to my blog.
I am a girl named Ryan.
Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.
If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.
and about rudeness.
and rudeness
of the week.
fastlane rudeness.
You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.
and rudeness.
and old rudeness.
and find rudeness.

Jesus... I totally freaked out the cashier today.
I bought only four things...
Why the hell do you think she freaked out?

1. Latex free condoms.
2. KY Warming Sensation Jelly.
3. Sandwich bags.
4. Plastic Pizza Cutter.

I mean, I guess I can see that these particular four items are a little weird put together but you would have thought I bought handcuffs, a knife, the "WARMING SENSATION SEX GEL" and the "CONDOMS THAT ARE USED FOR SEX."

The cashier pulled a plastic bag from the "plastic bag holder thing" and the moment she scanned each item... SHOVED! them into the bag as quickly as possible! Handed it to me... BEFORE I EVEN KNEW THE TOTAL... looked the other way and mumbled something about me "Having a great night."

As I handled her some cash to pay for my WILD NIGHT OF CRAZY WEIRD SEX, I was like, "Oh, those items dont "go" together or anything."
Posted by and rudeness at 8:17 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
Check out this contest!
Shelly is at it again over at This Eclectic Life with her This Blog Blows up My Dress Contest and you should hop on over, read the rules and enter your funniest post on file!!

I have entered this post... after a little editing... darn my effing cursing!
Hope to see you enter something too! And BEST OF LUCK!
Deadline is July 5th at HIGH NOON!
Posted by and rudeness at 7:41 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
Mrs. Flinger totally rocked my world today by nominating me for this:

My site was nominated for Best Parenting Blog!

Mrs. Flinger.


She. nominated. ME!

I didnt think it was possible to love her EVEN MORE.

So, if you feel lead... and I would NEVER FORCE you... please go over and vote for me.

Cause WOW... she nominated me and everything!! And maybe I could work my way higher than PAGE 54 in the list of all the other really cool Parenting Blogs nominated.
Posted by and rudeness at 8:08 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
Always give 100% at Work.

Sounds about right for me. You?
Posted by and rudeness at 8:00 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
Letter of Love
Dear IT,

First of all, I would like to start with a thank you. Thank you for our new computers. Its about fucking time... I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown but you finally came through. I have a new computer at work. Dont mind the fact that it isnt working properly and NOTHING was installed the way it was suppose to be installed... thank you for the new computer.

I mean, the new computers have only been LOCKED away in the server room SINCE FEBRUARY. Dont mind the fact that simple operations on everyone elses computers took 10 minutes while I sat and STARED at my computer for an HOUR or more. I really am grateful. I mean, the days of waiting are over... RIGHT?! Thats what was suppose to happen RIGHT?! I mean, new computers, all the same... should work in HARMONY together, RIGHT?!


Last night when I was trying to get the newspaper sent and the printer kept calling me to tell me "something was wrong" I got REALLY REALLY EFFING IRRITATED when I called you, dear-sweet-SO-HELPFUL-IT and got your VOICEMAIL. I politely begged, "Hi, this is Ryan in Bumblefuck, we are having some preflight issues, its 430pm, I need a call back IMMEDIATELY as this is in reference to GETTING OUR PAPER OUT!" and


Bite me. When you get to work in the morning, you are going to WISH you had called me back. You are going to PRAY TO YOUR GOD and BEG that you could rewind time to call me. You are going to GIVE YOUR FIRST BORN to have called me.

You sons of bitches.

I was at work until 10 o'clock trying to figure things out. Do you like working 15 hour days? Cause I sure the hell dont! But you know what? I am faithful to my work. I stay until it is done.


Maybe you should come and take some notes from me. I have paper waiting.

Sincerely and forever yours,

Posted by and rudeness at 7:15 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
If it was stylish it would actually be a suitcase.
Way, way back when I didnt know much about Blogland... you know, before LIFE started... I saw a purse meme that got me so excited about BLOGLAND! OMG! How cool! that I had a gmail conversation with Mandacakes similiar to this:

Ryan: MANDACAKES! OMG! Check! this! out! Women take pictures OF THEIR PURSES and the contents inside it and then POST IT!

Mandacakes: Yeah, I saw something like that.

Ryan: Thats so neat! We should do it! How fun!

Mandacakes: Ryan. Settle down. You dont even have a blog.

Ryan: But I have a purse!

By the time I got around the getting the blog setup... I had completely forgotten about the purse meme. I have a beautiful memory huh? Something SO! DAMN! EXCITING! and I forgot. However, the other day I was cruising around in Blogland and stumbled upon THIS! A PURSE MEME! OMG! HOW COOL!

