to my blog.
I am a girl named Ryan.
Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.
If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.
and about rudeness.
and rudeness
of the week.
fastlane rudeness.
You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.
and rudeness.
and old rudeness.
and find rudeness.

My house fought back...
Well, so that damn redhead has decided not to mow the lawn. Fine. Let it grow. It's not like I have come to expect it to be cut once a week. Trimmed. Weeded. Manicured. Not at all.

To show that redhead I don't care... When she goes into the basement at 5:45 in the morning to get clothes out of the dryer. I'll just burn all the lightbulbs out.

Yeah, that's it. I'll show her.
Posted by and rudeness at 9:10 AM
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I had to take myself "out back."
I work for a weekly newspaper in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Literally. Were talking one high school. One middle school. Wildlife walks down Main Street. And where running for the position of Register of Deeds is an all out dirty race like it was for the presidency of the United States. (You'd be amazed. And of course in a small community everyone knows EVERYTHING about everyone.)

Back to topic... there are only 13 employees in my company. (9:4; women:men. Hell yeah.) I'm the newest member of the "group" coming in with 8 months of employment, to date. Not only that... I am 12 years younger than the youngest persons junior. (So basically, I am the youngest by a decade and then some.)

This doesn't bother me. I have always had "older friends." I have never looked my age. Unfortunately that was great when I was 12 and people thought I was 18. Now? Pfft... moving on.

I am usually the one starting things or being a little fiesty. I hope I bring a smile to all the old fogies at work. (Hi Bonnie!) But it's always in good fun and with there being only 13 of us... there is nothing professional about our "good fun." Who really has a clean mind?

So when the girls up front asked me what a "whisker biscuit" was... OMG... I lost it. Whisker Biscuit. Hehehe. I mean what the hell kind of phrase is that. Hahahaaa. Of course, the rest of the afternoon was in the trash.

And I couldn't control myself. I laughed harder than I have in what feels like years. My sides were hurting. My face was going to fall off. It got to the point I wasn't even going to try and hold it in. I mean COME ON... WHISKER BISCUIT!!!

As my laughing fit continued on and on the other girls were like, "Girl! Calm down" but all I could say was "It must have been awhile since I got out." So a couple times I took myself out back and tried to calm down. Nah. Didn't work.
Posted by and rudeness at 7:41 PM
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Sweatpants should be the "standard."
Women have enough problems to deal with and shopping is suppose to be our "release". I have found over the years that clothes shopping is now a chore. Something I could live without. Damn clothes.

How is it that a size 12 (the size has been changed to protect my innocent fat ass) can really be a tight size 10 or a long size 14. Nothing ever fits just so. A 12 at Kohl's can make me feel skinny but a 12 at the Gap. I'm a fat cow.

Usually the only jeans I love are men's at Old Navy. I mean what the hell! is up with the womans low-rise. I don't need to be worried about my crack hanging out, let alone my pubbies. I don't need pants that need constant attention. Constant pulling. Tugging.

And shopping for Bubba? Right now in her closet we have a range of 12 months - 3T's that fit her. What the hell? When relatives ask me what she wears, I take a deep breath, and ramble on for an hour about what size she wears depending on what store you go to. Come ON!

Yet the hubby... He can walk into a store, look at the tag and walk out with a great pair of pants without even trying them on! Grrrr...
Posted by and rudeness at 1:57 PM
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Under Construction.
I am trying a couple new things out, so watch your step. Who knows what will happen!

Depending on how things go... this may stick around. Or you may see the old back up. I love sunflowers... but I was getting overwhelmed with all the green.

Like anything in life, I can't have it the way it comes... so I'll be "playing" for a bit.

Have a great day!

**It has come to my attention that Firefox users aren't getting anything really pretty to look at. Bear with me as I learn CSS real quick.**
Posted by and rudeness at 3:33 PM
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For you, Mrs. Flinger!
Mrs. Thang here has given me Seattle brain. She's trying to move there. (Wish her luck and help pack a box. Or buy some of her stuff!)

I. LOVE. SEATTLE. So, I grabbed some photos from my last trip and threw together some Seattle lovin'.

Dedicated to Mrs. Flinger.

