think that they might NOT have anything to do with one another.

3. The reason that I dont have any literature or research on my "disease" is the very fact, as everything is happening, it IS research. Which, damn... I would defiantly rather be a cookie cutter diagnosis with a cookie cutter resolve... but I guess it is neat to be part of the learning process. As long as they continue to make sure that if SOMETHING does happen, that I continue to make it out of the hospital ALIVE.

4. The tests that I have to go back to Madison for on the 18th arent as scary as I first thought. Once he talked about the MRI/MRA, tricks and experimental things relating it all to photography... it made sense. And I shouldnt need any tranquilizers like I thought I was going to require.

5. With all the twistedness of the arteries in my head, I was worried that other places in my body would be twisted too. He let me know when I had my angiogram that they "hopped over to my kidney and checked things out." Apparently IF something would have gone array anywhere else... that would have been the key location to check out. When they got over to the kidneys... everything was healthy and normal. Thank God.

So, equipped with more understanding, I am feeling better. I still may be worried that if I sneeze... I will blow up but I am not scared about taking a crap anymore.

(*Please dont think that me saying something like that about the Infectious Disease Clinic meant that I am in any way making fun of someone who actually has something that would require them to be seen by a doctor in this department. I was just thrown off by the combining of clinics and figured that a clinic like "Infectious Disease" should have maybe... had its own area. Cause I am a freak about germs and what not.)

Say a little prayer for me...

2007-04-05T07:53:00.000-06:00

Today I am going down to Madison to see my doctors for a little checkup. I wasnt suppose to go down until later in the month but last Saturday I had a TIA, or mini-stroke that left my entire left side completely numb for about an hour.

All feeling returned and since then, with the help of a couple extra medicines, I have been feeling great. As in GREAT. As in, I may have even snuck me in some husband time since then. **wink** So along with five days with only ONE migraine... That spells relief.

So I have my favorite outfit on, my lucky underwear and Willis. I am feeling good and ready to go. Oh, Willis... I bet you are wondering who he is...

When my parents came to the hospital for my first MRI when all of this craziness began my Mom brought me a stuffed animal. An adorably soft little dog. I held that thing every second of the time during my stay in the hospital. I swear they even let me hold him during my angiogram.

AsI was thinking about everything the doctors said to me and trying to contemplate things, it struck me to call my new friend, Willis. Cause everyone has a circle of Willis...well I dont have a circle... I have some really twisted arteries and what not... but anyways he is my "Willis." And he can do circles.

Thus. Even without my very own "Circle of Willis"... I have a circling Willis.

Why April is going to be the BEST MONTH EVER.

2007-04-04T22:24:00.000-06:00

When this year started I was going the I'm-NOT-making-any-resolutions-and-just-going-to-be-more-optimistic route and while that worked good and well until March hit... then I was Tattooed. Pierced. and Mohawked. all in the same weekend AFTER a month filled with everything that could go wrong DID.

Trust me, more than a THOUSAND TIMES I said as March was coming to a close, "Uhm yeah, I cant WAIT for this month to be over. Like now. Cause I cant take anymore."

Then I barely noticed as April started. It wasnt until my brother-in-law tried to pull a fast one on me and gave me the good ole APRIL FOOLS! joke that made my mind race and question if I was sane or not. No. It was a sign. I had just passed out of a month gone all wrong.

Which brings us to the punchline!

Since April 1st I have had only one migraine. One. In 4 days. Hot damn.

Since April 2nd, when I returned to work after 7 days off being sick, I have accomplished more work than I thought possible. My creativeness has been sparked and I am "on fire!"

Since April 3rd, I landed a freelance job that will ensure any time off that I had because I used ALL of my personal days and ALL of my vacation days in March, will not put my husband and I in a financial bind like first thought.

And on this day I found out that I am a finalist on the Best of Blogs for Parenting. I mean wow... parenting. Like woah. I threw a little piece up on the sidebar. Its my first ever blogland award. I am alittle excited to say the least. And the thing is? I havent even won or anything, I was just a finalist.

Since April 4th... and holy shit that would be TODAY... my husband walked into a interview and HAD THE JOB before he opened his mouth to say hi. That's right folks. We will soon be a TWO INCOME FAMILY! Hot damn again!!

April 7th is my birthday.

April 16th is my girls birthday. (And there is PLENTY of satisfaction in knowing that I am the more mature and wise NINE ENTIRE DAYS OLDER one here.)

And I know there are better days ahead and things to look forward to. Finally. So please... do a little happy dance and think good thoughts about April. PLEASE! It's gonna be the BEST MONTH EVER!

Spoiled ROTTEN.

2007-04-01T19:25:00.000-06:00

You rang?

And sometimes among my SEA of TOYS
I MAY acknowledge you.

Since Bubba was born, my husband and I have made sure that no matter what, Bubba has had everything she needed. And wanted. Seemingly lately.... just wanted. We dont have the checkbook to get her EVERYTHING... but pretty damn close to everything she has ever wanted. When they are young you can make anything a dollar seem like a thousand.

Bubba overall is an angel so I dont mind getting her a little something here and there when we go out. And if I go somewhere without her, if I see something she would like, I'll get it for her. I mean, who can go to Target WITHOUT getting a couple of useless things from the One Spot. Because I tell you... Target is GENIUSES for inventing the One Spot!! I heart the One Spot.

For the last couple of months Bubba has had a sudden attraction to watching movies on my husband and I's computers. She will get her blanket, the toy of the day, her juice cup and then crawl up into the office chair loudly demanding that "Bubba watch ____ (usually the movie Cars) on the compute!"

Of course my husband being the computer nerd that he is, smiles from ear to ear and says, "THAT'S my girl." I know by the time my daughter is 5 SHE will be the one fixing MY computer when it fails to do whatever I want.

We thought that maybe Bubba's love for the computer would wear off... wouldnt it be more fun to watch a movie in the living room? On the couch. Wrapped in a blanket? Oh no. Not this Bubba. So we switch her from computer to computer depending on what my husband or I need on our own computer. That can be quite frustrating for us and Bubba. In the 30 seconds it takes to switch her around she will throw the fit of the CENTURY and scream and kick because WE INTERRUPTED HER! How DARE us.

We have been contemplating setting up a computer for her. We have enough spare parts to put together a computer that would be more than adequate for her. My daughter. At 2. With her own computer. Yeah. We live in a different world than when I was TWO!

The only part we didnt have for her computer was a monitor. So we have been looking around and hoping to pick up a cheap one. And I have been looking for a desk or something similar for her to have her computer on. Then we made a startling realization.

Hello. Does she really NEED an entire computer? So when we saw this TV. Saw that it was a Spongebob TV. We knew we hit pay dirt. So to further the theme... we saw this table and chair set. OMG. Spongebob everything!! We were in heaven!!

And of course so is Bubba. Pure. Unadulterated Spongebob heaven. (And I tell you, those little chairs are like THE CUTEST THING EVER!) Oh how she shrieked! And exclaimed "BongeBob TV?! Bongebob sit down! TWO Bongebob sit down! Bongebob table!" So now she is set up in the office with Mr. Bubba and I and she has brought in all of her little toys to sit with her and she makes sure they are all lined up! and in order! to watch Bongebob! TV!

And you know whats sad as I look at those particular toys. About 95% of them are from McDonald's happy meals. JeezSUS. She really IS spoiled rotten. Cause just about every time we pass those Golden Arches she says "FREN FRY!! BUBBA FREN FRY! Bubba HUNgry!" And we go. Like obedient parents. Barf.

I'm just selfish. I cant help it.

2007-03-31T18:30:00.000-06:00

It is hard to believe that only one week ago today I was in the hospital thinking I was going to die. Maybe not QUITE die. Well I thought I was but I had a lot of encouragement saying I wouldnt. But I thought I would be going into surgery where to fix things, they were going to have to go through my FACE! after shaving my head. That sounds close to death.