And this time girls... I am doing it!

The purse.
I have mentioned her a time or two.
Love. this. purse.

Holy crap...
Maybe I thought it was a little heavy... BUT GOODNESS!
From the side, it appears there was a MOUNTAIN O SHIT in there!

Back in the day this would have been the necessities...
Wallet, phone and keys.

The Gang is all here!

Having a toddler defiantly changes the "Important things" that one must carry.
I have an assortment of things that come with me everywhere.
Candy: When Bubba is whining, HAVE SOME CANDY!
Dora: Bored honey? Here's some toys and LOOK! OMG! ITS DORA!
Gum: Because seriously. Gum rocks.
Mad Libs: While Bubba cant do them, they are great when the husband is antsy.
Then there are the Momma necessities...
Sunglasses: Need I say more?
Notepad: Cause when all of a sudden I remember I need dryer sheets...
I. WRITE. IT. DOWN. Cause I cant rely on myself to remember.


WOW! I have girly stuff all over my purse.
If you like Clinique's Happy, you will love our WANNA PLAY?

I love these hair clippy things but my husband HATES finding them all over the house.
The thing is... You NEVER know when you will need one!
So, have them everywhere!

Damnit. THATS where they all went.

And thanks to this little meme purse loving... I was able to clean my purse out!
Its that grocery receipt from Wal-mart a little re-god-damn-diculous?!

Posted by and rudeness at 3:30 PM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
You think its "Weird" and I am a wreck just thinking about it.
I have talked about my unnatural fear of balloons. And when I saw this... I could only watch about a minute of it before I had to walk away from the computer.

Maybe you will understand now... this is how I feel. And while I deal with it the best I can, others make fun of me. Thats not cool folks. Everyone has fears, this is mine. Leave me alone.

Posted by and rudeness at 7:40 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
Do you think you will comment on this post?
I mentioned the other day I have been easily distracted by Blogland... and well it has been the ENTIRE internet as a whole really. This evening I was out and about and stumbled upon this site. And let me tell you... I wasted a ton of time taking a shitton of tests. I dont want to bore you with all of the tests I took and results cause at times I was completely insulted or surprised at how RIGHT! ON! the answers were... I took a lot of tests. Did I mention that yet?

And of course I believe EVERYTHING. the. internet. tells. me.

So if you hear someone saying this around town... Check to see if she has red hair and immediately starts cracking up afterward.

Your Pick Up Line Is

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your jeans.

Posted by and rudeness at 11:07 PM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
My first internet STD.
Apparently sometime this afternoon when I was innocently going about my day... cause I am. so. innocent... Cakehead hopped on over to my site and infected me with her internet VD, which I am hoping with clear quickly with minimal outbreaks.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
It was the summer I went to Mexico City on a mission trip. I figured because by then I had taken 4½ years of Spanish... I would be just fine in Mexico. No. I was sadly mistaken! Well and the person I took with me knew how to speak GERMAN. We were a pair I tell ya! The only thing I knew how to say and what people understood were "Hi," "Where's the bathroom?" and "I dont understand."

I was also celebrating my one year anniversary at Hardee's and saying good bye to a bunch of friends that were going off to college. And leaving me. All alone.

What were you doing one year ago?
Still taking baths with my daughter and loving every minute of it. Bath time was always our time and we would have so much fun. (When we moved in October last year I started letting her take her own bath... and I miss our time so much.)

I was also still in the honeymoon phase at my current job. That has since faded.

Five snacks you enjoy:
Well my first thought was HELL YEAH CHOCOLATE (particularly Hugs and Butterfingers) but the thing is, I have completely changed my diet in the last couple months so... things have changed a bit. (To say the least.)

1. Plain rice cake with peanut butter,
2. Celery with peanut butter,
3. Sliced Cucumber. Drowned in vinegar and water with salt and pepper. With peanut butter. No I am kidding! It was starting to sound like I couldnt eat anything WITHOUT peanut butter.
4. Strawberries. Strawberries. Strawberries.
5. An orange.

Five songs to which you know all the words:
Does every. single. theme song for every. single. Cartoon Network show count?