Posted by and rudeness at 9:07 PM
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Miracles DO happen!
My little Bubba let me cut her toenails.

Ladies and Gentlemen. I have never cut all her toenails in one sitting. I know it sounds awful. But until today the worst part about being a parent, was having to cut her toenails.

I couldn't stand it. She would scream! bloody murder while I tried. I never ever EVER made it past two toenails. Until today.

I got all 10 of those pretty little toes.


Posted by and rudeness at 4:07 PM
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Dear House,
So. Well. Holy Crap. There is something we need to discuss. This has gone on long enough and I can't stand it anymore! Is your goal to make me lose my mind?

Well, it's working. Everyday I wish your problem will have resolved itself. But no. And a little more of my mind vanishes. I have tried to help you out. I have gone out on a limb and fallen from the tree. Hard. And OooOW that hurt.

You flat up stink. STINK! You hear me? Nasty. Icky. Gross. I don't want to hurt your feelings but if this is how it is going to be...

I have spent more time in your basement in the last week trying to discover your "mystery nasty dead smell" than I have spent sleeping, eating or brushing my teeth. This has got to stop! Your purpose is to be here for me. For my family. And now they all think I am insane. And YOU are so on my shit list. At the top.

I go into your basement... sniff out your "grossness" and can only locate it the direct area surrounding the washer and dryer. Do you have any idea what I have been up to thanks to you?

1. Had to wiggle around the dryer vent hose (all freaking 20 feet of it) thinking you had put a dead something in it. Nope.

2. After being convinced you let something crawl up into my washer and die, I slowly took apart the back to look inside... Nothing.

3. Wriggled the washer and dryer all over the place thinking you let something die under it and it was stuck. And DAMN that is loud on a cement floor. But. Nada.

You see, I am losing my mind. All I can think about is that something crawled into your basement and died. Something died in the basement. NOW, I can't even go down there without Mr. Bubba. Thanks alot. I am suppose to be the strong one you know. Bitch.

4. Had the parents come over to "smell you out." And whatcha do? Stop smelling all together. Not a single whiff. So now I am lead to believe that not only did something come in here to die, something came and ate what died.

You see how insane you are making me!!

And not but 2 hours later I go into your basement again. Smacked in the face with icky dead smell. What the hell! You DO know we are trying to sell you. I neeeed to sell you. And you aren't being a team player. At all.

Thanks for nothing. I'm not cutting your lawn this week. Don't make me go two.

Very upset with your stink,
Posted by and rudeness at 7:35 PM
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Today is my husband and I's one year anniversary. Time goes so fast! As I sit here and type, drink my coffee and half listen to the news, I am grateful that I am not running around like a headless chicken... As I was last year at this time.

So if anyone wondered why I HEART seventeen... now you know, it's the day I married my soulmate. It's also Mr. Bubba's favorite number becasue it is like the most random uncommon common number to pop up in literature. Or something like that... So it was June 17 or Sept 17 last year and well June 17 was too close! LOL

Mr. Bubba and I met while working for Dell Computers in Texas back in late 2002 and were on the same sales team together. He and I were seperatly going through hard times in our lives and after a couple months, realized that we looked to each other for advice, to be cheered up, going to lunch, taking a break together, or saving seats for the other. As winter hit we would cuddle up next to each other outside. Before we knew it we had incorporated ourselves into each others lives completely.

And then one day it happened. He asked for a ride home from work and as usual I let him drive my car. (And I NEVER let anyone drive my baby!) When we got to his house I dropped him off and sat in that parking lot for a good 20 minutes. I wanted to kiss him. And today was the day.

Boy, did I ever feel like a 6th grader playing spin the bottle. I was a nervous wreck! But, I got out of the car, walked to his apartment, knocked on the door, and was prepared to ATTACK! However, his roomate answered and when Mr. Bubba came to the door and asked me "What's up?" with his roomie standing there I was like, "uhmmm nevermind... I uh, well... can you step outside?"

"Whatcha need? Why don't you come inside."
NO! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE NOW!! "Can you step outside for a sec?"