And the reason THOSE things scared the living shit out of me? Well, besides the whole surgery thing, possibly losing my right eye, being shaved, having surgery, them cutting into my FACE! because they were doing surgery!, having a stroke and other uncertainties like... what will life be like now? and will I EVER be able to go home and see my husband and daughter again... the thing that freaks me out the most... is that I am just not ready to..."go."

I mean really, who is ever "ready to go"...

As I sat in the hospital and thought through all of these things, I just couldnt get my mind to wrap around any of it. I couldnt FINISH through with the thought of what would happen if I wasnt here. And for now I dont think I am going to try and wrap my mind around that. I am just saying. I mean shit. There is so much that has to be done and so much I want to do in life.

There are the things that go without saying. I want to spend every possible second with my daughter. Teach her. Nurture her. And hold her hand as much as I can throughout life without holding on too hard. She has to learn. She has to grow. And some of it she has to do on her own. But I always want to be there. Always ready. When she needs me. Waiting. To listen to her in her time of need. To understand. To trust her. And to know that she will overcome any obstacle.

I feel like my husband and I have JUST begun our lives together. I want to be that couple that you see walking through the mall at the age of 85. Still hand in hand. Walking in step, slow as it may be, with each other, with that look of satisfaction on their faces. That life was good. And their was nothing they regretted. And that there is no one else in the world they would rather have by their side. Than one another.

I am just not ready. There is much that hasnt happened yet. That I can and cant imagine. I want to be here for all of it.

And I dont want to become negative. I am already scared shitless. But I dont want to live every moment thinking it is my last. Every time I feel a pain in my head or get a migraine I am terrified that I am going to have a stroke. Or my aneurysm is going to burst. (I think that IS called a stoke.) Anyways... I wish I could get past this stage. I know with time and constant monitoring and watching my head with no changes I will start to let those thoughts fall away. But it is such a hard thing to do.

I mean if you had just found out that you had an extra set of arms? Wouldnt you think about those bitches ALL THE TIME? And wonder about them. But if the doctor told you at any minute they MIGHT fall off? Wouldnt you use them AS MUCH as possible. And play with them. And freak out the neighbors?

Okay... this is a WAAAY bad analogy. But you get what I am saying? Right?!

DOUBLE Dammit.

2007-03-30T09:59:00.000-06:00

Damn. Karma is a mofo. Here I click on over to see what is happening in "Whit's Crazy World" and when I see that she has been tagged for a meme , I silently evil chuckle to myself and think "I am SO glad I have never been tagged to do one of those."

But, for the love of everything Whitney, she got me. Tagged me. I have been Found. Caught. Tortured.

So, here is my first eva' meme...

5 Things I have never revealed on this site:

1. I have a horrible obsession with my fingernails. I trim! and clip! and trim! and clip! them all the time. I have about 6 dozen clippers strategically placed and well hidden all over the house. Just. in. case. I need to do an emergency clip! and trim! job. I just want them to be PERFECT. All the time.

2. I am a tube sock lover. I LOAAATHE those little short ankle socks. Why? I dont have a clue. Most people wear them very well. I just dont. Cant. The more sock.... the closer to the KNEE... the safer I feel.

3. My favorite movie of ALL TIME is Aladdin. I know every word. Every song. I might have even dressed as Aladdin one year for Halloween. (Okay and my Mom may have sooo made my costume too. It was damn cute.)

4. I am a Trekkie. To. the. core. Next Generation all the way baby! Oh, the amount of blackmail material Mandacakes and I have on each other over THIS topic.

5. I dont trust dryer sheets. No. I DO trust dryer sheets. I dont trust JUST ONE to do the job. I always throw in like 2. Okay, maybe more like 3 or 4. I feel as a group they will do a better job together.

I tag the beautiful. The amazing. Mrs. Mandacakes!!

Just leave it to me to be the adult here.

2007-03-29T15:36:00.000-06:00

Some people find grenades in their potatoes... ME? I find dirty, dirty, naughty thoughts and unacceptable childish behavior.

Cause this is the biggest pair of balls I have ever seen.
(Whatcha think Mandacakes ? Are these close?)

Or they could be an anatomically correct sculpture of my boobs.

Or whatever....

If she is already doing this at 2... What in the world is 16 going to be like?

2007-03-28T15:25:00.000-06:00

Last night Bubba and I went to see my parents and just spent some time with them... you know, when I wasnt about to die. Makes the time together a little more enjoyable!

Well Mom wanted to go the to mall and get an outfit for her plane ride to Austria. That's right. My parents are going overseas to visit my sister in Austria for 2 weeks. Talk about JEALOUS!

So we go to the mall and are in a clothing store. Mom is looking through the racks and I am chasing Bubba all over the store. In the second my Mom asked me what I thought about a shirt Bubba ran out of the store. I was quickly looking around for her when a lady walks into the front of the store and loudly asks if anyone has a little boy or girl?

Well, goddamnit, I put her in a PINK dress with tights and little PINK shoes and you cant tell if SHE is a girl... I dont know WHAT ELSE I COULD POSSIBLY DO!!

So I run out of the store to see that my little girl has found herself a boy. She. is. two. years. old. Runs away from her Mommy. Cause she found a boy.

Good heavens. Last time I put my little girl in a dress and tights.

So much for keeping my blood pressure down.

Tattooed, Pierced and Mohawked.

2007-03-26T10:43:00.000-06:00

Yes, I am alive. Never been so incredibly thankful to BE... so very alive. Thank you to everyone who continued to send me well wishes and emails of encouragement. I love you all and hope to NEVER have to fall off the face of the earth again.

Last time I posted I was talking about snowstorms and our household of sickness. Somewhere in there (2 weeks ago now) I have a "saved as a draft" post with quotes like "What a wild week. Its been one thing after another. After another. After another" and "Tuesday rolled around and even though we were getting an unexpected 7 inches of snow, I managed to drag myself to the emergency walk-in clinic. Bronchitis. Just great."

Well, that week turned into another awful week. That turned into ANOTHER even MORE AWFULLER WEEK.

Which brings me to today. Another week. That I pray... calms down.

I could write an incredibly long story about "The Month of March for Ryan and what her Poor Unsuspecting Family could NEVER have Imagined" but I think to the best way to summarize things... is to just give you a list. Or atleast start out with one.

1. Everyone in our house got the flu.
2. The head gasket on my van EXPLODED.
3. My husband and I had matching sinus infections.
4. Mine turned into bronchitis.
5. I broke my glasses. in. half.
6. The back up contacts I had, were the wrong prescription for the 5 days before I got my glasses replaced.
7. For my husbands birthday dinner, I told him to pick anywhere. We went to this cutie little Italian place with my parents and were treated to dinner on them. How sweet huh?
8. The service was awful, the food was all wrong and within 2 hours I was completely broken out in HIVES... Then spent the night in the emergency room.
9. I used a lot of personal days at work.
10. I got to know EVERYONE personally in the ER.
11. The hives returned TENFOLD and I got tons of steroids and drugs.
12. Managed to get a little better... cause apparently STEROIDS make your BRONCHITIS better... and kept my scheduled flight/vacation to Dallas, Texas to see my cousin and friends.
13. Had an absolutely wonderful time in Dallas and hope to expand on the good parts for you later.
14. Started to get a headache.
15. That turned into a migraine.
16. That turned into ANOTHER ER visit.
17. That resulted in Cat Scan.
18. That turned into an emergency you-have-to-come-in-NOW! cause-we-FOUND-SOMETHING MRI.
19. That turned into the worst nightmare of my life.

Which from here my list turns into an experience I would never wish on my worst enemy. I never thought in a million years that I would have one last chance to run home before being rushed to a hospital in a neighboring city and only seconds to look my husband in the eye and tell him that no matter what happened to me, that he promised me, to love our little Bubba with all his heart and make sure her momma knew that she loved her forever. I had seconds to hug her and kiss her and had to actually let go, set her down, walk out the door, with that being maybe the last time I would ever hold her again because I. might. not. come. back.

