to my blog.
I am a girl named Ryan.
Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.
If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.
and about rudeness.
and rudeness
of the week.
fastlane rudeness.
You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.
and rudeness.
and old rudeness.
and find rudeness.

Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.
This week I wanted to talk about color. Color and me. Me and color. AND NO, this isnt some weird way to "come out of the closet" and tell you I am gay. (Even IF I put up a picture of a rainbow... that doesnt symbolize anything... I was doing a little googling and found this photo... Beautiful isnt it?! It's Hawaii.) I just may have a name like Ryan AND be a girl... BUT I LOVE BOYS. Er... I call them boys. I call all MEN boys. (Even my boss I refer to as a "boy.") OMG. I must sound like a freak...

Moving RIGHT along...

My favorite color growing up was purple. EVERY. THING. was. purple. Then as I hit high school my favorite color was green. A dark emerald green. The first car I ever bought... after this incident... was a green Grand AM. And I have pretty much been a lover of the color green since. Blue is right up there at the top. But if it was life or death? My favorite color is green.

Most of my wardrobe is either blue or green. I really try hard to wear red but I think it clashes with my hair. And it makes the pink tint to my face... even more freaking pinkier. I CANNOT, COULDNOT ever even TRY to attempt to wear yellow. Yellow and I? We dont like to wear each other. One bit. But I will say at my high school prom... I wanted to wear a yellow dress sooooo bad.

I have always wanted to have a "Red Room" in my house. Preferably the bedroom but I had to paper, rock, scissors my husband over that. Yeah and well... my "Red Room" is my bathroom. The bedroom is blues and greens. Which overall looks great but its no "Red Room." The bathroom? It took me TWO GODDAMN FREAKING MOTHER FREAKING YEARS to find the perfect! shower curtain. In red. But I must say... it looks FABULOUS with the red towels.

Currently both of my vehicles are champagne colored. No. they. are. not. TAN. I know so because on my vehicle registration? It says champagne. However, to EVERYONE in the universe EXCEPT THE DMV... my vehicles are TAN. McDonalds drive-thru? TAN. Oil change place? TAN. My landlord? TAN. (to be honest though, I dont think many people know how to SPELL champagne.) The weird thing about the whole design of this? I wouldnt purchase champagne colored vehicles if it were my choice. The car? It was a SUPER cheap sweet mother of deal and it was the best looking car on the lot. The van? Well, my parents sold it to me for a dollar two years ago. A DOLLAR?! Hell the freak yeah! (My parents actually gave it to us cause they got a new car but I insisted on paying them. Mom said a dollar. I said "That's right. This bitch KNOWS how to stretch a dollar!") I didnt care if the van had been bright pink with green polka dots. IT WAS A DOLLAR! (Okay, maybe if it HAD been bright pink with green polka dots, I would have said no thanks.)

What's your favorite color?


Posted by and rudeness at 5:01 PM
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Sometimes I forget why I am there.
I have been at my current job just over a year now and the honeymoon phase?... IS GONE. I absolutely love my job. I love what I do. I could just do without half the people. Sometimes I feel like I went to school and spent a shitton of money and time for nothing.

I hate that they treat me like some young kid that doesnt know what they are doing. Is it cause I AM doing what I am suppose to?

Growing up I always and forever had a problem with feeling like I was being treated like a kid. I wont lie, I didnt have it easy as a kid and grew up quite young. I was forced at times to be in situations were I HAD to be older than my age.

I have no ill feelings towards this fact. But when I am treated like a child... boy it irritates the hell out of me. More than anything I hate being talked OVER. And just because I am only 26, doesnt mean I havent been through more than a 40 year old.

Cause trust me, I have lived the life of an 80 year old.
Posted by and rudeness at 11:46 PM
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It. was. time.
I finally took Bubba to get her hair cut. And while yes, she has had her haircut by her Mommy, I took her to get it done professionally. And if starshine lived closer, I would have asked her to do it. Cause she said once "I just refuse to pay the $$$ for someone else to go "snip snip... Thank you, that'll be $20!"

And isnt THAT the truth! However it was snip, snip... thank you that'll be $15, I still felt a little jipped.