So here he is. and here I am. and all I want to do is RUN! But after a little chatter I did it. I just kissed him. That was January 28, 2003. It was the best decision I ever made.

Mr. Bubba and I have been traveling down a crazy road for the last 3 1/2 years but every second of it has been worth it. I wouldn't change a. single. thing.

To my husband and I's surprise my parents took Bubba for a couple hours and we got to go on a date. AMAZING! Not so much the date part but the fact that my parents took Bubba for a couple hours. Are you hearing me. My parents took Bubba. It's about time. They had a great time. And that's the way it should be. :)


Posted by and rudeness at 9:30 AM
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Inside Bubba's Thoughts.

Man, all I had to do was scream and I got it. Yeah I can really scream. So damn effective. I am going to use this method again. Cause I didn't know they made SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS popsicles. And I am going to want one every. single. day. from. here. on. out. This is one sweeet popsicle.


Posted by and rudeness at 7:37 PM
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Opposite Day is every. damn. day.
I have come to many realizations as the mother of a toddler... and I hope that I am not alone!

1. Vaccuming is a daily event. If not bi-daily.
2. M&Ms DO melt in your hands. on the floor. in the couch. on clothes. in hair.
3. A 30 lb. child can have a 50 lb. diaper.
4. Toilet paper can amuse one for hours. and hours. and hours.
5. Permanent marker on the leather sofa is an accent.
6. Baby wipes can be used for everything.
7. Legos aren't meant to go in a box. or a bin. or any type of container.
8. Crayons are for eating.
9. Five hours of sleep at night is "heaven."
10. French fries belong all over the car.
11. Laundry is never "done."
12. Nicktoons is the only channel on cable.
13. There are 3,452,678.45 ways for your child to ALMOST kill themselves.
14. Each one produces a heart attack.
15. You get everything you want. If not, throw a tantrum in the middle of Target.
16. The stick of the sucker is NOT the part that you hold.
17. If it would make your child stop crying, you would let your child rip a $100 in half.

Not that I am being negative. I mean really. I'm not. Really. I just keep thinking everyday was opposite day. Until I realized it wasn't a cruel trick that was going to end. Two years have gone by. No, it's life.
Posted by and rudeness at 8:56 PM
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What the Keyboard?
My daughter has this lovely little fascination with my husband and I's computers. From the beginning this is how the destruction has laid out:

MY computer will be wrote, drawn and poked at. (As in, working on a brochure for a client and POKE lets reboot the computer mid design, not to mention I have enough permanent marker on my tower, I should take a picture and upload it as a skin for something.)
HIS computer will have all its accessories destroyed. (We have replaced THREE FREAKING KEYBOARDS IN 6 MONTHS, mouses and game controllers.)

I have enough extra, spares and broken computer items to refit a college campus, NINE times over.

Bubba is amazing. We have made EVERY attempt possible to keep her from the office and the computers. The only thing left is hanging them from the ceiling and roping ourselves up like Tim Cruise to get online.

This evening I came into the office because I continued to here a high pitched squeal... that for once wasn't Bubba. Sure enough... my CAPS key is STUCK! down and let me tell yeah... I even popped that sucker off AND IT STILL WAS SQUEALING!

So, now I am in need of a new DAMN keyboard. Thank gawwd I have a spare. But it's still halfbroken. And does anyone know an effective way to get permanent marker off a flat panel monitor?
Posted by and rudeness at 7:30 PM
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We all need motivation.

I was off in blogland this morning and stumbled across some motivational posters. The funny motivational kind.

Hope you enjoy them as much as my husband and I did.
Posted by and rudeness at 11:58 AM
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Maybe I smell bad?
When I told my husband at 8 months pregnant that I wanted to move to Wisconsin NOW! he happily agreed. (Well maybe not "happily" but he knew I needed my "momma" and with no family in Texas close by, it was the perfect plan.) I told him stories about my family, caught him up on everyones likes and dislikes and told him what not to say to certain people (my dad) or he would be cornered in a conversation for hours with no happy ending.