My parents dropped everything to be by my side every step of the way. They went into action mode and never for a second let me believe anything but a miracle was going to happen. I talked to family and friends all over the globe that I never thought I would get a chance to talk to again.

My MRI "found" an aneurysm on my carotid artery. I spent the night in the ER under bed rest with that discovery playing over and over again in my mind. In the morning they took me by ambulance to another hospital in Madison to be seen by the best neurosurgeons and neurologists this country has to offer.

After going through several tests the next step was a cerebral angiogram to determine what was EXACTLY going on. Had I had a stroke? Was there bleeding? What did this aneurysm look like so they could operate on it. If they had to. When they had to.

(When I had the angiogram they actually gave my va-jayjay a shave. And I thought they just straight up shave it. No. They took the sides. And gave me a MOWHAWK. Nice huh? Then pierced me in the leg... did their thing and then tattooed my foot in PERMANENT black marker to map my arteries. So my Mom made the comment when she was talking to my husband when I got out of surgery, "You know, turn your back and Ryan goes off to the big city to be tattooed, pierced and mohawked.")

Its amazing the roller coaster of emotions that I went through as these events unfolded. I figured I would be fine. BUT I've been to THREE hospitals in less than 24 hours. I'll be fine. BUT they drove me by freaking AMBULANCE cause it was that urgent. No problem... I'll be home in a couple days. BUT I am setting up a Medical Power of Attorney and saying things like, "Man I dont even have a will."

When the cerebral angiogram was complete and the neurologists and neurosurgeons sat down with me... an entirely different but still scary as hell story unfolded.

I am unique. So unique that my head is now in a very small percentile of cases even reported. The arteries in my head arent straight and beautiful like most. They are twisted and ballooned and snake all over the place. I have a couple "extras" in there. Some that go no nowhere. Some that dont exist. And others that are taking up the slack for the missing.

The aneurysm on my carotid artery isnt as big as they first thought but still a spot that needs to be watched carefully. I have another spot to be watched in the back of my head somewhere.

What the hell does all that really mean? Well, I am still trying to figure it out. I am alive.

I will be thankful for every breathe that I take and every kiss, hug and silly moment with my little Bubba. I'll say I love you one MORE time when I hang up the phone with my parents and friends. I will stop and smell the flowers. I will tell my husband again that he is the best father. The best husband. And the most amazing man I could have ever hoped for. I will make sure my sister knows how much I love to tease her about her BIG HAIRY BROWN CIRCLE.

No one had to cut my head open. For now. I will continue to go to Madison and have tests done. I'll be monitored for life. And I'll pray that nothing changes. Nothing gets bigger. And everything stays calm. Including me. Cause it is all about keeping my blood pressure down and stress eliminated.

Easier said than done in my world. But now I am working on it in a big way. Cause now the phrase Its a matter of life and death takes on a WHOLE new meaning.

I am surprised I can even sit here.

2007-03-04T21:25:00.000-06:00

Well, our house was finally hit with the "sickness" felt around the world. Wanting to just die seems like heaven. There is nothing that breaks my heart more than waking at 6am to my daughter saying, "PAH-LEAASSSEE Bubba juice. PAH-LEEEASSSE Momma juice!"

Her poor little throat. All of us have poor little throats this weekend.

I slept about 20 hours from Saturday night through most of Sunday. I can barely go to the bathroom without breaking a sweat. Somehow I managed to start a load of laundry... Who knows when it will get finished.

Hope all is well elsewhere.

I'm starting to think the world is ending.

2007-03-01T17:29:00.000-06:00

Well that would be what it looks like outside at this very moment. I cannot even begin to explain to you the state of terrified excitement I am in right now. At 4:00 o'clock today my boss told us all to go home. At 4:04pm it started snowing and as of 5:34pm... SIX INCHES have fallen already.

A total snowfall of 10-14 inches... heavy snow... 1 to 2 inches an hour... snow through Friday... snow... sleet... ice... strong winds...Travel difficult to impossible... very difficult to shovel...

Very difficult to shovel. Good thing I am married. :)

This storm has been brewing for a couple of days and I am very positive I am not alone in this storm. It is massive and has caused havoc and disaster all over the United States. As I was tracking this storm when I came home... I saw that 14 people died in Alabama and Missouri as tornadoes touched down today. My heart goes out to those families.

This picture was taken about 20 minutes into the storm and you can already see the snow piling up. The winds are howling. The temperatures are falling. (Well I know you cant SEE the winds howling and the temperatures... I was just describing the scene. Smartasses.)

On Tuesday afternoon as this storm was taking shape I told my husband that I would not be doing my Thursday night shopping spree for groceries and supplies. So that evening I went and got a couple of things that I knew we would need through the weekend... cause with the storm... I knew there would be no getting out.

When I was at the store I noticed that all the gallons of water were empty from the shelves. There was barely any milk or bread. That made me panic. Cause when Wisconsinites start to panic about a snowstorm. I PANIC BIG TIME. Cause every storm until now has just been good ole Wisconsin weather.

Not this one.

Anyone else in this mess?

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-02-27T17:01:00.000-06:00

This week I wanted to talk about color. Color and me. Me and color. AND NO, this isnt some weird way to "come out of the closet" and tell you I am gay. (Even IF I put up a picture of a rainbow... that doesnt symbolize anything... I was doing a little googling and found this photo... Beautiful isnt it?! It's Hawaii.) I just may have a name like Ryan AND be a girl... BUT I LOVE BOYS. Er... I call them boys. I call all MEN boys. (Even my boss I refer to as a "boy.") OMG. I must sound like a freak...

Moving RIGHT along...

My favorite color growing up was purple. EVERY. THING. was. purple. Then as I hit high school my favorite color was green. A dark emerald green. The first car I ever bought... after this incident... was a green Grand AM. And I have pretty much been a lover of the color green since. Blue is right up there at the top. But if it was life or death? My favorite color is green.

Most of my wardrobe is either blue or green. I really try hard to wear red but I think it clashes with my hair. And it makes the pink tint to my face... even more freaking pinkier. I CANNOT, COULDNOT ever even TRY to attempt to wear yellow. Yellow and I? We dont like to wear each other. One bit. But I will say at my high school prom... I wanted to wear a yellow dress sooooo bad.

I have always wanted to have a "Red Room" in my house. Preferably the bedroom but I had to paper, rock, scissors my husband over that. Yeah and well... my "Red Room" is my bathroom. The bedroom is blues and greens. Which overall looks great but its no "Red Room." The bathroom? It took me TWO GODDAMN FREAKING MOTHER FREAKING YEARS to find the perfect! shower curtain. In red. But I must say... it looks FABULOUS with the red towels.

Currently both of my vehicles are champagne colored. No. they. are. not. TAN. I know so because on my vehicle registration? It says champagne. However, to EVERYONE in the universe EXCEPT THE DMV... my vehicles are TAN. McDonalds drive-thru? TAN. Oil change place? TAN. My landlord? TAN. (to be honest though, I dont think many people know how to SPELL champagne.) The weird thing about the whole design of this? I wouldnt purchase champagne colored vehicles if it were my choice. The car? It was a SUPER cheap sweet mother of deal and it was the best looking car on the lot. The van? Well, my parents sold it to me for a dollar two years ago. A DOLLAR?! Hell the freak yeah! (My parents actually gave it to us cause they got a new car but I insisted on paying them. Mom said a dollar. I said "That's right. This bitch KNOWS how to stretch a dollar!") I didnt care if the van had been bright pink with green polka dots. IT WAS A DOLLAR! (Okay, maybe if it HAD been bright pink with green polka dots, I would have said no thanks.)

What's your favorite color?

Sometimes I forget why I am there.

2007-02-26T23:46:00.000-06:00

I have been at my current job just over a year now and the honeymoon phase?... IS GONE. I absolutely love my job. I love what I do. I could just do without half the people. Sometimes I feel like I went to school and spent a shitton of money and time for nothing.

I hate that they treat me like some young kid that doesnt know what they are doing. Is it cause I AM doing what I am suppose to?

