to my blog.
I am a girl named Ryan.
Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.
If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.
and about rudeness.
and rudeness
of the week.
fastlane rudeness.
You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.
and rudeness.
and old rudeness.
and find rudeness.

A Girl Named Ryan
I totally freaked out today when I was taking a look at site meter and saw that someone googled "a girl named Ryan" and got to me. Damn. Was it really that easy?

Then I think to myself... Self, you put that exact phrase in your 100 Things list. Yes, I did. Duh. But I got all excited (not a good excited) because I freaked at the thought, that was all someone had to type to find me.

So all the boyfriends I crushed back in the day... cause, oh there were so many. (Rolling eyes.) All the people that I pissed off. All the people I dont want to find me. Can. How many people out there, are girls with the name Ryan anyways?

I know that Ryan is becoming a more popular name for girls because of its "uniqueness"... there goes my eye rolling again... but you wont find many, if any, of us girls named Ryan entering into our 30's.


I clicked on the link just to see what was going on. And to my surprise the biggest thing I found on the phrase "a girl named Ryan" were people asking questions like:

"Do you think Ryan could be a girl name?"

"Is Ryan a girls name or a boys name?"

"Is the name Ryan a good girls name or will my child be teased?"

"What kind of middle name goes with Ryan for a girl?"

Questions of that nature always intrigue me. So as I am reading through comments and post all over the place... and more than once I was so angry and pissed off...

1. The name Ryan for a girl is awesome! Yeah, its MY name so maybe I am a little biased.

2. If there is ONE girl with the name Ryan, THEN ITS NOT A BOYS NAME. And no a girl named Ryan doesnt automatically make them gay, manly, mean or gruff. (I mean shit, I put makeup every once in a while and paint my fingernails. Hell, I even got a pedicure.)

3. Did I get picked on in school? Of course I did. Was it about my name? Nope. Not really. I was the one that was embarrassed about my name. Cause I thought people would make fun of me. No, what the kids in school really clung onto me for... my maiden name was a food group. THAT is why I got picked on in school. Well... and the glasses, the braces and being the tallest girl from 3rd until 7th grade. But you know what kids... EVERYONE gets PICKED ON!

4. Dont choose a name simply because it is "cute." Man that really irritates me. I see these posts where people are like... OMG, Ryan is so cute for a girl, but I think I need a really girlie middle name like Fu-fu-rella to go with it. Jesus. Pick the name because you LIKE it. Dont try and choose a middle name that justifies the first.

The biggest problem with my name being Ryan didnt come until I was out of school, graduated and in the real world. I have been hung up on before because a credit card company didnt think I was really, really Ryan. "I am sorry, I cant disclose any information to you without talking to Ryan. Have him call back and then set you up on the account to talk to us."

Bite me. I like my name.

I think I am done now. Thank you.

**Actually I am NOT done. For the mother effing record people... that little Ryan Starr girl from American Idol. SHE WAS NOT BORN WITH THE NAME RYAN. SHE CHANGED HER FIRST NAME TO RYAN. Okay, so technically she was born with her middle name being Ryan but her first name was TIFFANY. Tiffany Ryan Montgomery. No Starr in there either. She did all that when she was on American Idol.**

Posted by and rudeness at 8:45 PM
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Adding another title to the resume.
My husband recently got a job working for an insurance company as their "IT" man. YAHOO! He will be working part time, while I made arrangements at work changing up my hours a bit so I can still get in the "40 hours."

Starting this week, I have Wednesday and Thursday off and I wont go in on Friday until noon. And I must say,
the last two days have been incredibly wonderful. Amazing in fact. I guess you could say that I am a PTSAHM. Part time Stay at Home Mom. And I am just loving it.

Whats great about the whole thing is: 1. I am still working full time. 2. The husband is working, getting out of the house and bringing in MUCH needed extra bacon. 3. Bubba and I get a TON more time together. 4. I am getting MUCH needed me time in the mornings 3 days a week before Bubba wakes up... me time. Did you hear me? ME TIME!!

I am totally in love with this new schedule. I was able to spend 3 hours yesterday and almost 2 hours today doing nothing but reading through this site and this one. I am like CRACK addicted to these sites. Confessions. What a wonderful thing. You should go over and check it out... but not until you have read everything that I have to say. Cause it'll be just soooo exciting. I promise. Once you click out of here... you will be cursing my name for introducing you to such a awesome site and wont come back here. Atleast for a couple hours. So dont even click over there... yet.

