to my blog.
I am a girl named Ryan.
Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.
If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.
and about rudeness.
and rudeness
of the week.
fastlane rudeness.
You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.
and rudeness.
and old rudeness.
and find rudeness.

Getting it right from the start.
Bubba was definatly a surprise for the hubbie and I. And when I say "surprise" I mean that our lives were alittle bit crazy at that moment in time. We weren't married. We were living with 4 roomates and 4 animals. We weren't married. Neither of us had jobs. He had never met my parents. We weren't married. I was two semesters away from graduating from college and Mr. Bubba had no schooling beyond high school. (Not that this was a bad thing, he WANTED to go to school and we thought it was going to be out of the question.) We were broke. And heaven forbid that we werent married. (The married thing, was what I thought would send my parents over the edge when I told them I was pregnant AND jobless AND broke!) It did.

We knew we were in love. We had already planned to get married... I figured the next step was meeting my parents... not calling them to tell them they would be GRANDparents.

Regardless, as we sat that night on our bed with a notebook and pen, we made a plan. All of the above said things of course dominated our cons list BUT we had to make some changes. And quick. We had TEN months. (Right? Mrs. Flinger?) We also turned our plan into a 5 year mission.

The final stretch of our five year plan includes the husband completing his schooling. Next year this time he will have his Bachelors in Game Art and Design. Then we are moving to Dallas where BOTH of us can find good paying jobs in our fields. And be close to family. YEAH.

(Wow... I have taken you on a wild roller coaster to this point... the whole reason for the post... Stay with me... I've been giving you background...)

Over this past month I have been doing alot of looking back and realizing that DAMN we HAVE come far. I think we might actually have a chance to make it! And then I started to wonder... Lately with all the I can't take Depo anymore, I'm allergic to condoms, should my husband get a vascetomy talk I started really thinking if I truely didnt want anymore little Bubbas. Yeah, you think its normal for a woman to say...

But I have been saying now for two years that I NEVER EVER WANT ANOTHER ONE, DONT WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN and have truly felt that those were my accurate feelings. I literally about slapped myself when I took myself down the "Do I want another" road. So I invited Mr. Bubba down the road as well.

The thing is we have been pretty damn sure that Bubba would be our only one. We could spend more time with her, give her the attention she needed and be able to give her more if it was only her. I have told countless people that Bubba was our "one and only" and even argued the point with family members, co-workers and friends. "You just wait a couple years Ryan and you will want another one." Whatever.

Yet, here we are. When I brought this subject up with Mr. Bubba he was a tad bit surprised but to my amazement he said, "Yeah, I always wanted 2 or 3." Have I pounded that Bubba is the "one and only" into my husband that he began to believe we would never have anymore? As we played through a list of would we, could we, can we have another baby I was getting a little excited. And scared. And terrified. And happy. And scared.

Before I had Bubba, I had had NO desire to have children. And as I have agrued the "One is Enough" arguement into everyone I know... I feel like I am not complete. Like our family is not complete. Now, granted I have only been having these feelings for about a month, and things could change. But I think when Mr. Bubba and I do our next "Five Year Plan"... another little Bubba might be in the list. We would definatly be in a better place. A world better than when we found out Bubba was on the way. But Bubba turned out perfect. And I wouldn't change a thing.
Posted by and rudeness at 7:33 PM
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But that's what I meant.
ME: I would really like to get some chai tea tapes.

Mr. BUBBA: Uh-huh. Yeah, I'd do tai chi with you.

ME: What did I just say?

Mr. BUBBA: Well, what you SAID or MEANT?

ME: Apparently I want to drink chai tea and do tai chi.

Mr. BUBBA: **rolls eyes** RIIIIGHT.
Posted by and rudeness at 7:55 PM
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Not a day goes by...
... that I actually even start to believe for a split second that time heals a broken heart. Not one bit.

On January 2, 2003 my grandfather passed away after a long and drawn out battle with life. A week before that I had found out I was pregnant. I like to believe that he heard me tell him. I would do anything to have had him hold her. Just once.

On July 27, 2005 my grandmother without any warning passed away, on her way out the door to a doctors appointment. Just 4 days after seeing Bubba walk for the first time.

I miss them both so much. And it keeps getting harder. Especially coming into the holidays... My grandfather would be engrossed in hunting and my grandmother, baking away in the kitchen.

Going to visit my grandparents was always such a treat. And I dont just mean all the goodies grandma baked. The stories. The smells. The warmth. The love. Everything was genuine. I wish that I had soaked more of them in. Hung onto every word a little harder. Stayed that extra half an hour or called just because more often.