Growing up I always and forever had a problem with feeling like I was being treated like a kid. I wont lie, I didnt have it easy as a kid and grew up quite young. I was forced at times to be in situations were I HAD to be older than my age.

I have no ill feelings towards this fact. But when I am treated like a child... boy it irritates the hell out of me. More than anything I hate being talked OVER. And just because I am only 26, doesnt mean I havent been through more than a 40 year old.

Cause trust me, I have lived the life of an 80 year old.

It. was. time.

2007-02-25T16:51:00.000-06:00

I finally took Bubba to get her hair cut. And while yes, she has had her haircut by her Mommy, I took her to get it done professionally. And if starshine lived closer, I would have asked her to do it. Cause she said once "I just refuse to pay the $$$ for someone else to go "snip snip... Thank you, that'll be $20!"

And isnt THAT the truth! However it was snip, snip... thank you that'll be $15, I still felt a little jipped.

Cause my poor little Bubba looked like THIS the entire time.
Like a constipated, wet dog who couldnt BELIEVE this was happening to them.

She REFUSED to look at me as I took pictures.
And I felt guilty taking them.
She looked like she was in sooo much pain.

But she did beautifully and didnt put up a fight.
Like I thought she would.

We were probably only in the salon for about 15 minutes and when she was done, and got a sucker!!... Oh man, was it ever worth it! Sucker! Haircut! Bubba PRITYY! Afterwards I also took her to the store and let her pick out anything she wanted. Which you can do when you go to the Dollar Tree.

At first I wasnt feeling too pleased with her haircut cause I didnt feel like he had taken enough off. But when I was uploading pictures I found one from last week... and theres a big difference!

Before........After.

She was just soooo excited about her haircut.

And as she told her Daddy all about it...
You never would have guessed she hated being at the salon.

If it LOOKS organized... Is it?

2007-02-24T22:51:00.000-06:00

While I love organization, there are times when I am far from organized. To combat this terrible confession... I have mastered organizing my messes. I have a series of bins in my office that I can put my mail and "other junk" in.

Top Bin: Incoming Mail and Junk.
Second Bin: Looked-at-Mail and I-May-Need-this-Junk.
Third Bin: Needs-to-be-Filed-Mail and I-Cant-Throw-Away-Junk.
Fourth Bin: I-Dont-Have-a-Clue-What-to-Do-with-it-Mail and If-its-Here-I-Cant-see-It-Junk.

Once my bins are uncontrollable... I force myself to go through them all. This morning was one of these times. So I told the husband that he needed to sit down with me while Bubba was taking a nap, so we could figure everything out. Might as well get all the bills ready and/or paid. Make a shopping list. Call people. All the fun stuff. Get everything ready so I could call anyone I needed to on Monday. Go to the post office. WHATEVER.

As I was sifting through everything today I was AMAZED at the amount of forms I had to fill out. New patient forms for the dentist. Forms for work. Forms for Badgercare. Forms for the bank. Forms. Forms. FORMS! Remember when there was a time that filling out forms was fun? ...Or maybe I am the only freak here? I used to just love it!

Today? I must have used 6 DIFFERENT pens a form because they kept running out. Oh, that is such a pet peeve of mine. Then I kept putting everything in the wrong place. You know when they put the lines on a form all funny and you actually put the information needed UNDER the line? Yeah, well you can pretty much pull that off until you get to the bottom of the form.

BARNICLES! My hand even cramped a couple of times. How pathetic is THAT!? I am just so used to using a computer for everything... I think I am starting to FORGET how to actually write. And I am still trying to figure out when my writing turned to ALL CAPS. Weird huh? Everything I write is ALL CAPS. WTF. I am sure there is some crazy psychological test out there that says I am a little neurotic and completely insane if I write in all caps.

But we knew that already... didnt we?

So now I have all my forms done. Enveloped. Addressed. And ready to go! I filed a ton of stuff and got my bills for next month all ready to go out. Called the electric company and gave them an arm. I wont give my first born anymore... I have a small list of people to call on Monday and have to stop by the post office. Cause... uhm... small confession... I STILL havent mailed off my Mother-in-Laws christmas presents. Am I awful or what?! I think I am going to put a little Easter lovin' in the box and call it early.

My bins are all set to be filled again. But when its all cleaned out I can see the junk in bin 3 and 4. Batteries, duck tape, a deck of cards?, a couple recipes and a vacuum cleaner belt. Brother...

A little maintenance.

2007-02-22T18:35:00.000-06:00

While I would love to throw my template out and start over... I cant do it cause... I just cant let go. You may not like my template but I am attached to it somehow. So I am trying to make some modifications here and there. If you happen to see anything that looks out of place or really strange. I meant it that way.

No, seriously... please let me know if something looks wrong. Or stupid. Cause I am a lover of "The Feedback."

And speaking of feedback... I just want to know if anyone has ever notice that I put up a little "rudeness of the day?" Have you seen it over at the side? It's my little rant box. Cause while I would love to go on and on about my freaking co-workers or how my husband drives me insane... I try to make my posts upbeat. And leave the venting for my little "rudeness of the day" box. Cause a box has a lid. And I can close that lid. And the rudeness, for the most part, stays in there. I have been trying to figure out how to archive my rudenesses... maybe it is better I dont. Cause who would want to read through a whole BUNCH of bitching?

Wait! Isnt that why, we as women, are in love with blogging?

Anyways... I also finally put up a picture of myself. I was reluctant to in the beginning and I am still a little weirded out that I did it... it is a step for me. However if I was really trying to hide or something? I probably shouldn't have BROAD CASTED to the world that I am a girl named Ryan. Cause there isnt many of us. Have you ever met one... a girl named Ryan?

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-02-19T22:17:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned before that I am a dog lover. The hubbie? Dirty cat lover all. the. way. We have to disagree on some things right? In that same previous mentioning I talked about how hard it was for me to make the decision to give my boys a better life than cramped quarters and an infant that we fussed over more than them. So my boys... Noah and Connor... are now on a big, huge farm. Free to run. Play. Dig. Roll in... ew... whatever, and they. love. it. there. and THAT is what makes me so happy.

Noah is the one underneath Connor. If you can see them... lol... I actually got the couch after I had both of them and then realized... they all match! Noah is a mutt but mostly Great Pyrenees while Connor is a full bred Standard Poodle.

While on spring break my first year in college... let me rephrase... technically my second year/attempt at college but my first year when I actually went to school... I decided to get a dog. Growing up we always had animals, and being an animal lover and adult, I figured it was time to get my very own puppy. However, not having done this before... I figured the best place to start? Petsmart.

When I got to Petsmart they told me to go to the local Humane Society for the dogs but if I wanted a kitten?, they had plenty that needed homes. Uhmmm... didnt I just tell you I wanted a DOG. Oh, okay, can I see that cute tabby?

So as I was filling out the adoption papers for the tabby, Nikon, I asked directions to the Humane Society...

Nikon could open the cabinet and get in.
Then close the cabinet.
And gave me a HEART ATTACK EVERY SINGLE TIME I opened the door.

When I got to the Humane Society it took me all of 6.7 seconds to fall in love with Noah. There were 6 puppies in the litter... 5 girls and 1 boy. All the girls were asleep IN the dog igloo and Noah was ON of it just begging me to take him home.

So I fill out the paperwork and was ready to take my little Noah home. As I was getting little scared Noah in the car with totally freaked out Nikon... I realize that I had done this entire process wrong. I mean other than getting a cat ALSO... I hadnt gotten ANY food, litter, toys, treats, collars, brushes... NOTHING. Smart. one. Ryan. (Thank goodness I figured out the whole planning thing by the time Bubba arrived in my life!)

So now I have to head back to Petsmart.

RRRR. RRRR. OMG... my truck? wont? start? OK. RRRRRrrrrr....... flatline. You have GOT to be shitting me. Okay. Dont freak out your already totally freaked out, new animals anymore than they currently are. Okay.