Both mornings that I went to get Bubba up, the moment the door started to open she was saying "DADDY!" but when she realized it was me... "MOMMA! OHH MOMMA BACK! I LUB YOU MOMMA!"

Talk about the songs my heart was singing.

Bubba is her hyperiest and cheeriest right in the morning. She didnt get that from her Daddy or I. She does these crazy I-am-running-around-in-circles-isnt-this-so-great and lets-crawl-all-over-the-floor-like-KITTENS-right-now! stuff in the morning that is just adorable. I mean really it is damn near breathtaking... that child makes me so mentally exhausted just watching her...

This particular morning she was wearing all pink (ok, that would be almost every morning) and I happened to have on my pink pajama bottoms as well. So after changing her diaper and letting her loose in the living room, I sat down on the couch and she runs over to me and starts giggling, "TICKLE YOUR PINK PANTS MOMMA! TICKLE, TICKLE, TICKLE."

Naturally I started tickling her little Pinkness right back and as we fell to the floor... she really thought I wanted to play the crawling around like kittens game.

Damnit. Mentally AND physically exhausted, I tell ya!


So we are crawling all over the floor and she scuttles over to me on all fours and gets right in my face and LICKS me from cheek to forehead and starts meowing. Then she looks right in my eyes and says, "Momma. You tickle me Pink."

I want EVERY morning to be JUST like this.

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Posted by and rudeness at 8:47 AM
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I Must Confess...
...I went and confessed.

And it was wonderful.
Posted by and rudeness at 8:28 AM
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Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.
I would really like to get better about posting a Tidbits of Me, Tuesday in which it could be read, by the masses... oh yes, the masses... ON TUESDAY. You know like... THUS THE TITLE. But, as I fail at much... I fail at being prepped and prepared for anything that I plan. Pertaining to a "Schedule of Posting" anyways... cause let me tell you... I was prepped and prepared for 10 MONTHS ahead of time for Bubba to come into this world. (Okay, maybe less the 9 weeks that I didnt have a CLUE I was pregnant.)

Damn. Where am I heading with all this? As my girl over at Adventures in Baby Fat would say... ONWARD!

Six days ago when I got home from the Day of the Evil MRI I decided that I would go on a diet. Not just a casual diet. But a STRICT diet that would for sure show results. Results that would guarantee a more successful time at my next MRI in six months. So my goal is to lose 50 pounds in the next 6 months.

I am by no means a HUUUUUUUUGE girl. I am just a little on the heavier side of delicate. Maybe just HUGE. Yeah, thats what we'll say. I have NEVER been satisfied with my weight... what woman ever has?

So Mandacakes has been sharing her Fitness Broo-ha-ha with me and I have been eagerly taking in every bit of advice. Even though she claims that all this diet information is boring... I am soaking it up.

And I have been buying a TON of veggies and fruits. Whole wheat and healthy grains. I am actually to the point that candy and sugars are like poison. I just dont want them. Having a donut at work is the LAST thing I want. So in that sense... this diet is going very well!! And I do feel great. I even started riding my bike to work. Yeah!

The only thing that has really sucked about the whole diet thing is... my body is a little freaked out. I have had a little higher gas build up and some seriously industrial waste smelling number 2s. ICK! But moving right along.

So other than squirming in my chair a little more at work... trying to hold back the little toots that want to escape... I have also had the hiccups. A lot. The hiccups that cut deep and nothing will take them away. As I sit there at work downing water and holding my breath, I continue to jump with every hiccup and sometimes those little bastards escape right out of my mouth. The audacity!

So yesterday when one of my male co-workers walked past my desk and a hiccup let loose... he looked at me with a little smirk on his face and asked if there was anything he could do to help.

I politely looked him in the eye and said, "I will rip BOTH of your balls off and shove them down your THROAT if you think for a moment that you are going to scare them away."

See the thing is... I am not a fan of being scared. Are there any people that ARE fans of being scared? Yeah, I know there are some freaks out there that LIKE to be scared. Anyways, I have always had an unnatural phobia of loud noises and being scared. I think it started with my EXTREMELY unnatural HATE of balloons.

Yeah, thats right. Bring one of those babies around me and I panic. Full blown terror. I feel I can admit this to you... the masses... because I know that none of you will use this to your advantage and try and chase me down with a balloon. I mean, please dont. PLEASE!