I did learn a lot from them while they were living and I continue to do so in their absence. That family is everything and life is short. Make the most of life and definatly at all costs... go out on a limb. And never look back.

Forever loved. Forever missed. And never forgotten. I love you grandma and grandpa.
Posted by and rudeness at 8:24 PM
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Why my husband shakes his head at the thought of my families genes rubbing off on Bubba.
Bubba: *points to my sister* Bwown currcle?

Sister: RYAN! Your daughter is pointing at the mole on my neck and saying BROWN CIRCLE!

Me: *turns to Bubba* Bubba, that would be a H A I R Y brown circle.

Bubba: Haarrrie bwown cuuurcle! Haarrrie bwown cuuurcle!


Posted by and rudeness at 7:48 PM
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Allergic to sex? What's next?!
In 1999 I stumbled upon a startling realization. I was allergic to bananas. And let me tell you, this did not make me too happy. My chocolate-peanut butter-banana smoothies would never be the same.

Every once in awhile I would test things out and have a banana or something with bananas in it. Only to realize quickly that I was truly allergic. My mouth would break out into sores, my gums would bleed and my throat would swell. Instantly. Okay, I get the idea.

Never having an allergy before and just thinking I was a freak, I strayed from the banana lovin' and continued on with life.

It wasnt until I was pregnant with Bubba that I first let a doctor know that I was allergic to bananas. I felt silly letting her know but she was immediately worried. Asking me a volley of questions lead to a label in my chart and an allergy that was now "official."

Being allergic to bananas meant that it was highly likely I was allergic to latex as well. Yeah, lets put in the chart then that there will be NO form of latex going ANYWHERE NEAR my woohaa upon birth. Thank you. Ahem.

Over the next couple of years I have noticed that kiwi and walnuts are starting to bother me as well. I am careful with tomatoes and avacado and am beginning to realize that I am becoming allergic to alot of things I love!!

Then this past week I made a INCREDIBLY frustrating discovery... latex condoms have now been added to the death list. DAMNITALLTOHELL! I had never noticed a reaction to latex before this. When I called my doctor, I had to go through the nurse first. I just knew she was scribbling on a pad my every word but when translated to the doctor it sounded like, "Yeah, Ryan AGAIN... no, not about her daughter... it's her this time... yeah, she says she's allergic to sex. What do you want me to tell her?... To stop immedatley?"

I also started making some other associations. My gums often hurt and are tender in the morning and before bed. Hello little rubber things on the sides of my toothbrush. So much for extra tarter control. GONE!

Everytime you have a reaction, it gets worse. So now I am to the stage in this allergy process where my doctor would like me to come in for further tests and possibly get an injectable epinephrine to carry at all times and wear a MedicAlert braclet. Just in case.

Am I the only one here? Anyone else want to get in the allergy boat with me? The can't-have-sex-with-banana-nut-flavored-condoms boat?
Posted by and rudeness at 6:07 PM
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Toy, $1.37... Laughter, PRICELESS.
I am continually amazed that the simplest of things will entertain my daughter for HOURS, sometimes even days.

This afternoons weapon of choice was a quick grab at the store that netted my daughter and I atleast an hour of solid play time. I am surprised that neither one of us passed out. (The night is still young.)

So, if you havent tried out this quick and easy toy, please do! And enjoy!


Posted by and rudeness at 5:38 PM
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Thanksgiving here and gone already. Damn. I hope everyone ate way more than they should have, I know I did, and had some good "quality" family time. Less the stress, running around and the constant plan making and REmaking, I think things went over very well this year. Bubba still doesn't really understand the entire concept of the "holidays" yet but she SURE LOVES being the center of attention.

She preformed beautifully for the last couple of days making my heart melt a thousand times over and spreading plenty of laughter. Can that girl laugh. I pressured her to say gobble gobble atleast 46.783 times a minutes... and she would start singing "GOOOBER GOOOOBER GOBBIE!"

So today we are getting the christmas tree, decorating it, taking family pictures and trying to force our way through some more leftovers. (Oh bummer.)


Posted by and rudeness at 10:52 AM
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So ungrateful.
Yesterday morning around 10am my boss asked me how much overtime I had and let me know I would be using all of it THAT DAY. Wow. Okay. I'm leaving at 12:30 then. SWEEEET!

As I began to write a mental list of all the things I wanted to get accomplished with my afternoon off, I was excited to realize that there was nothing pressing. I would be able to spend the afternoon with my family. SWEEEET!

And then I got the phonecall. My Dad was on his way up to see us and he wanted "to get some things done." Barnicles.