1. TLC: Waterfalls
2. Wreckx-n-Effect: Rump Shaker
3. Eminem: Superman
4. Britney Spears: Hit Me Baby One More Time
5. Nelly: Air Force Ones

Jesus, I think I could have made this list even longer. Like... a lot longer. Hundreds of songs longer. I should have listed CD's I know all the lyrics to. Nay, artists I know all the words to.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Move directly to Seattle, no passing go, no collecting $200.
2. Purchase a Volvo XC90 with one. dollar. bills.
3. Pay off my student loans. My husbands student loans. My sisters student loans. And set my daughter up with a very plush You-ARE-going-to-College-MISSY fund. (Cause student loans are such. a. pain. in. the. ass. Can I get an amen?)
4. I would design my dream home and probably throw an elevator in it... just for the hell of it. And also have some crazy ass bathroom that was WAY too big with a whole bunch of crazy cool gadgets and whatnots.
5. I would actually start paying to download music...

Five bad habits:
1. Tearing the skin off around my fingernails.
2. Tearing the skin of the bottom of my feet.
3. Picking my teeth with my fingernails.
4. Wearing flip flops when I ride my bike. (I guess that is more a stupid habit.)
5. Rubbing on my eyes too hard. It just feels so good sometimes...

Five things you like doing:

1. Taking my daughter to the park.
2. Baking.
3. Laundry. Yes, I know I am a FREAK.
4. Riding my bike.
5. Reading.

Five favorite toys:
1. Buzz Lightyear action figure. Gals, it talks! and lights! up! and EVERYTHING!
2. When you are almost 30 does the coffee pot count as a toy? It has enough buttons and settings and cool stuff! And I play with it every. single. day.
3. Uhmmmm...
4. Well...
5. Yeeaaah...

Five things you will never wear again:
1. Four different colors of socks scrunched to my KNEES.
2. Daisy dukes.
3. Reebok high tops. With #1 and without.
4. Leg warmers.

Nah nah nahna... cheee... nahnah...

Need I say more?

Posted by and rudeness at 8:13 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
If you havent heard... This Eclectic Life is currently running a contest called This Blog Blows My Dress Up... hop on over, check out the rules and enter!
Posted by and rudeness at 7:23 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
Oh yeah. Anyone need another addiction?
Here. you. go.
Your welcome.
Posted by and rudeness at 9:02 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
and randomness!
Has it really been a week since I blogged? I am a naughty girl. Trust me though, I have thought about blogging non stop the last couple days... I am just... distracted. Total Blogland distraction. I sit down and before I know it, its been 3 hours and I am all over the place and everywhere other than at my own blog writing about all the crazy cool things that have been going on this past week. Cause let me tell ya, WOW. In order to accomplish a weeks worth of total awesomeness... I bring you my first ever Random Post. Thats right folks. Random is it and TRUST ME random it will be.

-I realized this week that I really do like having my nails and toes painted. I even bought a color that didnt make me look like a slut. My daughter loves the color as well and made sure I knew that it had SPARKLING! DIAMONDS! in it every. single. time. she looked at her nails. And mine. Then she proudly proclaimed that Daddy wasnt "pretty" cause he didnt have any SPARKLING! DIAMONDS! like Momma and her. Cause seriously, ones "prettiness" is found in the color of their nails. I know right?! Who knew? I will ALWAYS... from here on out make sure that my nails are painted... cause that would be the only thing going for me in the pretty department, standing next to my little peanut.

-Speaking of peanut... When my daughter was born and for every check up she had her first year, our doctor always called Bubba peanut... and I swear it always sounded like PENIS.

-My husband has finally realized how wonderful it is the shop, get a shitton of great clothes and look at your receipt to see that the amount you SAVED is more than the amount SPENT. When I go to JCPenney's and come home, the first thing out of my husbands mouth is "How much was it?" My immediate response is usually, "But honey, I SAVED SO MUCH!" I mean really... who cares how much it COST when you save MORE?!

-One night last week some dumbass thought it would be a great idea to set off fireworks RIGHT outside our window. Not just fireworks... MASSIVE fireworks. We are talking the full blown mother effing SHOW! right! there! feet from my bedroom window. So at MIDNIGHT when I was fast asleep, off in dream land with Jack Bauer... and Whitney you were there too but you wouldnt stop crying about the OC... I was RUDELY AND SUDDENLY awoken to what I thought was assault by gunfight. OMG. I thought I was about to die. It was LOUD! It was FLASHY! It was CRAZY! And then Bubba noticed something was going on. And wow that girl can FREAK! OUT! just like her Momma. So I grabbed her and held her and we FREAKED! OUT! together until things calmed down outside. Only for 3 minutes though, cause then another round of ASSAULT AT MIDNIGHT began. Jesus... heres the thing dumbasses... if you are going to spend the money to buy freaking fireworks like that, take them somewhere you can ENJOY them and not FREAK! OUT! poor innocent me and my precious little Bubba. Bastards.