At my 5th birthday party, at Wendy's!, we played this game where there are balloons all over the floor. In the allotted time you have to SIT on as many as you can and pop them. (My heartbeat just went up to 100 as I am typing this...) Well, I lost the game. Lame huh? The BIRTHDAY GIRL LOST.

Since I was the LOSER... my (competitive, military) father picked me up and started setting me on balloons and popping them, telling me and SHOWING me how easy POP! the game
POP! was and POP! for the love of Christ POP! RYAN, why couldnt you do this?

So... uhm... yeah. I have NEVER liked balloons pretty much since then. Which has turned into a HATE for them popping. That lead to every LOUD noise... scaring the living crap out of me. Car backfire? JUMP! Dog bark unexpectedly? Three years off my life. Something fall to the floor? Out of my skin!

Which in the end? Great. Way to go. Cause I have to maintain a steady heartrate and blood pressure but my husband thinks its funny when I jump. Bastard. Hes lucky I love him. Cause if I didnt? He would have had his balls shoved down his throat a long time ago.


Posted by and rudeness at 6:50 PM
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I have an itch... and I dont know where to scratch.
There must be something in the air. Maybe something in the water. Cause I am losing my mind. I feel like a ball of energy waiting to explode. Why you may ask?

I dont know.

I DO know that it is 1:30am and I just switched over yet another load of laundry. That makes about 6 loads today. I am even washing the comforter that has sat on my basement floor for the last 3 months waiting patiently to be washed.

I do know I spent about 2 hours earlier looking at new templates for my blog and came up empty handed. I am just going to build my own. I am going to master template making. I am going to be a TEMPLATE MAKING GODDESS! I mean, just as soon as I figure out CSS and Dreamweaver. No problem, right? When I ask my husband template questions he usually just takes over. There will be no more of that! I am going to learn. And master.

I do know I took apart my entire vacuum this evening and cleaned it out. Like detailed it. I think it is now cleaner than the day I bought it. Oh, how I love you vacuum.

I do know that I still heart my pedicure and every chance I get... I sneak a peak at my pretty little painted toes. This bitch is wearing flip flops at EVERY available chance.

I do know that I got a new pair of sunglasses this weekend. Prescription sunglasses. And I absolutely love them to death. And my husband keeps telling me what a nerd I am for wearing them in the house. Now I am thinking about moving to Alaska, so I can wear them 24/7 for 6 months straight.

I do know that I have a thousand thoughts going through my mind (obviously from my irritating and unorganized ramblings above) and I cant even think straight. Maybe its cause Spring is finally here? Just when I thought that winter was going to last forever and I was going to fall into a never ending depression... Spring FINALLY FREAKING came.

And its about damn time too.

Today my parents came up and we all went bike riding. We rode to the park and played in the sand along side Bubba. Cause there was no where else in the WORLD that little girl wanted to be than in that sand. Covered in it. And I didnt even care that she was dirty from head to toe. We had so much fun burying her toys and then digging them out. Over and over and over again.

And after a couple hours of that... its dinner time.

And it took my parents, husband and I about 15 minutes until we finally convinced Bubba it would be more fun to go home to eat! dinner! than play in the sand any longer. Cause every time I asked her if she was ready to go she said, "One more minute" as in leave me the HELL alone I am having SO much more fun than anything else you could plan today!!

When we got home, my Mom and I made dinner. Steaks! YUM! It was so nice to work in the kitchen with my Mom. It has been a long time since we did that. Just hung out and had fun cooking. It really made me look back and realize that sometimes crazy things have to happen for people to remember how much they love each other. To remember how much fun the other person could be.

Over the last month we have gotten a lot closer. And it has been great. Obviously I could have done without the almost dying part to make us get closer... but I wouldnt change a thing about the last month. (Okay, I could have done with the MRIs... well and the dying part.) You know what I am trying to say. I have really missed my Mom.

We talk on the phone almost everyday and see each other every couple of days. When we lived 6 blocks away from each other we only saw each other on holidays and special occasions. Of course that is always full of stress and craziness. So the last couple of weeks have been a welcome relief.

As my parents packed up and left this evening we were already making plans for tomorrow. How cool is that?! YEAH! They just adopted two new kitties from the Humane Society so we are going to go and check them out. Jack and Chloe. I'll give you one guess where those names came from.