My. father. When he wants to get some things done... Holy Mother of Christ. Usually this entales hours of eyerolling (on my part), corny high fives and shit-tons of frustration. He always has the best intentions. Just ALWAYS at the wrong times.

So unexpectedly my dad and husband are outside building a deck FOR EIGHT HOURS on my day off as I run around the house realizing that nothing pressing has turned into washing dishes, laundry, vaccumming and tidying up. No need in my Dad relaying back to my Mom that I am a slob, unannounced. Bubba was quite wound up and very vocal all afternoon. It seemed like everything I picked up - she undid. Every outfit change required two more. And WHY IN THE WORLD ISNT DORA THE EXPLORER ON 24/7?

And then all of a sudden its 9pm. I am cranky. Pissed off. Tired as hell. Eating frozen pizza. And my Mom is angry as hell that Dad isnt home. And didnt call her either! (MEN!!)

I had mentioned when we moved into our new place at the beginning of the month that it would be nice to have a little deck to put our chairs and table on. And figured with winter on the way, it was a project that would wait until next summer. Oh no.

My Dad got a wild hair on HIS day off and figured it was the perfect time to fulfill my dreams of "a little deck out front." Could I see that his intentions were pure? Hell no. He ruined MY perfect day. Or so I thought. It wasnt until today when I looked at the deck and realized how awesome it was, that I got alittle teary that it meant THAT MUCH to him to help us out.

My Dad rocks. It just took me awhile to figure it out. But next time I have a sudden afternoon off... I'm not answering my phone if its Dad. *wink*
Posted by and rudeness at 11:10 PM
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Once, I was a "bad girl"...
ONCE. And only once that is. **wink wink**

Back in the day I swear I am the reason detention was invented. I still to this day have no idea how I managed to get out of so many days of school without a dent to my record. I mean, I NEVER missed, skipped or lied my way out of a class, homework assignment or entire day of school. EVA. And I hope my little Angel learns from her Momma and never ever EVER does anything I did or she will be growned from the rest of her life and never ever eva be able to leave her room until she is 40.


So I was thrilled to come across this list and pray that I was a little smarter about my "absences."

(Thanks again www.snopes.com)
Some excuses received by high school attendance offices in notes from parents.

Dear school: Pleas exkuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.

Chris have an acre in his side.

Mary could not come to school because she was bother by very close veins.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

I kape Billie home because she had to Christmas shopping because I didn't no what size she wear.

John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

Please excuse Gloria, She been sick and under the doctor.

My son is under the doctor's care and could not take fizacal ed. Please execute him.

Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a gang over.

Please excuse Blanch from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.

Please excuse Joyce from jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Joey Friday, he had loose vowels.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football, he was hurt in the growing part.

My daughter wouldn't come to school Monday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with some Marines.

Please excuse Sandra from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps [cramps].

Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour trout [sore throat].

Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday because he had the fuel [flu].

Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.

Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever.

There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.

Please forgive Clarence for being absent from school the past few days. He was home sick from an operation. He had penis trouble and had to be serpent sized.

The basement of our house got flooded where the children sleep so they had to be evaporated.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah.. diahoah.. dyah.. the shits.


Posted by and rudeness at 9:54 PM
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My car is in there somewhere.


And it fell FAST!! Guess Fall is over.

Anyone else get the fluffy stuff?
Posted by and rudeness at 9:20 PM
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The brake on my life is broken.
Since I was born I have lived for the future. Starting, I am sure, with waiting anxious to drink from a bottle, eat solids or potty train. Hell, I did THAT at 17 months.

When I was 12, I couldnt wait to be 13. OH TO BE A TEEN! The responsiblity. Mine. The rules. Gone. I would be a teenager. That's right baby! Teenagers didnt have rules. Teenagers could stay up late. Have "cool" parties. And be invited to them. Oh, to be 13.
When I was 13, I couldnt wait to be 14. A highschooler. Hell yeah. I cant wait. Boys. Boys. Boys. Oh, to be 14.
When I was 14 & 15, I couldnt wait to be 16. Oh, to drive and "sixteen" just sounded mature. 16 was the magic number. I would be my OWN person.
When I was 16, I couldnt wait to be 17. Cause 16 didnt turn out to be as cool. And seventeen year olders were soooo cool. Oh, to be 17.
When I was 17... forget 17, EIGHTEEN! Oh yeah. Move outta here. Get outta freaking stupid high school. Have my own place. YAHHHOOOOOO!! Come ON 18!

Catching the pattern? I have a big problem staying with the moment. There is always something that is "coming up" or that "I cant hardly wait for". 24 was funny though. Amazing when you cant wait to be 25 so you can rent a car without paying ASTRONOMICAL prices!