Cause my poor little Bubba looked like THIS the entire time.
Like a constipated, wet dog who couldnt BELIEVE this was happening to them.

She REFUSED to look at me as I took pictures.
And I felt guilty taking them.
She looked like she was in sooo much pain.

But she did beautifully and didnt put up a fight.
Like I thought she would.

We were probably only in the salon for about 15 minutes and when she was done, and got a sucker!!... Oh man, was it ever worth it! Sucker! Haircut! Bubba PRITYY! Afterwards I also took her to the store and let her pick out anything she wanted. Which you can do when you go to the Dollar Tree.

At first I wasnt feeling too pleased with her haircut cause I didnt feel like he had taken enough off. But when I was uploading pictures I found one from last week... and theres a big difference!


She was just soooo excited about her haircut.
And as she told her Daddy all about it...
You never would have guessed she hated being at the salon.

Posted by and rudeness at 4:51 PM
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If it LOOKS organized... Is it?
While I love organization, there are times when I am far from organized. To combat this terrible confession... I have mastered organizing my messes. I have a series of bins in my office that I can put my mail and "other junk" in.

Top Bin: Incoming Mail and Junk.
Second Bin: Looked-at-Mail and I-May-Need-this-Junk.
Third Bin: Needs-to-be-Filed-Mail and I-Cant-Throw-Away-Junk.
Fourth Bin: I-Dont-Have-a-Clue-What-to-Do-with-it-Mail and If-its-Here-I-Cant-see-It-Junk.

Once my bins are uncontrollable... I force myself to go through them all. This morning was one of these times. So I told the husband that he needed to sit down with me while Bubba was taking a nap, so we could figure everything out. Might as well get all the bills ready and/or paid. Make a shopping list. Call people. All the fun stuff. Get everything ready so I could call anyone I needed to on Monday. Go to the post office. WHATEVER.

As I was sifting through everything today I was AMAZED at the amount of forms I had to fill out. New patient forms for the dentist. Forms for work. Forms for Badgercare. Forms for the bank. Forms. Forms. FORMS! Remember when there was a time that filling out forms was fun? ...Or maybe I am the only freak here? I used to just love it!

I must have used 6 DIFFERENT pens a form because they kept running out. Oh, that is such a pet peeve of mine. Then I kept putting everything in the wrong place. You know when they put the lines on a form all funny and you actually put the information needed UNDER the line? Yeah, well you can pretty much pull that off until you get to the bottom of the form.

BARNICLES! My hand even cramped a couple of times. How pathetic is THAT!? I am just so used to using a computer for everything... I think I am starting to FORGET how to actually write. And I am still trying to figure out when my writing turned to ALL CAPS. Weird huh? Everything I write is ALL CAPS. WTF. I am sure there is some crazy psychological test out there that says I am a little neurotic and completely insane if I write in all caps.

But we knew that already... didnt we?

So now I have all my forms done. Enveloped. Addressed. And ready to go! I filed a ton of stuff and got my bills for next month all ready to go out. Called the electric company and gave them an arm. I wont give my first born anymore... I have a small list of people to call on Monday and have to stop by the post office. Cause... uhm... small confession... I STILL havent mailed off my Mother-in-Laws christmas presents. Am I awful or what?! I think I am going to put a little Easter lovin' in the box and call it early.

My bins are all set to be filled again. But when its all cleaned out I can see the junk in bin 3 and 4. Batteries, duck tape, a deck of cards?, a couple recipes and a vacuum cleaner belt. Brother...
Posted by and rudeness at 10:51 PM
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A little maintenance.
While I would love to throw my template out and start over... I cant do it cause... I just cant let go. You may not like my template but I am attached to it somehow. So I am trying to make some modifications here and there. If you happen to see anything that looks out of place or really strange. I meant it that way.

No, seriously... please let me know if something looks wrong. Or stupid. Cause I am a lover of "The Feedback."

And speaking of feedback... I just want to know if anyone has ever notice that I put up a little "rudeness of the day?" Have you seen it over at the side? It's my little rant box. Cause while I would love to go on and on about my freaking co-workers or how my husband drives me insane... I try to make my posts upbeat. And leave the venting for my little "rudeness of the day" box. Cause a box has a lid. And I can close that lid. And the rudeness, for the most part, stays in there. I have been trying to figure out how to archive my rudenesses... maybe it is better I dont. Cause who would want to read through a whole BUNCH of bitching?