After Bubba was born my husband let me stay home for 7 months while he worked his hind end off. My grandma was thrilled because I was at her house everyday. I saw my mom and dad nearly everyday. For once in my life I craved being with my family and it was so exciting to see how everyone interacted with Bubba.

My grandmother pasted away suddenly a couple months after I started back to work. I was devastated as well as the entire family and it is still hard to bring her up. I miss her dearly. I don't know if things started to go weird in my family since then... but that's about the time my parents seem to have dropped off the face of the planet.

Bubba just turned 2 and I am completely crushed that my parents are hardly ever over, never call and when I ask them to watch Bubba they are always too busy or it's a bad time. If I don't call my mom... she won't call me. I figured I would test this theory and sure enough, I haven't talked to my Mom since LAST Sunday. (When I called her.)

Am I annoying? Is my daughter annoying? Did I do something wrong? Is Bubba too loud? Am I a bore? Bad company? My husband too handsome?

I still have a little certificate my parents made for my husband and I for Valentine's Day that says, "Good for 2 movie tickets and one night of babysitting." I have tried to cash it in THREE times and it's NEVER been convenient. Two weeks ago I asked my mom if she could watch Bubba on the 17th so my husband and I could go out for our anniversary.

Well, actually we are having company THAT weekend. Your grandparents are coming from New York. How about another time?


To top everything else off? My mom and dad live. six. blocks. away. SIX BLOCKS!!! So it's not like we live on the other side of town, there's not even a stop light inbetween us, no trains however, pfft, it must be the stop sign they have to stop for. (Hmmm, maybe their brakes are going out?)

I know that I could just "get over" this whole thing and be a big girl and initiate visits, outting and phone calls. But I am tired of it, I am always the one taking the initiative. I feel like my mom and dad regret that we are here. Or something. My daughter is the funniest, happiest and most loving child I have ever met. Of course, I am a little biased but people stop me all the time to tell me "What a happy baby you have", "WOW! What a smile!", or "Your baby is sooo good!" She's an angel.

So why am I avoided like the plaque? My upsetness at this issue has turned to anger and I can hardly control it anymore. I wish I would grow a pair of balls and tell my parents how much they have hurt me. Damn them.
Posted by and rudeness at 6:16 PM
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I hold nothing back...
I have been on a mission for the last couple months to purr-fect-o a recipe for "Taco Bake". It all started with a box of Old El Paso and kinda grew into an obsession from there.

At first I would add in my own little touches to the recipe and then decided to be brave and go from scratch. It took me a couple of tries but I think I have finally mastered it. Oh yes, I am the Taco Bakemaster! (rolls eyes)

It is still a work in progress and every time it is better. I hope that you can enjoy this and make it a family favorite like we have!

Because I am usually spending a little more time experimenting its hard to gauge how much time is spent making the Taco Bake. I would say about 20-25 minutes for prep time and 20 minutes in the oven at 350.

I use a 9x13 glass pan when cooking or two 9x9 pans. (Nice math huh?)

2 jalapenos
1 purple onion
1 package of 8 soft tortillas (flour or corn... I haven't tried corn yet)
1 lb. of meat (or chicken)
2 packets of Taco Seasoning
1 jar of cheese sauce
1 little tub of sour cream (about 2 cups or a large tub for you sour cream lovers!)
1 small can of refried beans
1 cup of rice (instant of course!)
1 package of shredded cheese
1 jar of Taco Bell Mild sauce (or fire for you crazy ones!)

To start: You'll need 2 small pots & a skillet for cooking the meat.
1. Start cooking the meat or chicken.
2. Chop up the onion and jalapeno. (I have realized if I put in Blue's Clues for Bubba and chop right away... I have just enough time to chop and clean up before she is in my hair again.)
3. Start the rice. (Once the water comes to a boil add in 1 packet of Taco Seasoning and then your 1 cup of rice. This is all based on instant rice.)
4. Put your refried beans, about a cup of sour cream, and the chopped onions in a pan. Just set it to low heat and stir occasionally. Careful this can burn easy!
5. When your meat or chicken is done cooking, drain and return to your skillet. Add in the jar of cheese sauce, 1 packet of Taco Seasoning, the jalapenos and stir well. Also put this to low heat and stir occasionally.
6. Your instant rice should be done. Fluff it with a fork and add in a cup of sour cream and about half the jar of hot sauce. Set to low heat and stir occasionally.