So even to this day I try so hard to live in the now. Today. This second. But then Murphy comes along, and you know how much we get along. Whenever something goes astray I wish for a better time. A better place in my life were things like "this" or "that" wont happen.

Recently? My husbands computer blew up. Yes, the damn power supply caught. on. fire. This coming months after one of his RAM chips blew. Fried. Gone. Suddenly our entire world spins out of control. Money for that? Money for this? Its never there, and when it is, its never enough.

So as my husband and I rearrange our lives to come up with a $75 bandaid to fix his computer, I wish for the future. Out countdown to a new life. My new life, my future craving is to move out of here. Move to a place were you get paid what you are worth. To live in a place that will allow us to not worry anymore.

Four years ago my husband and I made a 5 year plan. Only one more year left and we will be there. Of course sliding into home is the hardest stretch. I hope I can enjoy the ride and remember to live for now.


Posted by and rudeness at 9:47 PM
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Branded for life.
This week we have been babysitting my parents dog. Java. Their dog is something else. A terror. A digger. An escape artist. A destroyer. Yet a lover. Bubba is always so thrilled to have a "DOGGEEEE" around. The dog gets more hugs than me or husband COMBINED when Java is here. Yeah, and I am jealous. (Maybe not hairy enough?)

Throughout the last year we have gone through two stages. 1. We are DEFINATELY getting Bubba a cat. and 2. We are DEFINATELY getting Bubba a dog.

She has been stuck on everything DOGGEEE for quite awhile now and we thought that is what we really wanted to get. However, dogs are a ton of work. A ton. I personally am a dog lover. Mr Bubba, dirty cat lover all the way.

When Bubba was born we had 2 dogs. A great pyrenese (Noah) and a standard poodle (Connor). Both larger dogs, with Noah weighing about 110 pounds! I had had them before Mr. Bubba and I got together for about 3 years. They were my boys. When we moved to Wisconsin and settled into our duplex, we realized we just didn't have the space and time to take care of them the way they needed. Bubba was 3 months old when a friend of my parents, that had a farm, took the boys in and welcomed them as her own. Both of them were incredibly happy and finally had the space and love they needed.

But I was a wreck. And relieved at the same time. It always drove me crazy when people would give up their animals just because they had a baby. It literally pissed me off and now, I obviously understand. But I still feel guilty to this day that I basically gave up my boys. So when I think about getting an animal, I feel like shit. If I walk into the Humane Society they'll kick me out into the street. Don't give this woman an animal, she'll just give it up.

I know we will atleast wait another year before getting an animal. And probably a cat. Or a smaller doggeee. I just get so anxious thinking about it.
Posted by and rudeness at 2:59 PM
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A new house, A new outlook
Now that we are two weeks into the new house I am finally starting to relax. Boxes are gone. Things are in place. Revisions are constantly being made but for the most part... we are all moved in. And it feels wonderful.

I am amazed at how quickly I was able to just "shut off" my feelings for our previous house. What a nightmare that duplex had become. Such a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. And if I had any advice that I thought was full of wisdom and warning: NEVER EVER and I mean EVER! rent from family. Don't. do. business. with. family. EVER.

Am I making my self clear enough?


Now that we understand, we can move on.

Our new apartment is much brighter. Seemlingly much cleaner. And with a 400 square foot living room... ROOMY. Bubba (and Daddy) just love having a great space to run and play. I was really worried for awhile that Bubba wouldnt adjust well to the move. But nope. She is a trooper.
Posted by and rudeness at 2:20 PM
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So apparently I am not the computer geek that I thought I was... there is a website out there that seems to be fairly popular (and for quite awhile I must add) and I knew nothing about it.

Tisk. Tisk.

However, my husband hadn't heard anything of it either. So I guess it didn't exist until today. Have fun and check it out! You'll enjoy. There is some great stuff you'll find. And some of it will shock you! I do recommend not opening it at work. It's addicting. And you'll waste half the day looking at it. And get nothing done.

But I am just assuming.

To give you a preview of some of the things I found... here is a little humor. Enjoy!
Thanks snopes.com!

The following are reputed to be actual statements found on insurance claim forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words:

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother in law and headed over the embankment.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for a plant all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident and damage my big end.

As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I stuck a pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, stuck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. So I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out the way when I struck the front end.

The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.

I knocked over a man, he admitted it was his fault as he'd been knocked over before.


Posted by and rudeness at 11:01 PM
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and Flickr.
and prior rudeness.
and daily rudeness.
and cool rudeness.
My site was nominated for Best Parenting Blog!
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