Wait! Isnt that why, we as women, are in love with blogging?

Anyways... I also finally put up a picture of myself. I was reluctant to in the beginning and I am still a little weirded out that I did it... it is a step for me. However if I was really trying to hide or something? I probably shouldn't have BROAD CASTED to the world that I am a girl named Ryan. Cause there isnt many of us. Have you ever met one... a girl named Ryan?
Posted by and rudeness at 6:35 PM
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Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.
I've mentioned before that I am a dog lover. The hubbie? Dirty cat lover all. the. way. We have to disagree on some things right? In that same previous mentioning I talked about how hard it was for me to make the decision to give my boys a better life than cramped quarters and an infant that we fussed over more than them. So my boys... Noah and Connor... are now on a big, huge farm. Free to run. Play. Dig. Roll in... ew... whatever, and they. love. it. there. and THAT is what makes me so happy.

Noah is the one underneath Connor. If you can see them... lol... I actually got the couch after I had both of them and then realized... they all match! Noah is a mutt but mostly Great Pyrenees while Connor is a full bred Standard Poodle.

While on spring break my first year in college... let me rephrase... technically my second year/attempt at college but my first year when I actually went to school... I decided to get a dog. Growing up we always had animals, and being an animal lover and adult, I figured it was time to get my very own puppy. However, not having done this before... I figured the best place to start? Petsmart.

When I got to Petsmart they told me to go to the local Humane Society for the dogs but if I wanted a kitten?, they had plenty that needed homes. Uhmmm... didnt I just tell you I wanted a DOG. Oh, okay, can I see that cute tabby?

So as I was filling out the adoption papers for the tabby, Nikon, I asked directions to the Humane Society...

Nikon could open the cabinet and get in.
Then close the cabinet.
And gave me a HEART ATTACK EVERY SINGLE TIME I opened the door.

When I got to the Humane Society it took me all of 6.7 seconds to fall in love with Noah. There were 6 puppies in the litter... 5 girls and 1 boy. All the girls were asleep IN the dog igloo and Noah was ON of it just begging me to take him home.

So I fill out the paperwork and was ready to take my little Noah home. As I was getting little scared Noah in the car with totally freaked out Nikon... I realize that I had done this entire process wrong. I mean other than getting a cat ALSO... I hadnt gotten ANY food, litter, toys, treats, collars, brushes... NOTHING. Smart. one. Ryan. (Thank goodness I figured out the whole planning thing by the time Bubba arrived in my life!)

So now I have to head back to Petsmart.

RRRR. RRRR. OMG... my truck? wont? start? OK. RRRRRrrrrr....... flatline. You have GOT to be shitting me. Okay. Dont freak out your already totally freaked out, new animals anymore than they currently are. Okay.

Call a friend. And explain that not only has my truck died and you need to pick me up? I have TWO animals with me. Thank you, please be here in like... NOW. Oh, and we are going to Petsmart too... I dont see you yet?... Where are you?!

My friend saved the day and I got Nikon and Noah home just fine. And with everything I thought my little fuzz balls would need. And more.

The next day I called my hero friend again, to take me to my truck. The piece of crap. So I get to the Humane Society and realize something really strange. Where is my truck? Yep, you got it. Someone. stole. it. My heap-o-junk. All that "they" left of my truck were the papers from the glove box, thrown all over the parking lot. Nice.

When I was filling out Noah's adoption papers
they told me he would be about 60lbs full grown.
At 110lbs, I realized they lied to me.

When I brought Noah home, he and I spent every moment together and with my light school load, we were always together. He went with me everywhere. When my Fall semster started and I became Student Government President and I started working in the Student Activities office... our time was greatly reduced. And he got seperation anxiety. Bad. Very bad.

I would come home to the garabge can and ALL OF ITS CONTENTS in my bed. The litter box ALL OVER THE COUCH. My living room area rug shredded into. little. pieces. all over the house. Then I tried crating him... and all THAT did was drain my bank account. No matter how big and metal and expensive the cage was? He would get out.

