to my blog.
I am a girl named Ryan.
Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.
If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.
and about rudeness.
and rudeness
of the week.
fastlane rudeness.
You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.
and rudeness.
and old rudeness.
and find rudeness.

In rememberance...
I am taking some lines from another posts I did last year because I feel that I cant put some the these words any better than I did then.

Not a day goes by that I actually even start to believe for a split second that time heals a broken heart. Not one bit.

On July 27, 2005 my grandmother without any warning passed away, on her way out the door to a doctors appointment. Just 4 days after seeing Bubba walk for the first time.

When I see monarch butterfly I always think of my grandma. There was no tie to her and this butterfly in the real world, the day of her funeral one followed me around. In moments when I find it unbearable to think of her without breaking into tears, I see one. And I think of her. And it comforts me.

At my darkest times. I see one.

At my happiest times. I see one.

There always seems to be one flying around... right when I need it. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is her... making sure that I am okay.

I love you grandma. Always and forever. Until the end of time. Until I can join you again and we can laugh over coffee and catch up on all the soaps... oh, and bake some cookies!
Posted by and rudeness at 7:52 AM
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My concept of "Normal" has changed.
The days have just been flying by. I have started this annoying habit of forgetting what day it is all together and saying things like, "Have a great weekend!" on a Tuesday or "Arent you so glad it is Friday?!" on Sunday. My husband just shakes his head and I am more than 100% sure that he is thinking, "Thats my wife! Cant remember what day it is. But at least she remembers to wear pants in public and 9.7 out of 10 times has on a bra!"

Oy vay.

And speaking of meds!... I am into week 3 of yet another medication my doctors in Madison thought would be a good idea to try. My sister went with me at the beginning of July, just days after coming home from Austria, to met all of the doctors that had promised her to keep me alive. (And really, I dont mean to make it sound like the doctors were forcing anything on me... I was still having a lot of migraines and problems that lead them to believe the next step was to be on a daily migraine preventative.)

This particular medicine has sent me on quite a ride. It is one of those that you cant just jump into. You have to gradually work your way up to a full dose. And due to my bodies lack of tolerance to anything drug related (yes, I was a very cheap date back in the day... 3 beers... I AM DRUNK!) I will not even be on the full dose once I reach what my "full dose" will be. By the way... just because I am was a cheap date... didnt mean I was easy.

Just wanted to make that clear.

When the Neurologist was running through the 5 options I had for medications, I was quite stunned at my choices.

1. Dont get pregnant. Possibility of SEVERE BIRTH DEFECTS. Uhm... ok. HELL NO.

2. Slurred speech. Blurred vision. Slower thought process and possible temporary loss of short term memory.
Well, jesus Christ... HELL THE F NO! I have some of those problems already... lets not make them WORSE!

3. Its actually an antidepressant. Could make you really tired. Possible weight gain. YIKES! Husband would probably like the antidepressant part but WEIGHT! GAIN! PLEASE NO!

4. You wont sweat. You will have dry mouth. You will need to make sure and stay hydrated. Drink lots of water. And may lose weight. I'm sorry. What was that last thing again? Cause I thought you said lose weight?

5. This one will lower your blood pressure a little. So you will have to be careful standing quickly or lifting anything heavy. Dont want you passing out. Oh, good thing I dont have a TODDLER or anything doctor.

So, you can imagine which one I chose. HELLO! losing some weight!! When he left the room to get his prescription pad other than making google eyes at my neurologist and dry humping the air (okay, so he is darn sexy!) my sister was like, can I have a messed up brain too, you bitch?!

Okay, so la-dee-dah-dee-da lucky me. Lets fast forward a couple weeks and set a couple things straight. There were a few things that my sexy neurologist DIDNT inform me. A couple days into my new weight lose wonder drug... I mean... migraine preventative, I noticed that I was constantly thirsty. And I am not just talking a little sip here and there. I am talking DOWNING AN ENTIRE 20 oz. bottle of water in one breath. ONE BREATH! Like 10 of those a day. Which ok. I need to drink water.

But I think I have tripled my toilet paper budget for the month. I am scared to see my water bill.