Well, the buzzer on the dryer just went... Gotta go get load number 7 started.
Posted by and rudeness at 12:25 AM
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I am stable.
Well... while I wish I could use that word to describe my mental state at all times... I cant. Cause the only thing STABLE on this bitch is her brain.

Thats right! YEAH!

Things went well in Madison. Nothing changed. Nothing grew. Nothing shrunk, either. (Well, except my fat ass lost 6 pounds.) Woot woot!

I didnt have a very fun time with the MRI... we arent really speaking right now. Next time I even have to come within 100 feet of that thing I will be FULLY loaded with valium.

So thank you for your well wishes. I love you all so much. And yes, Willis was there with me the entire time.


Posted by and rudeness at 1:43 PM
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If an apple a day keeps the doctor away...
I have an entire bushel picked and ready to go with me.

I am headed back to Madison tonight to see my doctors tomorrow. I will be going through some MRI testing and what not. With and without contrast. And something else they call "tricks."

I mean really. Tricks? Should I be worried?

So, please say a little prayer that everything is just fine. No changes. Cause I am anxious already to get back home and curl up with my little girl on the couch. Cause there is nothing better than Spongebob reruns.


Posted by and rudeness at 6:23 PM
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Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.
When I was five years old my Mom took me into the cul-da-sac in front of our house and took the training wheels off my bike. Handed me my helmet and said, "Ryan, today we are going to learn how to ride without training wheels."

Well, I basically said, "RYAN! DO IT!" I strapped my helmet on. Pulled my socks up to my knees and jumped on that little red bike and took control.

And a couple scrapes later I was riding circles in front of the house, having needed no assistance from Mom or Dad what-so-ever, without any little baby training wheels. Cause I was a big girl now, damnit.

We use to take family bike rides all the time. Whether it be just going around the block or on longer 10-20 mile rides as I got older.

When I was 10 my parents got me my first ever 10 speed bike. Yeah, that scared the living hell out of me. But it was the next step. And I was ready. My Dad and I started riding every. single. day. after he got home from work. Monday-Thursday we went about 15 miles. On Fridays we went 40 miles. Then on Sunday we all rode as a family and would do casual 5-10 mile trips because my sister was in the little buggy thing on the back of my Dad's bike.

Slowly we started taking longer trips and then my Dad had a great idea. Lets do a MS 150 Bike Tour. My Great Aunt on my Dad's side has Multiple Sclerosis and the ride raises money for research. We would then ride in her name.

Thats right. MATCHING shirts.
It was so we could spot each other quickly on the road.
You convinced?
And oh yeah, that is SO an Astro van in the background.
Can you figure out which one I am?

And when I say ride... obviously the "150" part meant 150 miles. In two days. My parents were confident that we would do just fine and signed up. We trained until the day we left and all 4 of us (my sister in the buggy) finished in the two days alloted. We went from San Antonio, Texas to Corpus Cristi, Texas. It was a pretty cool thing. A very good sense of accomplishment. I was the youngest rider ever to finish.

But I'll tell you there were times coming across the cotton fields with the wind whipping us at 30 miles per hour that I thought I was actually going BACKWARDS. (By the way, do you know what stressed spells backwards?... Cool huh?)

A couple years later we did another MS Tour when we lived in South Carolina and my sister was big enough to ride. That year SHE was the youngest ever to ride and finish.

I just love cycling. I would ride my bike everywhere if I didnt care how my hair looked. Yeah, thats my excuse now. When we moved to Wisconsin a couple years ago, my husband and I left our bikes in Texas. But two years ago, my parents got me a new bike for my birthday and a little buggy for Bubba to ride in. Man, she loooves that thing.

I will admit this picture is from May 2005 but
she is damn cute and this is the only
picture of her I have in her buggy.
Totally pimped out with toys and her own pillow.

I am excited that the weather has finally began to warm up and am so eager to get riding again. I just think it is so great that cycling for me has come full circle. I know we are a ways off from taking Bubba's training wheels off... but I can hardly wait.

Her grandpa is currently fixing up my little red bike for Bubba. How cool is that?


Posted by and rudeness at 5:05 PM
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Back to the Basics.
My sweet little girl is in the process of getting four of her molars. At once. Thats right, all together in one grand symphony of P A I N.

There is the constant whining. Everything pisses her off. The fighting to eat food. The throwing of her juice cup. The stomping around. Nothing can get her mind off of her teeth... all of her toys have become victims. I even feel bad for some of them... poor Buzz Lightyear keeps being run over with her trucks and then slammed against the wall. Noooo Buzzzz!! NOOOOO!!