Now you have all 3 layers of your Taco Bake ready and on their way! I usually stir them until all are mixed well and thoroughly warm. (About 5-10 minutes.)

Layering your Taco Bake:
1. Get your 9x13 glass pan out and lightly cover the bottom of the pan with some hot sauce.
2. Take your tortillas and lay them down for a first layer.
3. Add your refried bean layer and spread evenly.
4. Sprinkle some shredded cheese.
5. Build another layer of tortillas.
6. Get your meat & cheese layer and spread evenly.
7. Add your rice layer on top of that.
8. Throw on the rest of your shredded cheese.
9. Last layer of tortillas.
10. Sprinkle the last of your hot sauce on the very top.


Put it in the oven and cook about 15-20 minutes. Just check it periodically to make sure the tortillas aren't burnt.

Remove. ENJOY!
Posted by and rudeness at 8:03 PM
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We have to move... so we can MOVE!
My husband and I would like to think that we have our lives under control. We love to think it. We have recently decided to move to the town in which I work in to save money. So we can move again.

Wha? WTF? Are you CrAzY!?

Well, yes of course I am. We are. But here's the thing. We moved to the great land of Cheeseheads when I was 8 months pregnant (yes, we were insane to think that would be bright) to be close to family. Now here, we realize that the family didn't work out like we thought.

So what's the reasoning behind our maddness?

Move closer to work.
Sign one year lease.
Save money as well as time.
Store up all the bundles of money we are saving.
Then move again in a year.

My husband is currenly in school to be a 3D modeler and let me tell ya... in the middle of nowhere (where we currently live... or as I lovely refer to as Bumblefuck) there aren't any jobs in his field and the jobs in my field pay dick.

So, in a year we are planning to move to Dallas. (YEAH! So I can be close to Mandacakes!! EEE!)And of course so the hubbie and I can get good paying jobs in our field.

So, after work for the past few weeks I have been looking at apartments. And I found one! EEE! It's a bigger place than we have now, I don't have to mow OR shovel snow, it's like 1.3 miles from my work and the HEAT & WATER are included! JACKPOT!

Our apartment should be ready to move into come Oct. 1st. I AM SO EXCITED. The thing is... this means that we now have "started to move to Dallas."

We have a timeline that MAKES us have to get our act together. We have one year. Then its off to DALLAS!! Its about damn time.
Posted by and rudeness at 7:36 PM
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My little artist.
A couple of days ago my neighbors 3yr. old introduced Bubba to sidewalk chalk. You could see that Bubba was thinking... "Man I can caaa-LARR out here too?!"

So of course, we rushed to the store (because that's what every parent does, right?) to get her some sidewalk chalk and had a great time "Caaaa-LARing" outside.

This is Paaaa-trick-a from SpongeBob:
Just so serious:
Do you really think I was letting her eat the chalk? No, on her own accord she was kissing her drawings.... (Yeah- I know... FREAKING ADORABLE!)


Posted by and rudeness at 7:41 PM
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Amazon Smile.
A couple years ago I was doing some painting around my house. As I began my painting I realized that I had quite a bit of supplies. So I grabbed a box and threw everything in!

And when I walked into the kitchen I about peed my pants. Cause this is what was staring back at me.


Posted by and rudeness at 11:30 AM
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The only thing I ever regretted.
"Of all the sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these...
It might have been."

It took a long time before that phrase didn't make me well up with tears, crying for days and send me into a depression that only ended at the bottom of a drink. All I wanted was to forget.

To forget that the most. wonderful. thing. that had ever happened to me, had to turn his back on me when I needed him the most.

I forced him to. I made him leave. I gave him no choice. I messed up big time. You only get so many chances. I told him that I never regret anything I do. I told him I wouldn't fight. But I should have fought. Until the end of time. I should have...