My arms and legs easily go numb. And are always tingly. I didnt think too much of it but once I hit the second week of my medication and my increased dose... and I was sitting at work, doing my normal everyday things when my face went numb. Okay. Freaky. I got out my nuerologists number. Then it felt like BUGS were crawling all over my face! OMG! It freaked me the HELL OUT! So I called him up. Finally got through... and his response?

Oh yeah, thats normal. Its a side effect. Lets keep you at this dose another week. Drink a lot more water. And try and take in more potassium in your diet.


Oh, good. Cause damn. I felt a little crazy there...

The more I started looking into this medication, I started seeing that DAMN! there are a lot of side effects that are pretty freaky.

More common side effects may include: abdominal pain, abnormal coordination, abnormal vision, agitation, anxiety, hallucinations, headache, hearing difficulties, hot flushes, hyperactivity, impotence, increased sweating, involuntary muscle movement, irritable bladder, joint pain, kidney stones, loss of balance, loss of consciousness, low sex drive, mood swings, confusion, constipation, depression, difficulty with concentration, difficulty with memory, dizziness, menstrual problems, mood problems, nausea, nervousness, muscle ache, muscle tension, muscle weakness, nosebleeds, painful or difficult urination, personality problems, appetite loss, back pain, breast pain, chest pain, double vision, drowsiness, fatigue, flu-like symptoms, indigestion, language problems, leg pain, loss of coordination, nose inflammation, rash, sinusitis, slowing of movements, sore throat, speech problems, tingling or burning sensations, tremors, weakness, weight loss.

Long list huh? I am not saying that I have all of them. But I have noticed some of them. Slighty. And I cant expect everything to be trumpets and rainbows when taking medicine but at a couple points over the last few weeks I felt a little "off" to say the least. (Like, I dont want to go into crazy detail or anything either but I had my freaking period TWICE in the last 3 weeks as well. NOT COOL!)

However, on a happier note, I had another neurology appointment just a couple days ago with a doctor who is much closer to home. YEAH! This appointment was more of a "Hi. Nice to meet you. We know everything that is wrong, but I dont like driving so far away. Wanna take a look inside my crazy head and give me prescriptions whenever I need them? Oh, and can I call you when weird stuff happens to me. Like it feels like I have bugs crawling all over my face? Thanks."

And at that appointment... when I stepped on the scale... I AM UP TO 29 lbs. LOST!!! Yahoo! I can probably attribute quite a bit of that to my haircut. LOL. Cause I did get quite a bit chopped off. Yeah, that's it... not like all the damn celery, cucumber and carrots I eat had ANYTHING to do with it!

Speaking of haircut... Nailgirl had asked me a couple weeks ago, "Did you straighten your hair?? Cuz I so thought that it was curly like mine." and I thought I would comment back on that! Yeah, I have naturally curly hair, but of course, I have always wanted STRAIGHT! HAIR! So when I first got it cut, I wanted to STRAIGHTEN! it the moment I got home. And when I did, while I liked it... I didnt like it as much as I thought I would.

So I pretty much wear my hair like this all the time!

And you know, there is something funny
about going into the bathroom, with your camera to take pictures of yourself...
It almost seems "dirty."
Posted by and rudeness at 8:27 PM
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Feeling the love... even though I have been busy as heck.
Things have been so crazy around my house lately (ie. Bubba being so darn needy, sister coming home, construction, vehicle woes, dishes, vacuuming, laundry... damn laundry, work, doctors visits... you name it... its gotta be done and its gotta be done RIGHT! NOW!) and I just havent had any time for... well... anything... pretty much anything other than the essentials, which leaves me with no time to do any fun stuff like PLAY WITH MY NEW HAIR...

...OR blogging, and that means posting... and I am sure you are all tired of coming over here to be disappointed day in and day out to see that I havent posted anything new or anything of real substance in like, what, WEEKS? And I have been feeling really bad for being a bad commenter/reader on everyones elses blogs for... uhm... what... WEEKS?! So I have been really trying hard to spend a good amount of time catching up with each of you personally. No serious. Go check your stats. I'm the stalker. You see the 37 page views? And the same IP like 10 times in a row? Cause I was in your flickr... out of flickr... clicked on a link... back a page... forward a page... you know what I am talking about...

Edited to Add: Sadly I started this post 6 days ago... really sad huh? So I am once again catching up but the funny part... everything up to this point... Is STILL true!!! Jesus!