Maybe he is the one that told her molars to come in?

So we have done all of the normal remedies to help sooth her poor little gums as her teeth BREAK OUT of them. Cool washcloth. Stop it Momma! Oragel. STOP IT MOMMA! Rubbing the gums with my fingers. Go away MOMMA!

Really the only thing that helps are Popsicles. But we know why. They are messy and fun. I mean 2½ year old + popsicle = Mess and stains on the carpet = no security deposit back.

Cant they make flavored WHITE Popsicles?

The other morning Bubba woke up with a 105 degree fever. And diarrhea. So we immediately figured it to be her teeth and gave her some Tylenol to help bring the fever down. It helped a little but we had to give her 3 doses throughout the day. And of course her diarrhea gave her a sore bottom.

How is it that your child can poop... immediately waddle to you and scream DIAPER! CHANGE! and 15 seconds later you are changing them... and they have the REDDEST, NASTIEST diaper rash already?! Grrr...

At 3:00am that next morning Bubba woke up moaning and groaning while holding her ear. She was hot as hell and shaking yet sweating. Mr. Bubba and I jumped out of bed and did everything we thought would help. Changed her clothes, her diaper, rocked her, gave her some juice. Nothing was helping. I went to get some Tylenol and realized that we were out. Since we live in Bumblefuck, WI nothing would have been open at this hour so I gave her the next best thing.

I am currently taking Baby Aspirin as a blood thinner and gave her one of those. I got a cool washcloth and rubbed her face and neck. After a half an hour her fever was still sky high and she was starting to shake more. Then I noticed her eyes. She wasnt focusing on anything and they just looked... wrong.

So we rushed around like headless chickens getting everything ready to go to the ER. Mr. Bubba and I were randomly shouting things to each other about what we thought they would do. Once before when Bubba was teething and having a bad time with the whole thing... we went to the doctor. The doctor informed us that fever and diarrhea had nothing to do with teething and she must have just had a viral infection.

Hello. Teething INVENTED the fever and diarrhea. Am I right here?! I am so freaking pissed off about doctors who deny this fact of the universe.

Well crazy doctors aside we were scared shittless about what Bubba was going through. Something just wasnt right.

When we got to the ER and as I raced through the last 24 hours with the nurse she looked at me like a crazy woman when I told her about an hour ago we gave Bubba Baby Aspirin. And when the doctor came in, he totally scolded me.

You ARE NOT allowed to give a 2½ year old Aspirin. What were you thinking?!

**Blink blink**
What do you mean? B A B Y Aspirin. It said on the side of the bottle that it was good for teething and then I looked at the weight chart and gave her two.

No. Children under the age of 18 ARE NOT allowed to have Aspirin. There is a thing called Reyes syndrome...

Okay. Lets back up the train here. I had NO IDEA that Baby Aspirin was off limits. Am I the only one here?! OMG I had no idea. The doctor told me that I could have worsened her situation when I gave her the Aspirin. Never. Ever. EVER. Give your child Aspirin.

Am I seriously the only person that didnt know this?! I have read so many books and websites and blogs on parenting and never heard this. I feel like shit. Like I poisoned my daughter. Dear God whatever you do... dont give your little ones Aspirin!

Here's some backup on why:

Waiting until your child is 19 years old to take aspirin or any medication that contains aspirin may seem overly cautious to you, especially if you took baby aspirin when you were a kid, but following this advice could save your child's life. That's because aspirin use during childhood has been linked with a rare, but often fatal illness known as Reye's syndrome. The risk is especially high for children who take aspirin when they have a fever or other symptoms of a viral illness, such as flu or chickenpox.

While at the ER we also learned that we have been under dosing her Tylenol... she now falls into the next category for dosing. That could have been another reason her fever wasnt fully going away. They told us to alternate Tylenol and Motrin every 3 hours and so far... fingers crossed... she has been doing much better.


Posted by and rudeness at 10:08 AM
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High Expectations.
Husband: It took you THAT long to get there?

Me: Well, I ran into more construction than I thought I would.

Husband: How much were you expecting?

Me: None.
Posted by and rudeness at 9:04 PM
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Even Higher Expectations.
Bubba: Daddys shirt.

Daddy: What?

Bubba: Daddys shirt.

Daddy: What do you want, Bubba?

Bubba: Daaaaddyyyys! SHIRT!