Call a friend. And explain that not only has my truck died and you need to pick me up? I have TWO animals with me. Thank you, please be here in like... NOW. Oh, and we are going to Petsmart too... I dont see you yet?... Where are you?!

My friend saved the day and I got Nikon and Noah home just fine. And with everything I thought my little fuzz balls would need. And more.

The next day I called my hero friend again, to take me to my truck. The piece of crap. So I get to the Humane Society and realize something really strange. Where is my truck? Yep, you got it. Someone. stole. it. My heap-o-junk. All that "they" left of my truck were the papers from the glove box, thrown all over the parking lot. Nice.

When I was filling out Noah's adoption papers
they told me he would be about 60lbs full grown.
At 110lbs, I realized they lied to me.

When I brought Noah home, he and I spent every moment together and with my light school load, we were always together. He went with me everywhere. When my Fall semster started and I became Student Government President and I started working in the Student Activities office... our time was greatly reduced. And he got seperation anxiety. Bad. Very bad.

I would come home to the garabge can and ALL OF ITS CONTENTS in my bed. The litter box ALL OVER THE COUCH. My living room area rug shredded into. little. pieces. all over the house. Then I tried crating him... and all THAT did was drain my bank account. No matter how big and metal and expensive the cage was? He would get out.

When I came home and he had broken out of the cage. Out of the room via a huge HOLE IN THE DOOR and shredded EVERY BLIND on EVERY window... I knew I had to get help. I talked with a vet and he signed me up with a Dog Psychiatrist. Yes, you heard me. A Psychiatrist.

That worked for awhile and then he prescribed Noah a medicine called Clomacom. After a couple months that stopped working. Last resort? Well, Ryan why dont you try getting another dog.

WHAT?! So I can have TWO dogs destroying my house? Sure, absolutely. I will do anything. And thats why I got Connor. He was a surprise happening... I had no idea visiting a friend that I would be bringing home a dog. But it worked out. And Noah IMMEDIATLY calmed down. Sweet.

I miss having animals so much and I hope that sometime this year we can get a puppy. I think it is "time" and Bubba would LOOOOVE a DOGGEEE?! so much.

What kind of animal lover are you? Cat? Dog? Rabbit?

Playdoh Party at dinner time.

2007-02-17T23:20:00.000-06:00

When Mr. Bubba started his gig as a Stay at Home Dad, I left him with an extremely wonderful assignment. Get Bubba to eat solids so we can wean her off of breastfeeding. Easy right? I'm such a fabulous wife.

Yeah, I wasnt falling for it either. It was the biggest concern we had when I went back to work but after Bubba starved for 2 weeks because she has my stubborn trait... she finally gave in... and took to solids quite well actually.

For several months he would feed her solids and when I was home I would breastfeed. Then we slowly started the weaning process further until she was completely eating solids. (I hated that day. I think it was harder for ME to wean off of breastfeeding Bubba than Bubba.)

I noticed that Mr. Bubbas trick was to distract! Bubba from thinking she was eating to just playing with cool shit as Daddy shoves food down her throat. For a couple of weeks we let her play with a 40 foot measuring tape. OMG she thought that was the coolest thing EVER. Then there was the bread ties. Milk rings. What is she a CAT or something? A handful of q-tips. Odds and ends from all over the house. Toys. Markers and pens. Anything and everything that would make her play. I mean distract her. I mean eat!

So obviously this became the norm. And you just. dont. mess. with the norm. So... to this day Bubba has to be eating while playing when in her highchair. The latest round of cool shit to distract! with is playdoh. And we are seriously loving the playdoh right now.

For the last couple days Mr. Bubba had the playdoh all dolled up like a snowman. Then I got the brilliant idea to make a squirrel. WTF. A squirrel Ryan? Why not something like a snowman that resembles 3 CIRCLES. No, I choose a squirrel.

Well, he didnt turn out too bad and Mr. Bubba made a little doggy to go with. And a little doggy bed. With a little doggy pillow. How f'ing cute is that?

I present to you Mr. Squirrel.
And little doggy.
With a little doggy bed.
Little doggy pillow included FREE!

I think she likes the little doggy best.
She was shhhh-ing him to sleep.
In his little doggy bed.
With his little doggy pillow.
Mr. Bubba should make a little doggy blanket too.

Yeah DOGGY!
Yeah SQUIRREL!

In the middle of playing, she looks at me...
Grabs squirrels little nipple...
And says SQUIRREL? Momma BOOBIES!?

I just couldnt live without you Bubba.

Crack Addicted.

2007-02-16T22:20:00.000-06:00

One evening I called my Mom... probably to ask if I could substitute regular milk for evaporated milk in a brownie recipe... but really it didnt matter cause I never got to ask my question. In fact I forgot my question when my Mom answered the phone.

WHAT?! Are you okay?

Uhm... yes I'm fine. Are YOU?

Yes, Ryan. What do you need? Is Bubba okay?!

Yeah Mom, everyones fine... Am I interrupting something?

Yes! Your Dad and I are watching 24 and if you dont need anything and everything is okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

24? What in the LIVING HELL IS 24?! Whatever the F it is... my mother has been taken over and turned into a MONSTER. I'll talk to you tomorrow? OMG. She hates me. Well, tomorrow came and she explained to me what this 24 was. A cult following apparently.

For the last two years I have seen my parents transform into 24 fanatics. They own every single ANYTHING 24 related. And it is so hard for me to grasp the concept of being absolutely totally in love with a. TV. show. Hello people. A TV show. Pleeease.

I have never understood this. It doesnt make sense! I remember when 90210 first aired in 1990... OH MY GOD. Everyone I knew was addicted to this show. I could barely hold full and meaning conversations with friends because I didnt know what was going on, in 90210.

Now I wont lie... I was really loving the X Files when it first came out but after a couple episodes I lost interest. Because I couldnt dedicate myself to the show. If I cant watch every single one IN ORDER, whats the point? Then ER came out and I probably made it almost an entire season watching faithfully. And then one day I walked away. And I never looked back. I enjoy a rerun or a current episode but I never know what is going on anymore. Cause I cant be faithful to it.

I mean, damn... I have a toddler now. I HAVE seen every single SpongeBob, Jimmy Neutron and My Life as a Teenage Robot episode... six or a thousand times... but to get into anything "on" right now? It would never work. I wouldnt mind figuring out the hype on Grey's Anatomy. It seems to be verrrry popular. Cause isnt McDreamy.... dreamy....

So in December I get a call from my Mom who is talking in an extremely! fast! excited! voice! trying to explain to me the DEAL OF THE DECADE. The first 5 seasons of 24 are on sale at Best Buy and I called your Dad to make sure and I went there as fast as I could and I saved like 300 dollars and I got all. 5. seasons. of. 24. RYAN! Isn't that great?!

Heavens.

And whatever.

And get a life.

So not only can I never-ever-or-I'll-disown-you-happen to call my parents on a Monday night... I cant call them NEVER EVER cause they are ALWAYS watching/rewatching their precious seasons of 24. Curses to you 24!

Then it happened. My husband was talking with my Dad about... you'll never guess... 24, and he says Yeah, I'll watch Season 1 if you'll loan it to me. So my husband, the only one on MY SIDE of this 24 nonsense brought that FILTH into my home. And watched it.

And then he started to talk about it. And then we were watching the "last couple minutes" as I walked in the door from work. And then I got curious. Then we were watching it during dinner. And instead of doing laundry. And instead of taking out the trash.

And then instead of eating anything that resembled a meal? If I could throw it into the oven QUICK! and take it out QUICK!, I could watch from the kitchen. And who needs more than 5 hours of sleep a night?And isn't Jack EVER going to kill Nina? And shhh Bubba just a couple more minutes.

And then my Mom called me the other day...

Mom?

Yeah?!

Are you okay? Is Dad okay?

Yea...

Okay. I'll call you in 8 minutes when 24 is over. Bye.

HOLY. SHIT. And ladies and gentlemen... there is NO turning back. We are crack addicted to 24. The show that I hated. The show that I thought was soooo stupid. Every episode is a hour? That's retarded, what if the main character has to take a crap? We watch him crap? The show that I despised because who really puts their health and well being BEHIND a TV series.