-Is there any belt wearers in the house? Can I see a show of hands? I am a dirty belt wearer. Every. single. day before I decide what shoes I am going to wear and after I put my deodorant on I get my belt. Its an article of clothing to me. I MUST be wearing a belt or I might as well have forgotten to put my shirt on. Call it BELT ADDICTION, call it what you want... I would like to inform the WORLD that a couple months ago I could just get my belt latch onto the FIRST notch... now I take that bitch all the way to the THIRD notch, no problem. Easy peasy. And MAN that feels good!! I think before long... I am going to have to get a smaller belt. You hear me?! A smaller something!!

-Last week one of my girlfriends, Supermom, invited me be a part of her child birthing. And OMG. Let me tell you... that was awwhhsome! I much like being on the other side of the table so to speak and it was neat to see her other children and family anticipate child number four... a little girl. A beautiful and PERFECT little girl.

See how sweet she is in her hospital photo?! She is like a little model!! After she was born and everyone went home, I stayed with Supermom for awhile and when the nurse turned to me and said, "Would you like the help me give her a bath?" I about tripped over myself to the bathroom to quickly wash up as I proclaimed, "WOULD I EVER! IS THAT COOL SUPERMOM!?"

-Twelve hours and 34 minutes later my best friend of all time from high school gave birth to this little angel...

He already looks like he is going to be a smartass huh? Just like her Momma. (I love you girl!) He even peed on me already! And let me tell ya... this little stinker was ALMOST born in the car on the way to the hospital. We are talking full blown 90 mph POLICE ESCORT and all!! They barely got her into a room and out he came!! But that is a wild story for another day... cause DAMN there is alot to say!

-And just for the record... THIS is how my Bubba DIDNT look like a model in her hospital photo. Of course no matter what she is my little model... but I have about 50 digital pictures from the hospital and THIS is the most calm looking one.

-My sister is coming home in NINETEEN DAYS! I. can. hardly. wait. She has been overseas doing the school thing since January and it is about damn time that girl came home. I already have plans for us for the first month she is home. I mean, I know SHE has a boyfriend, is getting a new apartment and has to get a job and all BUT I am getting some SISTER TIME FIRST!

-There is this great stuff by Oregon Chai that I have fallen in love with. Sugar-free Chai. With NO carbs. And no calories. And no fat. See? It just SOUNDS like heaven! So I mix it about a third water, a third milk and a third chai... pure bliss! I have been trying to drink only water or tea on my diet and when you only have TWO options, they both get old really fast. So this has been a great alternative for me and I suggest you look into this stuff... YUMMY!
Posted by and rudeness at 7:32 AM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
There really can be a brighter side to life.
This year has sent me into varying states of emotional, financial and physical turmoil. And when I thought it couldnt get any worse... it did. Again and again. As June begins and my husband and I talk about the future and where we are headed... I am enlightened at the thought that things are really starting to turn around for us. Things are getting better and I am finally at peace about our emotional, financial and physical affairs.

When I found out that I was diagnosed with tortuous dysplastic arteries creating multiple small cerebral aneurysms ... I was a wreck. It seemed that I couldnt wrap my mind about the possibility of something this rare and unique being a ticking time bomb in my very own head. I mean shit... what do you mean I am 1 of 5 cases you have ever seen?!

As time goes by and I have begun to take better care of myself... I have thought less and less about what is really going on up in my head. I dont worry about ruptures, paralysis and bleeding anymore. I am trying to let go and live. Live everyday to the fullest. I have educated myself as much as I can, made lifestyle changes and that is the best I can do.

Financially we went through a rough patch in March... and in March we were still recovering from a rough patch from October. It was feeling like we were up against a financial monster that we would never be able to defeat. But as my husband and I sat and planned out the next couple months... It appears that our current struggles will almost completely dissolve by August. August = Financial Heaven. Yeah!

My husband has just started his third to last semester in school and will graduate in December. And I proudly add as Summa Cum Laude! (Top Honors!) He has done an amazing job and finally found his niche. The thing in life that he loves to do and would do everyday until the end of time. With him graduating and me approaching my third year of experience in my field, we are looking to move again after winter. To a bigger city were jobs in our fields are plentiful and pay well. A place where people pay you what you are worth. Gawd... imagine that!

Then we can begin to save for a house and our ultimate dream... moving to Seattle.