What I am trying to get at? I was over loving all over the Mommy Chronicles this evening (6 days ago) when I saw that she gave me this 10 DAYS AGO (now 16):

And I am honored! And I am appreciative! And I totally blushed! And then I was like... Man, I totally suck. And then I left her a comment that pretty much said what I just said above but I think I used the word totally about 300 more times than that with an ungodly amount of explanation points.

But I feel like I totally suck because, damn. 10 days ago. I wasnt even there to receive my prize when she handed them out. And she got out the sparkly confetti and EVERYTHING. So thank you girl. YOU! TOTALLY! ROCK! And I am honored that you think I rock. Cause really? I think YOU ROCK WAAAAY more than I do!!

So thank you! So much!

And I promise to everyone if you come back soon, I will have something of SUBSTANCE to read. Cause I have a few things brewing...

Posted by and rudeness at 12:05 AM
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It's not always all about me... I promise.
Here I have been talking about my new haircut... which by the way... I STILL ABSOLUTELY LOVE!!... and I forgot to mention that I got my little Bubbas haircut again as well. And boy is she ever a cutie. And when I got the camera out and told her I wanted to take a picture of her new haircut, I was AMAZED when she even looked RIGHT at me AND smiled. Cause normally? She closes her eyes, scrunches up her face and says NO! PICKA-TURES! MOMMA!


Posted by and rudeness at 6:29 AM
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Random things heard from our household yesterday
Bubba: "I want macaroni and cheese for breakfast!"
And you know what... that is EXACTLY what she had too.

Me to Husband: "I need to pick up Q-tips and ketchup from the store... think I should buy some condoms too and freak out the cashier AGAIN?"
I swear, I buy the weirdest shit together sometimes. And its not really planned that way. Its usually the 2 or 3 things I forget and have to go back for. Cause I NEVER get everything I need to first go round. Can I get an amen to that?

Bubba: "Momma, I wanna go to college."
I dont know where she got this phrase. Or when she learned the word "college" but she reassured me about 4.8 million times she was going to CAAAH-llege. She makes me so proud!

Husband: "...then we will just put our all of our savings towards Target."
That's right girls. THATS EXACTLY WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO HEAR! Especially when sitting down and working on the bills.

Me to my Mechanic: "Yeah, I could drive my other car but I feel like a sexy soccer Mom in my van."
Do I need to explain myself on this one?
Posted by and rudeness at 7:01 AM
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You'll never find a dull moment around here
I am just amazed at the craziest and silliest things that my daughter does. Finds. Gets into. And does. She will find the oddest thing, plop it on her head and run around for hours calling herself whatever making me laugh hysterically even though I am desperately trying to, say, get her to eat or take a nap. You know, those annoying things Mom's are always trying to get their kids to do.

And I know I am not alone here,
when you are trying so hard to be STERN! and FIRM! but you crack a little laugh or mix your words and have to throw your hands in the air and walk away cause how can you be serious! when your child has opened up a packet of taco seasoning and has it smeared all over their face and hair?

So since I have been staying home more during the week, I have been trying to get more pictures of Bubba's extreme "silliness" and while unfortunately I dont have the TACO SEASONING PACKET FIASCO OF 2007 I have captured a few other moments...

My cousin sent me these socks for Christmas and
Bubba wore them all day calling herself Bubba! Big! Socks!

One morning I found her like this...
I am NEVER going to be ready for her to be in a toddler bed!

This is Bubba's version of helping me with the laundry.
And every time I told her to get down,
and then I stepped out of the room.
There she was AGAIN. Saying, "Momma! I! HELP!"

At the park... We must have stuck our tongues out at each other for...
and giggled the whole time.
Cause that is just the FUNNIEST THING EVA!


Posted by and rudeness at 10:00 PM
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Making sure THIS post FOLLOWED the post about my sweet innocent little Angel of a daughter so it didnt SEEM so bad to be a R-RATED Blog
I was over visiting Life Unscripted's blog (And GAWWD I just LOOVE her... if you havent been there, GET THERE!) this evening and realized that SOMEHOW I never noticed this cool "test" she did so I hopped right on the bandwagon... cause everyone knows I am a group following cliff jumper! and my results were that:

Free Online Dating

Am I hurt? Am I crushed?