Well, apparently its me.

Heres some "funnies" I found about Jack Bauer... I have 130 of them... I saved your time and put my favs... Hope I have some 24 lovers out there.

Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

When Jack Bauer used Herbal Essences, the shampoo had an orgasm.

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-02-13T22:35:00.000-06:00

I was born in the Great Land of Cheese... I now live in the Great Land of arctic-blasts-that-last-for-weeks-on-end Cheese. And while you could safely assume from a sentence like that I was born here and have been here ever since... that is SOOOO not the case. My little life thus far has been FILLED with moving.

In fact, let me throw some statistics at you and give a little explanation of each:

I have lived in 6 states:
Wisconsin, Texas, South Carolina, Georgia, Michigan and Alabama.
Being an army brat defiantly meant moving quite a bit. And it never meant moving across town, it seemed like every move we made... took us to the OTHER side of the country. Twice I ended up BACK in Texas. My stint in Michigan was short lived. It was my first semester of college right out of high school when I thought I wanted to be a cop. I failed out because I thought beating my best time in Minesweeper was more important than class. It was worth it cause afterwards... I realized that being a cop? NOT for me.

I have moved 20 times since birth:
17 of them after the age of 5.
My first number was 23. Damn. Then I had to think about what I consider a "move." If I took ALL of my belongings from one location to the next... it was a move. That would remove the 4 months I lived with a friend in high school, the couple months I lived with Mr. Bubba before he moved in with me and the time that I couldnt stand my roommates anymore and moved in with a friend for a couple months.

I have visited 44 states:
I havent been to Alaska, Hawaii, California, Maine, Oregon or Florida.
The year after I failed out of college the first time and as I was a recovering Minesweeper addict, I worked for Hardee's traveling around the country opening new stores when Carl's Jr bought them out. It was a pretty sweet job and I got to see a lot of the country. And a lot of fry vats, dirty bathrooms and airports too. Don't miss that part!

Then after that I worked for a company traveling the country doing multimedia presentations in public schools. Damn, more dirty bathrooms in that job too. AND bratty kids. But between those 2 jobs and all the traveling on top of my Dad being in the Army... I have gotten to see a lot of the US.

From Pre-K to 12th grade I went to 14 schools total:
Only 1 school I went 2 consecutive years.
This is a hard one for me. When I would make friends, it seemed as soon as I got to really know them, I was saying goodbye. I was always so jealous of people that have had friends FOREVER. We've known each other since kindergarten! I think that is such a beautiful concept!! There are only a couple of people that I occasionally keep in contact with since high school. And I am talking a birthday email or a card here and there. Nothing as neat as swapping stories from my childhood we shared.

So, to summarize the places I have been...
Favoritest place ever... EVER: Seattle, Washington

Cleanest place: Annapolis, Maryland
I dont think I saw any trash, ANYWHERE.

Funnest place: Casper, Wyoming

Most memorable: Austin, Texas

Best BBQ: Tie Cyclone, Texas & St Louis, Missouri

Ok. I swear. After THIS... no more flashcards.

2007-02-12T23:57:00.000-06:00

Because I have turned this week into Flashcard Week I thought I would share one. more. thing. This is what will run in the Valentine's issue of the newspaper I work for. For my little Bubba from her Daddy and I.

I was trying to make it look like a flashcard. I figured I will print it out bigger and laminate it for her for Valentines Day.

Today was Flashcard Day.

2007-02-10T23:57:00.000-06:00

Well, I feel like all I talk about lately are Bubba and her flashcards. But they are defiantly a HUGE part of our lives right now. So... where in the HELL did these things come from?!

This Christmas when we went to see my grandparents from my biological Dad side of the family... oh, that sounds like I'll need a post to explain... and since we usually only see them once a year, they loaded Bubba up with presents that were all learning/phonics/electronic/battery based. That included these said flashcards. They look like this and are from here. My grandmother sells Avon and I believe that Avon carried these through Christmas.

(And when I said she sells Avon... I meant to say she is an Avon Goddess. She was BORN selling Avon. Everything she owns is from Avon. All my (other) family wears it. And loves it. Since I was born, every birthday, holiday, milestone, anything celebratory in nature meant something Avon was coming my way.)

At first Bubba didnt really know what to do with the flashcards. We quickly hid away the little talking device the flashcards slipped into cause she doesnt like ANYTHING that talks/sings/jumps/does somersaults... although she is coming around about some things. Like that annoying ass repetitive! beeping! blinking! Mickey Mouse thing.

Today Bubba thought it would be fabulous to MAKE things with her flashcards. I always need things to add to my resume... why not.

And oh yes, when I took these photos, I was standing as tall as I could on the couch.
The danger I put myself in for my child...
Squirrel anyone?

Plankton from SpongeBob...

Later the hubbie made SpongeBob as well,
but my camera batteries died before I could get his portrait taken.

When my sister came home from college in December,
her boyfriend came along and brought his dog, Cali.
Bubba LOVED that there was a dog at our house for a month...
and everyday since my sister, the boyfriend and Cali left,
Bubba has asked and begged and asked again and again, where Cali is?
And here she is.

If ones "true colors" shine through... whats the color of OCD?

2007-02-09T23:23:00.000-06:00

Sterile white? Strategically placed purple polka dots on a smooth glossy black? Diagonal lines exACTLY 11.876cm from one another? Whatever color it is... it better be clean! neat! organized! and wash behind its ears every. single. day.

Sometimes I feel like I have a problem with OCD. And I am not just throwing that out there to say, hey look at me, I understand that some people REALLY REALLY have problems with this... and I think that I may be developing some tendencies. I mean they have always been there... they are just getting worse.

I dont know how to explain them and I dont want to sound like a freak. Not that people with OCD are freaks... oh brother, I also have a problem trying to describe my problems. I just feel like my thoughts and actions sometimes get the better of me. Let me explain...

I have routines that I follow everyday. I cant get them out of order. They way I shower, the way I get dressed. I know it sounds petty... but if its not in a certain order... everything feels wrong. When I go out to eat... I dont let my silverware/plasticware touch the table. If it does? I have to get a new one. And under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you EVER see me touch a salt and pepper shaker or ANY condiment at a restaurant that others touch. Damn those things are gross.

Anyways... the point I am trying to get at is... I think that my obsessiveness is passing to my daughter. My precious TWO YEAR OLD. I dont know if this is can necessarily be "passed on." I see things that frustrate her and I am sad that she is picking things up from me that she thinks is normal. And I dont want her to have the problems that I have.

I see her play with her toys and while she is always adorable... heaven forbid something doesnt go the way she wants it to. She will spend an amazing amount of time lining up her toys. She will put them in a puuurfect line and smile and giggle with delight at what she has done. And it doesnt matter what toy... her cars, fruits/vegetables, care bears, a snack of crackers or marshmallows... anything. If she accidentally knocks one out of order. OMG. She will scream and cry and yell "CANT DO IT" until said toy is back in place.

Her flashcards? She loves these things. She carries them all over the house. One day I thought it would be cool to lay them all over the floor. She wanted them in a STRAIGHT line. Good thing our living room is 25 feet long! Once they were in line, her and I ran down the line and back. A hundred times, at least. The moment she stepped on one and it messed up her perfect line... she fell to the floor in tears and then proceeded to rip apart all 25 feet of them, screaming "CANT DO IT!"

Does she do things like this because I am constantly straightening things? Because everything has its place. And everything in my world is STRAIGHT! and ORGANIZED! and SYMMETRICAL!

Whenever I start my nightly cleaning routine Bubba is always right there to help me. "KEEN UP! KEEN UP!" And we will pick up toys. Each one has a specific place. Throw away any trash from the day. "PUUUT IN TRASH!" Start laundry. "LAWNDEE? DO LAWNDEE?" Do dishes. "WASH DISHEES!" And then vacuum. "VAC-UUM!" (That actually sounds like F YOU! when she says it.) She will be there with me every step of the way.