It all started the summer between my junior and senior year of high school when my church was planning a trip to Mexico. I couldn't tell you to this day what made me want to go. I can't tell you how we got the money together to make it happen. And I can't tell you how it came down to only Dave and I going on the trip. But there was this series of events that were both frustrating, silly, maddening and crazy that lead to the very fact it was just us. We prepared, packed and planned this trip for quite a while but little did I know that those days in Mexico could never have been planned. They just happened.

We had the best time. We laughed harder than we ever had before. We turned the weirdest situations into the best stories. We broke the law. We got lost. We ate crazy food that I swear to this day was dog. We snuck into each others rooms at night to talk the night away. We crammed ourselves against each other in taxis and wished the ride would never end.

I wish that trip had never ended.

When we got home from Mexico and for the next year he and I were inseparable. We worked at the same place; we had the same friends. We started school. I even switched my classes around to be in his classes. We switched our lockers to be side by side. I woke him up every morning to have breakfast. I skipped class to eat lunch with him.

Dave gave me the chance to truly figure out who I was. He was the first person to listen to me. He was the first person I could debate EVERYTHING with. He and I would talk for hours and hours... Endless topics and thought provoking conversation. Every moment spent with Dave was like a new dream coming true.

Now I had had previous boyfriends before Dave but no one like him. It wasn't until Dave that I knew what love meant. Not puppy love. But love. Friendship. Grow old together love.

Everything about him took my breath away. The way he smiled. The way he walked. His crazy hair his parents were always begging me to get cut. The way he smelled. The way he laughed. The way he thought he knew how to dance. The way he hated his middle name. The way he held my hand. The way he held me when I cried. The way his eyes lit up when he was excited about something. Just simply... everything.

He was the one that was there when I had had enough of my parents and moved out. He was there to hold me when I couldn't take it anymore. He was there when anything went wrong. He made me feel safe. And always made it right.

Then I let myself ruin us. I flushed it all down the toilet in one decision. I stopping thinking and acted.

When he came to me with the saddest eyes, a broken heart and a simple question why? I couldn't answer. All I could mutter was I don't know. And I let him walk out that door.

And I fell apart. I can barely remember the next year. Between drinking and anything else I could do to get my mind off of him, I was a wreck. Unrecognizable to everyone and myself. The next 4 years were a blur and as I finally began to come about, I slowly started to find myself again. That Ryan I was with him. Me.

I haven't spoke to him in years but I think of him every day. I wonder what it would be like to run into him now. I pray that someday I will. What would I say?

I would want to tell him that I was sorry. That it seems like a lifetime ago that we were each others everything, yet he has made an impact in my life that I can never replace. Never forget. I would tell him that I have had a thousand conversations with him in my mind as I cried myself to sleep. That we may have been young then, we may be completely different people now, but that I wish I hadn't done it without him. That many times when I thought I wouldn't make it, thinking of him gave me strength.

I would say to him like I did years ago as we parted ways to college, "I will love you forever."
Posted by and rudeness at 1:10 PM
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It finally happened.
I got old. When did it happen? Well, somewhere along my "journey".

Maybe when I began staying at home on Friday nights to curl up infront of the TV instead of going to the bar. Or when the most exciting thing I wanted to wear involved sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Or when spending 2 hours on hair and makeup became a chore, thus I invented "3 minute hair."

Maybe when soda starting gaving me heartburn. Or when pizza starting giving me gas and indigestion. Or maybe when I stopped eating dessert because of the dairy.

Was it when going TO BED became the only thing I looked forward to all day? Or when wanting to go to the doctor to make sure everything was "okay" could become the hot topic of my entire day? Or when my proudest moment is getting the dishes, laundry and the trash taken out, all in the same evening?

Or maybe I am losing my mind because TMC decided to run "A Few Good Men" this month and as I was flipping the channels, I flipped straight into adulthood.

That's a classic already? WTF! Damn I am OOOOLD.
Posted by and rudeness at 9:59 PM
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and Flickr.
and prior rudeness.
and daily rudeness.
and cool rudeness.
My site was nominated for Best Parenting Blog!
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