Daddy: One more time, Bubba.


Daddy: Show Daddy.

Bubba (Said with the look of death and the devil voice.): Daddys. shirt.

Daddy: Bubba. I have NO IDEA what you are saying.

Bubba promptly stomps over to her to her toybox, reaches within and thrusts her dinosaur into the air with the look of, "Dont give me this SHIT Daddy, I was OBVIOUSLY saying dinosaur."

Daddy: Well, Bubba why didnt you say so?

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Posted by and rudeness at 8:50 PM
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Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.
I am stubborn. Since conception I have been. I always will be. And I try to considerate it... use it as a strength.

But there are times that I can give up easily. I wont even fight.

And sometimes it is so hard to walk away. To realize that there are somethings that JUST arent worth it.

And they should be. Cause I thought so.

But thats life...
its never been fair. And it isnt going to start being fair.


Posted by and rudeness at 9:24 PM
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Now he calls me his "Old Lady."
My husband and I may only be 28 days apart... the old farts birthday was in March... but is that anyway to treat a lady?

Well I aint no lady.

(Rolls eyes... how can I say that when I talk about my pedicure in the same post?)

We had an absolutely WONDERFUL time on Saturday. When I got to work today and the girls where asking me about my birthday, of course, their first question was, "Where did you go out to eat?!"



Well, the thing is. I didnt need anything fancy for my birthday. We were going to go to our favorite Chinese place. Although that would have put us past 8pm. And we told the babysitter we would be back at 8pm. So the most logical and literally my second choice, was Subway. Yum. Yum.

And what else did we do? We started off by going to my spa pedicure. Holy moly on a shish-ka-bob. THAT was fabulous. If I could justify spending $40 on my TOENAILS and FEET once a month, I would do it. But as it stands... it was hard enough to spend a GIFT CERTIFICATE on it.

But my feet look hot. I mean... HOT! And I have never said that about my feet. Well, atleast about how they LOOKED.

We also went to Best Buy and bought me things. And whats so special about that? You know my husband loves me when we can go into Best Buy and NOT buy him anything. It. was. all. about. me.

Then we went to Starbucks. Did some Passion Tea with lemonade (add sweetener) lovin'. Man that drink is so good.

We drank our Starbucks on the way to the mall. And I went to JCPenney's and bought towels. Hell yeah. Want to know the best part? They were 60% off.

**High fives for everyone! 60% OFF!**

I totally had the best day ever. And I didnt end the day in the ER. Imagine that. I would say, it was a successful birthday in the Bubba household.
Posted by and rudeness at 7:41 PM
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One more makes 27.
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true.
Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life.
Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for.
Unless it's death by meteor.

Well I wont be blowing out any candles and wishing for death by meteor. Not just yet anyways. I have a babysitter lined up for today and scheduled my first ever spa pedicure. Man, I am so excited.

When I told my husband I had done so and that we were going out to dinner afterwards, other than asking if we could go to Best Buy too... he said, "We ARENT going to that little Italian place are we!!?"

No, I dont really want a side of hives with dinner. JeezSUS. I figured we would go somewhere "safe."
Posted by and rudeness at 11:40 AM
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He just wanted me for my body.
And TRUST ME, there was nothing sexual about it. For the first 30 minutes I was talking to the doctor yesterday afternoon, there was a twinkle in his eye. Like a youth in them when he was talking about my twisted and distorted brain.

For the longest time I was a little weirded out. Then I figured it all out. His enthusiasm about what was going on, the uncertainties, the uniqueness of my "disease," the research and testing... he was looking at me like, "Damn. If you die from this, can I dissect you?" Cause your brain would be like a trophy in a jar down in the lab. I will take it for walks and we'd eat lunch together under the ole gum tree every. single. day.

Seriously. I thought about this the ENTIRE visit. Okay well... the only time I wasnt thinking about it? I was thinking about how my gown was by NO MEANS actually covering me. Oh, and why in the HELL anyone thought it would be a good idea to put the Neurology Clinic in with the Infectious Disease Clinic*. Yeah. Really. You walk in and on the right is Neurology and on the left is Infectious Disease.

Infectious... Disease.

Why in the living hell couldnt it JUST be the Disease Clinic? Cause when I sat down to wait for the doctor when I first arrived... do you even think for a moment I was going to pick up a magazine to read in THAT waiting room?

Hell the FUCK no. Infectious disease. Ick.