If there is something on the floor she will ask me for a "WIPE! BABY! WIPE" and when I give her one... will go at whatever until she is satisfied. Then she will proceed with that wipe onto other surfaces of the house. Scrubbing away. If she spills something on the couch? WIPE! And she will clean it up and then take that wipe and "PUUUT IN TRASH!"

Now I am by no means saying that she is always like this. She makes plenty of messes she doesnt worry about. Go ahead. Make a mess. Most of the time that doesnt bother me. She is two! And they're plenty of times I let the dishes gather in the sink or laundry pile up in the corner.

I just hate to see my little Bubba get so upset at the little things. CANT DO IT! CANT DO IT! And then work herself into a tizzy that I can barely calm her down from. She doesnt need that!

When I was 6 years old I thought I was going to die. And these thoughts kept me awake at night to the point that my parents taped... T A P E D... a stethoscope to my chest so I could hear that my heart was not going to stop. I can remember the fear that gripped and paralyzed me. I could not believe anything my parents would tell me. I thought I was going to die. Die in my sleep. Cause my heart stopped. And if I had just been awake it wouldnt stop.

I know this is a small part of OCD that started in my life waaay back then. And I am worried that my little girl will be griped with similar problems and fears. And that scares me. She is too sweet and too young to have that happen. No one needs that.

Sometimes the flood gates just bust open.

2007-02-08T17:07:00.000-06:00

Being as though it is Thursday and I havent posted since Monday, I am sure you guys noticed that Tidbits of Me, Tuesday did not happen this week. A lot has not happened over the last couple days. There are moments in my life when I realize I have to step away from something in order to keep it.

For me, in the last couple of days, it was blogging. I just needed to step away for awhile. When I started blogging last year, I added blogging to an already long, over-stressed list of daily activities. But my love for blogging has made me learn to manage my time better to fit in my addiction to Blogland. Damn you Blogland. This said addiction... is the very reason I have never dabbled with drugs. I am easily addicted to anything. And of course I mean that like, I am easily addicted to wanting to play darts all the time, ice cream with chocolate syrup and watching 24.

I am not here to bash my husband and I am not here to say I am done with blogging. While I wanted to post something Tuesday full of hate and rage towards my husband and then hit the delete this blog button... I walked away.

I love to blog. (Oh, and I love my husband.) Sometimes he and I have a hard time communicating exactly what we want and the importance that something has to us. Tuesday night I wanted a couple of hours to blog. He wanted to finish his homework. That pissed me off. Which pissed him off. Which pissed me off even more... you know where that went. Nowhere. Down the drain. While I know that I probably sound like a bitch for wanting to blog when my husband had homework thats not really the point here. (But his homework isnt due until Sunday.) I just had to throw that in there.

Blogging has been a great escape for me. A glimpse into other peoples lives that reminds me that I am not alone. This world can be such a cruel place to be but I am reminded of all the nice, cool people out there that still have hearts when I am in Blogland. You guys all ROCK! It's great to know that others go through the same problems. Or can help me through mine. There's nothing better for me than making someone laugh. Or even think. Who would have thunk that?

I appreciate each and every one of you that come to my site. Read through my ramblings and rantings. And of course I love you forever when you comment! Every comment makes me smile. Well, except for the weird porn link someone left me one day. Whoever you are, BASTARD!

Readers... nay... friends, thank you for giving me something to look forward to. For giving advice and making me smile. For always being there when I need you.

Oh, and todays post number 100. Cool, huh?!

Ever wonder...

2007-02-05T23:35:00.000-06:00

...if as you go about your daily business people are watching? And I dont just mean people people. I mean as you sit on your front porch having a casual conversation... NASA is teaching its latest group of wanna-be-astronauts how the satellites work. And how powerful they are.

INSTRUCTOR: Okay class, someone choose anywhere in. the. W O R L D.

STUDENT: How about Bumblefuck, WI?

INSTRUCTOR: Bumblefuck, WI it is.

As the instructor punches away buttons on a panel in front of him, thousands of miles away HUGE satellites are whipping themselves around to zero in on the coordinates for Bumblefuck.

And as the students watch in awe as these satellites come into position the instructor is droning on and on in the background... no one can hide from the power of these satellites... something begins to beep as Bumblefuck, WI comes into view on the monitors taking up an entire wall of monitors in the classroom... you will even be able to see traffic lights changing, sounds and everything is in real time... suddenly a roar of sounds come to life, horns honking, dogs barking... these satellites are used for research and for the highest security, even in 1993 the President called on NASA... the instructor begins to narrow in closer to a road, a house and you see two people sitting on a porch... Here class, you can see these two people sitting on their porch...

Suddenly their conversation is booming over all the classroom...

FEMALE: I have a booger so far up my nose and it has been driving me crazy all day.
MALE: Apparently you arent blowing hard enough.
FEMALE: Like I havent heard THAT before.
MALE: Man the roof of my mouth feels weird.
FEMALE: Really? Mine feels cool. Let me see?
MALE: Ahhhhhhh....
FEMALE: Female gets up... bbbbbbrrrrrrrrriiippppppp!!
MALE: RYAN! My mouth was open and everything!!

The instructor quickly disengages the connection to Bumblefuck, WI and begins to quickly talk his way AWAY from the conversation they were so fortunate enough to stumble upon during this learning activity.

As the class winds down and the end of the hour approaches, the instructor asks what everyone learned today?

STUDENT: That girls really do fart.

My brain is like a 24/7 diner.

2007-02-04T16:18:00.000-06:00

My mind is constantly on the go. Never stopping. Not even at a rest stop for a break. I can be doing 6 things at once like laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, giving Bubba a bath and writing a shopping list but I still feel I am not doing enough.

I can accomplish a To Do List that is long and complicated but while I am on hold with the cell phone company... to talk about that weird charge that showed up on my bill... I make another list. Time is against me. I know it. And I hate that I am this way.

A good nights sleep for me is 5 hours. I feel like I cant get more than that... cause that would be a waste of time. And I can get all the sleeping I need done when I am dead.

I dont understand why I do this to myself. I cant stop and look over what I have done and feel any accomplishment. I only see where I can do more and next time how I can be more efficient. I feel like I am going crazy!

I shouldnt be this way right?!

A date AND a life, all in a weekend.

2007-02-03T16:32:00.000-06:00

On Friday the hubbie and I actually went on a date! Yahoo! Can you believe it?! We were celebrating our 4 year anniversary and had an absolutely wonderful time! February 1st was our
We've been together for this long Anniversary just to clarify. We have only been married for 1½ years.

When I asked for Friday off at work my boss was like "I thought you just got married? How are you celebrating 4 years?"

"Well, we are celebrating how long we've been together. We started dating in 2003."

"Oh, you are one of THOSE."

Well, everyones a critic. Mr. Bubba and I like to celebrate being together. If we actually think of it on the 1st of a month, we will say its so-and-so months of being together day! YEAH! I think little things like that are important in a relationship.

We by no means are a perfect couple... trust me, we HAVE our moments. Plenty of them. But we like to celebrate.

So back to the date...
Mr. Bubba and I often like to get breakfast for dinner so we went to this little place close to home. (And when I say close to home, I can see it from my living room window.) The food was good but somewhat shocking. I ordered an Italian sausage omelet and uhm, when he brought it out I almost fell out of the booth. It was COVERED in tomato sauce. What. the. hell. I flipped through the menu just to make sure I got the right thing. Nothing about sauce. What the hell do I do?

I figured it couldnt be that awful and gave it a try. My grandpa used to put ketchup on his pancakes. After a couple bites Mr. Bubba noticed the sauce and was like, What in the HELL did you order?! Uhm, not sure. I wont order it again though.

After dinner we went to the bar and played pool and darts. We had a couple of drinks and called it an evening. We figured the night was still young though and when we got home we played some more darts. (We got a soft tipped electronic board a couple of weeks ago and have really enjoyed playing. We had to get Bubba a set of darts too, just like Momma and Daddy. We set the old bristle board we had against the wall and she plays too. Its cute.)