Did I know this is exactly what it would say? Am I nodding my head yes so hard it is about to fall off? YES MA'AM I AM!

What surprised me was the REASON/WORDS that made my blog R-Rated:

hell (9x) , sex (3x), ass (2x), bitch (1x)

Cause I SO thought I said BITCH way more than THAT and since when did "FUCK" not make the "Top 10 Bad Words to Say in a Blog List?" If it had? My blog would probably be XXX Rated or something.

But whatever...

So I guess to make sure that I can stick up to my R-Rated-ness... I wanted everyone to know that in THIS picture... where I am ONCE AGAIN... as in TWO DAYS IN A ROW... showing off my way cool new haircut... because after 24 hours I am STILL in love with it... I am not wearing ANY pants.

Shame on me.
Posted by and rudeness at 9:30 PM
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You know when...
You finished a HUGE project and don’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything?

Like something is missing…


You rearranged your ENTIRE house (ie “The Furniture”) and THROW OUT a whole bunch of stuff and STILL don’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything?

So, you do that ONE THING you know will more than likely do the trick?

The one thing that will fill “The Hole.”

That’s right girls, you guessed it…


And let me tell yeah, THAT did the trick!

(Now, dear Blogland friends O Mine, I do realize that I really haven't EVER uploaded a picture of myself so you dont have ANYTHING to go off of... in terms of long hair vs. short hair... chopped it all off vs. just got a trim... but trust me this is HUGE. And I am loving it. And feeling great. Apparently GREAT enough to ACTUALLY upload a picture! Cause someone even told me today, "Geez Ryan, those pants are HANGING off of you, How much weight HAVE YOU LOST?" so I am on like the HIGH OF A LIFETIME right now... this moment... today... and I am sure when I come off of it I will be like OMG! DID! I! UPLOAD! THAT! and JEEZ! I have like eighteen trillion chins but right now? THIS is my favorite picture of myself. Even if my eyebrows are COMPLETELY whacked out and in DESPERATE NEED OF A MOWING and it was like 3 MILLION degrees in the bathroom and I had UMPTEEN BILLION little hairs poking me all over from my haircut and I couldnt figure out how in the world to take a picture of MYSELF? Like HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT?! Ahem.)

Okay, I gotta go so I can "play" with my hair.

Posted by and rudeness at 11:03 PM
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About freaking time...
My sister... you know the silly one... the one with the HUGE HAIRY ___...THAT SISTER, she. is. home. FINALLY.

And its about damn time too. Cause right there towards the end I was missing her an awful lot and was calling her quite a bit and always "accidentally" waking her up her up at all hours of the night and morning because I couldnt get through my head that she was like 6 or 7 hours AHEAD of our time.

You know... OUR time... back here... in these here "states."

And after driving five hours with my parents in their tiny little car and talking about Rush Limbaugh and what a sweet little girl I still am (cause somehow I still have my parents fooled) wouldnt you know that little butthead made sure she was the last. one. off. the. damn. plane.

Like right at the point my parents and I were going to have a CONNIPTION FIT thinking my sister never made it out of PARIS, she came strolling down the corridor. And after we ATTACKED her with love and hugs and kisses and smiles and giggles and more hugs the FIRST THING she said was, "SPEAK TO ME IN ENGLISH PLEASE!"

She has been in Austria speaking German for the last six months and was in desperate need of our sexy nasally Yankee English. Apparently. Although I have been told many times, "Ryan, where are you from? You dont have an accent at all?"

What in the hell is that suppose to mean anyways?! I guess the word "Yall" that I slip into every. sentence. I. can. doesnt count for ANYTHING. damnit.

So now that my sister is home I will be doing my best to steal her away from all the important things she is suppose to be doing like finding a job and moving into her new duplex, so we can just hang out, be sisters and catch up on everything. And like I have said before, it was only this last year that my sister and I really started to connect so I fully intent on picking up were we left off. Cause I think before last year the last time I liked her was when we were under the age of ten and making forts all over the house and playing doctor.
Posted by and rudeness at 11:38 PM
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Have a SAFE and HAPPY 4th!!
Posted by and rudeness at 8:57 AM
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Draining my sanity and pocketbook.