I held Willis tight to me. I wouldnt even let HIM read a magazine.

Speaking of Willis... here he is!
Never. Even for a second. Left my side.
He wouldnt do a flip for the camera though.
I think he is a little shy.

Once my doctors visit was done and I FINALLY found my way out of the hospital and on my merry way, I was quite glad that everything went pretty well. I mean, shit. I wasnt tattooed, pierced or mohawked. I wasnt admitted. I didnt have to get through any crazy ass procedures. No medical power of attorney.

I could get the hang of this. As long as nothing changes!

Being as though my doctors visit was 450 miles round trip, I had plently of time to reflect on the visit itself on the way home. In the end, I defiantly feel better about things. I think. Here's what I learned.

1. The TIA or mini-stroke I had last weekend could have JUST been a symptom of a migraine. Its common to have "neurological lapses" that would include temporary loss of my feeling in the left side of my body.

2. That while there is a good chance that my migraines have NOTHING to do with my crazy arteries, the doctor has a "gut" feeling it is all related. Which is good. Cause I agree with that and was quite freaked out to think that they might NOT have anything to do with one another.

3. The reason that I dont have any literature or research on my "disease" is the very fact, as everything is happening, it IS research. Which, damn... I would defiantly rather be a cookie cutter diagnosis with a cookie cutter resolve... but I guess it is neat to be part of the learning process. As long as they continue to make sure that if SOMETHING does happen, that I continue to make it out of the hospital ALIVE.

4. The tests that I have to go back to Madison for on the 18th arent as scary as I first thought. Once he talked about the MRI/MRA, tricks and experimental things relating it all to photography... it made sense. And I shouldnt need any tranquilizers like I thought I was going to require.

5. With all the twistedness of the arteries in m
y head, I was worried that other places in my body would be twisted too. He let me know when I had my angiogram that they "hopped over to my kidney and checked things out." Apparently IF something would have gone array anywhere else... that would have been the key location to check out. When they got over to the kidneys... everything was healthy and normal. Thank God.

So, equipped with more understanding, I am feeling better. I still may be worried that if I sneeze... I will blow up but I am not scared about taking a crap anymore.

(*Please dont think that me saying something like that about the Infectious Disease Clinic meant that I am in any way making fun of someone who actually has something that would require them to be seen by a doctor in this department. I was just thrown off by the combining of clinics and figured that a clinic like "Infectious Disease" should have maybe... had its own area. Cause I am a freak about germs and what not.)


Posted by and rudeness at 6:43 PM
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Say a little prayer for me...
Today I am going down to Madison to see my doctors for a little checkup. I wasnt suppose to go down until later in the month but last Saturday I had a TIA, or mini-stroke that left my entire left side completely numb for about an hour.

All feeling returned and since then, with the help of a couple extra medicines, I have been feeling great. As in GREAT. As in, I may have even snuck me in some husband time since then. **wink** So along with five days with only ONE migraine... That spells relief.

So I have my favorite outfit on, my lucky underwear and Willis. I am feeling good and ready to go. Oh, Willis... I bet you are wondering who he is...

When my parents came to the hospital for my first MRI when all of this craziness began my Mom brought me a stuffed animal. An adorably soft little dog. I held that thing every second of the time during my stay in the hospital. I swear they even let me hold him during my angiogram.

AsI was thinking about everything the doctors said to me and trying to contemplate things, it struck me to call my new friend, Willis. Cause everyone has a circle of Willis...well I dont have a circle... I have some really twisted arteries and what not... but anyways he is my "Willis." And he can do circles.

Thus. Even without my very own "Circle of Willis"... I have a circling Willis.


Posted by and rudeness at 7:53 AM
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Why April is going to be the BEST MONTH EVER.
When this year started I was going the I'm-NOT-making-any-resolutions-and-just-going-to-be-more-optimistic route and while that worked good and well until March hit... then I was Tattooed. Pierced. and Mohawked. all in the same weekend AFTER a month filled with everything that could go wrong DID.

Trust me, more than a THOUSAND TIMES I said as March was coming to a close, "Uhm yeah, I cant WAIT for this month to be over. Like now. Cause I cant take anymore."

Then I barely noticed as April started. It wasnt until my brother-in-law tried to pull a fast one on me and gave me the good ole APRIL FOOLS! joke that made my mind race and question if I was sane or not. No. It was a sign. I had just passed out of a month gone all wrong.

Which brings us to the punchline!