Tonight I had a friend from work come over to have dinner and play darts. She brought her 2 youngest and is currently pregnant with number 4. How is it she gets to have "that glow?" I never had it. It. was. just. sweat. for. me. Anyways it was nice to have someone over. They stayed for a couple of hours and her youngest is 18 months old. Bubba and him didnt get along too well... the darn kid kept playing with HER toys. Can you believe the gall?!

We are defiantly going to have to start working on this very thing with Bubba. I am worried that because she hasnt been in daycare she is going to have a hard time getting used to sharing. Cause right now? That word/thought/concept is NOT a part of her vocabulary!

So when everyone left and Mr. Bubba and I were picking up I commented that it was nice to have her over and it was like, OMG, we had a life. We had friends over! And we all had a good time! And he was like, "Yeah a date and a life, all in a weekend."

There's still Sunday... maybe we'll win the lottery.

Everytime you say "I lub you Momma" my whole body smiles.

2007-01-31T22:50:00.000-06:00

I never could have imagined what it would be like to be a Mother until I looked into your eyes. Until you looked at me and needed me... as much as I needed you. Your Daddy and I may have given you life but you gave us one when you were born. When you entered our lives and showed us what true love was. What it could be. Pure. Innocent. Honest. True.

When I look at you, I see my beautiful, little baby girl I gave birth to almost 2½ years ago. What is hard to grasp, is the fact that you arent 7lbs 10oz. anymore. You have grown into an independent, decision making, talkative little girl with a heart of gold and a smile that could light the darkest dark.

You love to learn. Laying out your flashcards in specific patterns with neat rows and columns like you used a ruler and level. You pick them out when I call them to you. Pointing to a card of a net and saying "I catch you" or to the clown and saying "Sil-leee Cown!!" If I ask you one you dont remember, you glance at me and for a moment silently plead with me to make sure you remember next time. You always want to know more.

You know all your shapes, even what a pentagon and an octagon are. You could almost name the 108 crayon colors in a Crayola box. You giggle so sweet when I draw a cat or a dog. And meow and bark. You love more than anything when Daddy and I draw you every. single. SpongeBob character. By the time you are 40 we may have Sandy down. Squirrels are hard enough... but in a spacesuit too?

Your love for all animals brings such joy to my heart. You are so caring towards all life and it is so amazing to see you talk to dogs like you can actually hear what they are saying. I know we will have to get you a dog soon. I bet you'd name your very own doggy Bubba. You know doggy was the first coherent word you ever spoke. It sounded kinda like an engine starting "duggieduggieduggie."
You can find anything to entertain you. That is, that we didnt buy directly for you. You spent HOURS in those crates... you would have slept in there if we had let you. The bag of straws? Once I realized that you LOVED them... I always had a dozen on hand. I probably still have some in the bottom of my purse, just in case.

At 11 months, to the DAY, you took your first steps. I know this because your grandparents wanted to make bets with us about when you would take those steps. I said 10½ to 11 months. Your Grandpa said "The day she turns 11 months." A couple of days after your first steps, we had to take your Grandparents out for margaritas cause they pinned it. To. the. day.

I was always amazed at how quickly you could get around the house. And into everything. You still do this but we have gotten pretty smart over the last 2½ years.

I think your Daddy helped you with the pads. Someday I will show your boyfriend this picture. It'll be at least 40 years from now. I use to cut those in half and use them as breast pads. I probably wont tell your boyfriend that.

Sometimes we would leave something a little too close to the edge of the counter... but in the one second it took for you to get it, get whatever it was, all over you and the next second for us to get the camera... we would let you enjoy your find.

However, that pink shirt you are wearing? You had just gotten from your Great Aunt no less than 30 minutes before. Stinker.

You played with that silver ribbon for months. I am surprised we dont have more pictures of you with it. You would tangle yourself up and look to us for a moment to call out for help but I swear you knew, that if we felt you couldnt handle it, we would have taken it away. You would untangle yourself and start all over again.

In the beginning when you came home, you were very colicky. I thought for sure I had done something wrong. You would cry for hours and hours on end. No matter the walking, the bouncing, the car rides or any of the other 6.3 million remedies, we could not console you.

One afternoon when you cried and cried your Daddy and I set you in your crib and let you cry. It was the first time we didnt hold you while you cried. As I sat in the living room and held that baby monitor in tears myself, I know we did the right thing. Your crying didnt last too long and soon you were fast asleep. When I went to check on you, you had snuck yourself under your bumper pad. Your Daddy and I almost laughed so hard we woke you up.

I hardly remember those colicky times now. They seem so far away. When we finally figured things out and the colic went away, you became the happiest baby on the planet. You've been that way ever since.

My dear sweet Bubba I hope you know that I love you more than anything. That when I look in your crib every morning I can barely get myself to walk away to go to work. I could stare at you for hours. That when you say my name and tell me that you lub me I just melt.

I love you Bubba.

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.

2007-01-30T00:16:00.000-06:00

As my husband and I approach the 4 year mark in our relationship, I thought it appropriate to write about our rings. Not just our wedding rings but also our promise rings. And really, what girl doesnt love to talk about jewelry!!

Mr. Bubba and I had been together for about a year when we got pregnant with Bubba. We had already decided before that to get married, once we found out about Bubba, we wanted to wait to get married until she was born. We wanted to make sure that we really wanted to be married for us, not just Bubba.

As a Christmas present to each other (we found out we were pregnant December 12th, 2003) we decided to get promise rings... they were really engagement rings. We went to James Avery and picked out these.

I particularly liked this one because it was a HEAVY Lovers Knot. And thats what we were! Heavy in love. (Need a barf bag yet?) I know that many will roll their eyes when I say this... but... I have never really been a diamond kind of gal. Yeah, I know... bullshit right? No, really. My birthstone may be the diamond but I have never been one for the good ole' sparkle and shine rock. I am just too rough on my hands and busy with life to be nice to a diamond. It took a long time to get Mr. Bubba to actually believe me. He kept saying, "You can get a diamond if you want." I guess I made it hard for him to believe me because one of my favorite teases was "You know I am an April baby... I ONLY wear diamonds. Hope you know what you are getting into."

When it was time to get our wedding bands almost two years later we chose to stay with James Avery. Speaking of James Avery, have you heard of it? I was shocked to realize many people here in Wisconsin had never heard of the company. Of course, then I realized that they are based in the south. And being as though I have spent most of my life in the southern part of the country... I just figured everyone knew!! Shame on me! If you havent heard of them, take a look! I just love their jewelry and would definitely recommend them to anyone.

I will admit that some of their stuff is gaudy and some is... well... just plain freaking RIDICULOUS! I mean, COME ON... $75 freaking dollars for a PONYTAIL holder??! Although it does look pretty. I couldnt image wearing it though. I would end up having to shave my head to get it out of my hair. I dont need any 6th grade disasters again.

The wedding bands my husband and I chose were called Song of Solomon rings. The inscription is Hebrew and we fell in love with the saying. My ring would say "My beloved is mine, and I am his" and of course his would say "My beloved is mine, and I am hers." We then themed our wedding, I am my Beloveds, and my Beloved is mine.

We wrote our vows, I made the invitations and we were on our way! As I was looking through my "EVERYTHING WEDDING" folder on my hard drive as I was thinking what to write about today, I found the vows... and thought I would share them. I tell you... it isnt an easy thing to do!

In the presence of God, our family and friends,
I, ____ take you ____, to be my husband/wife,
my co-pilot in life, my one true love,
my best friend, my constant.
I give myself to you,
and promise to encourage and inspire you,
to laugh and cry with you, to speak and listen to you,
for all of eternity.

So now I have a favor to ask! Share with me a picture or link of your ring and tell the story of it with me. You dont necessarily have to be married! Have a favorite ring or one you would love to have? I wanna see it! Cause I might not wear diamonds... but I never said I didnt like to LOOK at them!!