Since Bubba was born my husband and I have always had different views on the way things should work for her. Schedules, naps and feedings have been a constant battle between us. When I went back to work when she was 7 months old, it was something that I simply let go of and let my husband handle. He found the right balance on all fronts that has worked very well for them. And she is the happiest baby I know... so I just went along for the ride and made sure I stuck to the schedule.

When Mr. Bubba went to work part time last month and I started staying home during the week, we began changing her routine again. Instead of Bubba being rocked to sleep we just lay her in her crib, she has started to feed herself and we have her schedule changed to getting up at 930-10am instead of noon-1pm. Now my husband and I are on the same page and working together for the first time on all these small details and it feels great. Before I let him tell me the way things would be and what time for this or that... now we are in harmony on all aspects. Finally!

Its as if I finally feel like I am actually becoming a grown up. And taking care of things the way I am suppose to but not only that, the things that I am taking care of are actually going the way I want them to. I can sit back and let the little things roll right off my back and not bother me as much. And just focus on the important things. The things that really matter most to me. And in that... I have found my peace.
Posted by and rudeness at 2:32 PM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
So. Damn. Cute.
For my birthday, my effing amazing snake killin' Auntie sent me some cash that I put towards an incredibly and totally awesome pair of prescription sunglasses. That I love. And I wear at every. single. chance I can. Because I love them. Did I mention I love them?

Shortly thereafter, as in less than a week, my husband also got himself an awesome pair of prescription sunglasses... and now that we are a prescription sunglassing lovin' couple... Bubba was feeling a little left out. She was constantly wanting a pair of "Bubba glasses! Where Bubba glasses?!" so we promptly went and get her a pair of her very own. (So she would stop crying herself to sleep wondering why we stopped loving her because she didnt have a pair of awesome new sunglasses too.)

And I think she wears her totally rad shades more than we do. Cause it is acceptable and cute to wear them inside, during dinner, in the library, at night, when its raining, with pajamas or to bed. When you are two.

So. Damn. Cute.

The moment I found out that I was having a girl I began dreaming up all the things us two girls would do. Matching outfits... Pigtails... Makeup... painting our nails together... you know... all the "girlie" stuff. Well, one, I dont look good in pink, frilly socks or Size 5 Dora shoes. Two, I look retarded with pigtails and two and a half, Bubba hasnt ever really had enough hair to HAVE pigtails. Three, the whole makeup thing? This girl might have once sold Mary Kay but I just never wear makeup. And I figured a two year old wearing mascara would be a little much. Besides she would want me to wear it with her... and that was a path I didnt want to go down.

So that has left me with painting nails. And being as though she is 2 and a HALF now... I figured it was time to get started. I mean for Christ sake next week she'll be getting her drivers license and leaving for college.

So I purchased some "Dries in 60 seconds!" (yeah, what the fuck ever... 60 seconds my ass) nail polish and started on her pretty little toes. And she made PUNK PINK look like Cinderella-at-the-ball-Pink.
And oooh, how she loves her PINK! TOES! 10 TOES! PINK! TOES! and when she immediately began pestering me about my own toes, I again PROMPTLY complied to her every demand, and finagled my feet somewhere near my head, in some position I never thought I would get out of, so I could paint them.

And I make PUNK PINK look like HOOKER SKANK PINK but my daughter is happy. And that is all that matters.

See? So. Damn. Cute. on her.

The first two times that I took Bubba to get her haircut, I let the hairdresser pretty much do whatever they wanted. I would make suggestions and even though I said, I dont want a bowl cut or anything... that is exactly what it ended up being. A bowl cut.

Bowl cut or not though, she is adorable and it never really bothered me. Now my husband on the other hand... hates the devil worshiping bowl cut look on our daughter. So this most recent visit to get Bubbas haircut, I thought I would be a little more up front about exactly want I wanted in terms of a NON-bowl cut hairstyle.

I want the bangs shorter. Leave the length in the back but give her layers. I would like to see about 2-3 inches of hair length all over her head. No the bangs need to be shorter. And can you trim up around her ears a little more. No a little more.

When we got home my husband was extremely happy to see an actual "style" to our daughters hair and I am quite pleased as well. But it makes her look older. And she cant get "older." Ever.

So. damn. cute. I can hardly stand it.


Posted by and rudeness at 10:48 PM
Post a Comment | Permalink | View Comments
and Flickr.
and prior rudeness.
and daily rudeness.
and cool rudeness.
My site was nominated for Best Parenting Blog!
Add to Technorati Favorites
World Top Blogs - Blog TopSites
Firefox 2
Rockin' Girl Blogger