Since April 1st I have had only one migraine. One. In 4 days. Hot damn.

Since April 2nd, when I returned to work after 7 days off being sick, I have accomplished more work than I thought possible. My creativeness has been sparked and I am "on fire!"

Since April 3rd, I landed a freelance job that will ensure any time off that I had because I used ALL of my personal days and ALL of my vacation days in March, will not put my husband and I in a financial bind like first thought.

And on this day I found out that I am a finalist on the Best of Blogs for Parenting. I mean wow... parenting. Like woah. I threw a little piece up on the sidebar. Its my first ever blogland award. I am alittle excited to say the least. And the thing is? I havent even won or anything, I was just a finalist.

Since April 4th... and holy shit that would be TODAY... my husband walked into a interview and HAD THE JOB before he opened his mouth to say hi. That's right folks. We will soon be a TWO INCOME FAMILY! Hot damn again!!

April 7th is my birthday.

April 16th is my girls birthday. (And there is PLENTY of satisfaction in knowing that I am the more mature and wise NINE ENTIRE DAYS OLDER one here.)

And I know there are better days ahead and things to look forward to. Finally. So please... do a little happy dance and think good thoughts about April. PLEASE! It's gonna be the BEST MONTH EVER!

Posted by and rudeness at 10:24 PM
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Spoiled ROTTEN.
You rang?
And sometimes among my SEA of TOYS
I MAY acknowledge you.

Since Bubba was born, my husband and I have made sure that no matter what, Bubba has had everything she needed. And wanted. Seemingly lately.... just wanted. We dont have the checkbook to get her EVERYTHING... but pretty damn close to everything she has ever wanted. When they are young you can make anything a dollar seem like a thousand.

Bubba overall is an angel so I dont mind getting her a little something here and there when we go out. And if I go somewhere without her, if I see something she would like, I'll get it for her. I mean, who can go to Target WITHOUT getting a couple of useless things from the One Spot. Because I tell you... Target is GENIUSES for inventing the One Spot!! I heart the One Spot.

For the last couple of months Bubba has had a sudden attraction to watching movies on my husband and I's computers. She will get her blanket, the toy of the day, her juice cup and then crawl up into the office chair loudly demanding that "Bubba watch ____ (usually the movie Cars) on the compute!"

Of course my husband being the computer nerd that he is, smiles from ear to ear and says, "THAT'S my girl." I know by the time my daughter is 5 SHE will be the one fixing MY computer when it fails to do whatever I want.

We thought that maybe Bubba's love for the computer would wear off... wouldnt it be more fun to watch a movie in the living room? On the couch. Wrapped in a blanket? Oh no. Not this Bubba. So we switch her from computer to computer depending on what my husband or I need on our own computer. That can be quite frustrating for us and Bubba. In the 30 seconds it takes to switch her around she will throw the fit of the CENTURY and scream and kick because WE INTERRUPTED HER! How DARE us.

We have been contemplating setting up a computer for her. We have enough spare parts to put together a computer that would be more than adequate for her. My daughter. At 2. With her own computer. Yeah. We live in a different world than when I was TWO!

The only part we didnt have for her computer was a monitor. So we have been looking around and hoping to pick up a cheap one. And I have been looking for a desk or something similar for her to have her computer on. Then we made a startling realization.

Hello. Does she really NEED an entire computer? So when we saw this TV. Saw that it was a Spongebob TV. We knew we hit pay dirt. So to further the theme... we saw this table and chair set. OMG. Spongebob everything!! We were in heaven!!

And of course so is Bubba. Pure. Unadulterated Spongebob heaven. (And I tell you, those little chairs are like THE CUTEST THING EVER!) Oh how she shrieked! And exclaimed "BongeBob TV?! Bongebob sit down! TWO Bongebob sit down! Bongebob table!" So now she is set up in the office with Mr. Bubba and I and she has brought in all of her little toys to sit with her and she makes sure they are all lined up! and in order! to watch Bongebob! TV!

And you know whats sad as I look at those particular toys. About 95% of them are from McDonald's happy meals. JeezSUS. She really IS spoiled rotten. Cause just about every time we pass those Golden Arches she says "FREN FRY!! BUBBA FREN FRY! Bubba HUNgry!" And we go. Like obedient parents. Barf.


Posted by and rudeness at 7:25 PM
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and Flickr.
and prior rudeness.
and daily rudeness.
and cool rudeness.
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