If someone were to ask for directions to my house at this moment in time, my directions would consist of phrases like, “Yeah, see that cloud of dust in the air on the horizon? Drive towards that,” or “You’ll come up on a sign that says ROAD CLOSED, ignore it,” or “Make sure you drive far to the left once you turn onto Bumblefuck Avenue, cause you will bottom out otherwise.”

The Great city of Bumblefuck, in which I am currently imprisoned in, thought it would be a fabulous idea to divert traffic from the highway to RIGHT INFRONT OF MY HOUSE. They are tearing up the road and installing new water pipes and shoulders and telephone polls and everything else that highways need and that our highway was currently lacking.

I understand the construction happens. I understand that in order for us here in Bumblefuck to begin to catch up with rest of the world we have to grow. We have to have 2 lane highways with SHOULDERS. And for that, I am willing to applaud my little town for “moving Forward.”




How for the LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY did they think that diverting traffic IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE was a good idea? It is literally the ONLY gravel road in all of Bumblefuck. ONE BLOCK... ONE. SHORT. BEARLY. ONE. LANE. BLOCK. And the road construction diversion of 2007 starts on THIS said block.

In front of my house.

Gravel road.

Lots of extra traffic.


You see where I am going here? Gravel = Dirt. Which equals a very pissed off and annoyed Ryan. All this traffic has created a very large amount of dust in the air. And of course we in Wisconsin are known for our "red gravel." So there is a thick layer of this healthy reddish/orange shit EVERYWHERE. Like lets take a look see at my van. It only took 3 days for it to look like this.

Just straight COVERED in dirt. Sure, I can go get a car wash... and I have gotten several... but that costs money. And I dont have THAT just readily available. And speaking of not having money for all the car washes, I figured I would try this approach:

I got several honks on the WAY to the car wash but the Mayor didnt SUDDENLY appear out of nowhere and fork over any cash. Bastard.

After about a week of the construction beginning I started noticing little things that have even furthered my hate for the road diversion from hell. I have bought more windshield wiper fluid in the last week than I have in 5 years. Like 2 bottles already. Jesus.

And you can see with the picture below... the dirt adds up. Fine layer... QUICKLY.

So combined with the fact that us here in Wisconsin dont believe in air conditioners... I have all the windows in my house open with fans blowing to cool off every square inch of my house. Which of course is only HELPING the dust from OUTSIDE come INSIDE.

It. is. everywhere.

I cant keep my bathroom sink clean. I cant leave my towel from the shower on the back of the bathroom door... cause whats the point in showering if I dry off with DIRT? I cant leave the CLEAN dishes in the dish rack for more than 30 seconds.

I am so tired of dusting. And dusting. I have used all of my cleaning supplies.

I have noticed that my husband, Bubba and I have all had stuffy, runny noses. There goes all the Kleenex.

Then yesterday my husband hands me his BRAND NEW GLASSES and says, "Look at all the scratches?! What in the hell is going on?! My glasses are damn near ruined and I dont understand!!"

Then it clicked.

We both looked at each other with big eyes and said "DAMNIT!" in unison. Yeah, thats right. All the dust in the air... all the dust on our glasses... is also all over our clothing... so we are just GRINDING the dirt right into our glasses when we clean them off.

Nice huh?

All the amount of complaining we have done to the city, my landlord and the police has done NOTHING. There are other ways to divert this traffic. Think they are listening? Of course not! Not to mention that as they have diverted traffic, the city sends out these HUGE trucks to "grate" the road (because... you know... GRAVEL roads become POT HOLE OBSTACLE COURSES FROM HELL with the amount of traffic out there and instead of doing this DAILY why not just divert traffic to a PAVED ROAD?!) and as they do this... the make the road WIDER with each and every day that passes. I can no longer park either of our vehicles perpendicular to the house. We have to park them sideways and just about ON THE FRONT PORCH to keep them from being out in the road.

I am sorry to say this but I doubt this will be the last time you hear about this. It has "infected" every function of my normal day life and I just cant stand it anymore.

Posted by and rudeness at 8:03 AM
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and Flickr.
and prior rudeness.
and daily rudeness.
and cool rudeness.
My site was nominated for Best Parenting Blog!
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