This year has sent me into varying states of emotional, financial and physical turmoil. And when I thought it couldnt get any worse... it did. Again and again. As June begins and my husband and I talk about the future and where we are headed... I am enlightened at the thought that things are really starting to turn around for us. Things are getting better and I am finally at peace about our emotional, financial and physical affairs.
When I found out that I was diagnosed with tortuous dysplastic arteries creating multiple small cerebral aneurysms ... I was a wreck. It seemed that I couldnt wrap my mind about the possibility of something this rare and unique being a ticking time bomb in my very own head. I mean shit... what do you mean I am 1 of 5 cases you have ever seen?!
As time goes by and I have begun to take better care of myself... I have thought less and less about what is really going on up in my head. I dont worry about ruptures, paralysis and bleeding anymore. I am trying to let go and live. Live everyday to the fullest. I have educated myself as much as I can, made lifestyle changes and that is the best I can do.
Financially we went through a rough patch in March... and in March we were still recovering from a rough patch from October. It was feeling like we were up against a financial monster that we would never be able to defeat. But as my husband and I sat and planned out the next couple months... It appears that our current struggles will almost completely dissolve by August. August = Financial Heaven. Yeah!
My husband has just started his third to last semester in school and will graduate in December. And I proudly add as Summa Cum Laude! (Top Honors!) He has done an amazing job and finally found his niche. The thing in life that he loves to do and would do everyday until the end of time. With him graduating and me approaching my third year of experience in my field, we are looking to move again after winter. To a bigger city were jobs in our fields are plentiful and pay well. A place where people pay you what you are worth. Gawd... imagine that!
Then we can begin to save for a house and our ultimate dream... moving to Seattle.
Since Bubba was born my husband and I have always had different views on the way things should work for her. Schedules, naps and feedings have been a constant battle between us. When I went back to work when she was 7 months old, it was something that I simply let go of and let my husband handle. He found the right balance on all fronts that has worked very well for them. And she is the happiest baby I know... so I just went along for the ride and made sure I stuck to the schedule.
When Mr. Bubba went to work part time last month and I started staying home during the week, we began changing her routine again. Instead of Bubba being rocked to sleep we just lay her in her crib, she has started to feed herself and we have her schedule changed to getting up at 930-10am instead of noon-1pm. Now my husband and I are on the same page and working together for the first time on all these small details and it feels great. Before I let him tell me the way things would be and what time for this or that... now we are in harmony on all aspects. Finally!
Its as if I finally feel like I am actually becoming a grown up. And taking care of things the way I am suppose to but not only that, the things that I am taking care of are actually going the way I want them to. I can sit back and let the little things roll right off my back and not bother me as much. And just focus on the important things. The things that really matter most to me. And in that... I have found my peace.
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There is a lot to be said for things falling into place. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. Bliss even.
And. And. And. Seattle? I go to Seattle several times a year. I graduated from high school in Seattle. My in-laws are near Seattle. All my best girlfriends live in Seattle. You know what this means, right? That when you do discover your ultimate dream of living there in SEATTLE that there will be moments when we will be in the very same city and maybe ... just maybe ... if I'm not too chicken, we might possibly meet up ... and of course if you agree to it.
Would that be the best of the best? Especially because perhaps by then I'll be house trained and will only be humping legs at a minimum. (No promises though.)
Even if it's years off, still fun to imagine.
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| Posted by
Adventures in Baby Fat
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June 03, 2007 9:08 PM
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| Good for you, isn't blissfullness the greatest??
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| Posted by
Denise
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June 03, 2007 11:48 PM
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This is so nice to read -- I'm glad things are looking so good for you!
And I too am interested by the Seattle comment. My BF has family and friends in Seattle (he grew up in western WA) and we usually visit there a couple of times a year. It's also one of the places we're considering moving to when he finished his PhD later this year. So maybe someday... a blogger meetup?? :)
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| Posted by
Heidi
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June 04, 2007 5:46 AM
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| Wow, since I am new to your blog...I had no idea. Good for you for choosing to see the bright side of things. I truly do believe in mind over matter, and I think that a positive attitude can definately help in health and financial matters.
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| Posted by
Natalie
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June 04, 2007 9:35 PM
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Sweetie, I am so happy for you. You have worked SO DAMN HARD and had so many crappy things happen to you over the last several years. You deserve peace and you deserve happiness.
HOWEVER, if you think I'm going to let you move away to Seattle after I finally get you in the SAME CITY I'm living in for the first time in YEARS, well, you're just crazy. Once you're here, I ain't never lettin' you go. Bwahahaha.
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| Posted by
MandaCakes
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June 05, 2007 7:41 AM
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| I'm so glad to hear things are looking up for you! You defininetly deserve it!
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| Posted by
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June 05, 2007 1:26 PM
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Ryan,
You are constant inspiration to me! I am lovin' the new look of your blog and always thrilled when you have a new post.
Love you alot!
Lisa
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| Posted by
BCMS Foundation
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June 06, 2007 8:44 PM
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| That is so wonderful. You deserve a turn around. I love when things just begin to fall into place.
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| Posted by
Jolynn
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June 07, 2007 8:37 AM
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| Lovely post! I'm still waiting for things to turn around for me. :)
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| Posted by
That Chick Over There
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June 07, 2007 4:56 PM
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