What follows is the kind of high-class material Mandacakes and I come up with (while SOBER, mind you) when we turn anger into uncontrollable laughter. (a.k.a. sick humor)


Things NOT to say while answering the phone:

Do you think it'll fit? . . . Hello?

Ew, I have a hair in my mouth . . . Hello?

Do you charge by the hour? . . . Hello?

Hey, pass me a towel . . . Hello?

THAT'S coming out of the deposit . . . Hello?

I hate it when the dogs watch . . . Hello?

Wow, you must shave! . . . Hello?

Is tipping appropriate? . . . Hello?

Will you make me a sandwich while you're up? . . . Hello?

Honey, I'm allergic to latex . . . Hello?

Wow, you hit the wall! . . . Hello?

Next time, let's tighten the headboard . . . Hello?

I think I chipped a tooth! . . . Hello?

Shit, we forgot to close the curtains . . . Hello?

I know the safety word is "cellphone" but there's actually a call . . . Hello?

I'll have to wear a turtleneck tomorrow . . . Hello?

Man, I think we'll BOTH have to shower now . . . Hello?

I think we'll need to make another beer run . . . Hello?

Would you get OFF me? . . . Hello?

I can't find the lighter . . . Hello?

We used the WHOLE box? . . . Hello?

Do think the candle wax will come out? . . . Hello?

You guys be gentlemen and make up the bed . . . Hello?

Have you seen my bra? . . . Hello?

Which way is up? . . . Hello?

You never took your socks off? . . . Hello?

That's the OUT hole! . . . Hello?

I can't get the phone to my ear with these cuffs on . . . Hello?

Shhh, this could be my Mom . . . Hello?

You left the lens cover ON? . . . Hello?

Now I gotta find my pants . . . Hello?

Next time, brush your teeth . . . Hello?

My jaws will NEVER be the same . . . Hello?

I haven't had rug burns on my knees since high school . . . Hello?

Tastes like chicken! . . . Hello?

I should've stretched first . . . Hello?

Third time's a charm . . . Hello?

Warn me next time, I gag . . . Hello?

Put the mattress BACK on the bed . . . Hello?

Look Ma, no hands! . . . Hello?

I didn't know they could pierce that . . . Hello?

Just flush it . . . Hello?

Shit, I rolled into the wet spot . . . Hello?

I'm SOOO blogging this . . . Hello?