When I came home and he had broken out of the cage. Out of the room via a huge HOLE IN THE DOOR and shredded EVERY BLIND on EVERY window... I knew I had to get help. I talked with a vet and he signed me up with a Dog Psychiatrist. Yes, you heard me. A Psychiatrist.

That worked for awhile and then he prescribed Noah a medicine called Clomacom. After a couple months that stopped working. Last resort? Well, Ryan why dont you try getting another dog.

WHAT?! So I can have TWO dogs destroying my house? Sure, absolutely. I will do anything. And thats why I got Connor. He was a surprise happening... I had no idea visiting a friend that I would be bringing home a dog. But it worked out. And Noah IMMEDIATLY calmed down. Sweet.

I miss having animals so much and I hope that sometime this year we can get a puppy. I think it is "time" and Bubba would LOOOOVE a DOGGEEE?! so much.

What kind of animal lover are you? Cat? Dog? Rabbit?


Posted by and rudeness at 10:17 PM
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Playdoh Party at dinner time.
When Mr. Bubba started his gig as a Stay at Home Dad, I left him with an extremely wonderful assignment. Get Bubba to eat solids so we can wean her off of breastfeeding. Easy right? I'm such a fabulous wife.

Yeah, I wasnt falling for it either. It was the biggest concern we had when I went back to work but after Bubba starved for 2 weeks because she has my stubborn trait... she finally gave in... and took to solids quite well actually.

For several months he would feed her solids and when I was home I would breastfeed. Then we slowly started the weaning process further until she was completely eating solids. (I hated that day. I think it was harder for ME to wean off of breastfeeding Bubba than Bubba.)

I noticed that Mr. Bubbas trick was to distract! Bubba from thinking she was eating to just playing with cool shit as Daddy shoves food down her throat. For a couple of weeks we let her play with a 40 foot measuring tape. OMG she thought that was the coolest thing EVER. Then there was the bread ties. Milk rings. What is she a CAT or something? A handful of q-tips. Odds and ends from all over the house. Toys. Markers and pens. Anything and everything that would make her play. I mean distract her. I mean eat!

So obviously this became the norm. And you just. dont. mess. with the norm. So... to this day Bubba has to be eating while playing when in her highchair. The latest round of cool shit to distract! with is playdoh. And we are seriously loving the playdoh right now.

For the last couple days Mr. Bubba had the playdoh all dolled up like a snowman. Then I got the brilliant idea to make a squirrel. WTF. A squirrel Ryan? Why not something like a snowman that resembles 3 CIRCLES. No, I choose a squirrel.

Well, he didnt turn out too bad and Mr. Bubba made a little doggy to go with. And a little doggy bed. With a little doggy pillow. How f'ing cute is that?

I present to you Mr. Squirrel.
And little doggy.
With a little doggy bed.
Little doggy pillow included FREE!

I think she likes the little doggy best.
She was shhhh-ing him to sleep.
In his little doggy bed.
With his little doggy pillow.
Mr. Bubba should make a little doggy blanket too.


In the middle of playing, she looks at me...
Grabs squirrels little nipple...
And says SQUIRREL? Momma BOOBIES!?

I just couldnt live without you Bubba.

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Posted by and rudeness at 11:20 PM
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Crack Addicted.
One evening I called my Mom... probably to ask if I could substitute regular milk for evaporated milk in a brownie recipe... but really it didnt matter cause I never got to ask my question. In fact I forgot my question when my Mom answered the phone.

WHAT?! Are you okay?

Uhm... yes I'm fine. Are YOU?

Yes, Ryan. What do you need? Is Bubba okay?!

Yeah Mom, everyones fine... Am I interrupting something?

Yes! Your Dad and I are watching 24 and if you dont need anything and everything is okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

24? What in the LIVING HELL IS 24?! Whatever the F it is... my mother has been taken over and turned into a MONSTER. I'll talk to you tomorrow? OMG. She hates me. Well, tomorrow came and she explained to me what this 24 was. A cult following apparently.

For the last two years I have seen my parents transform into 24 fanatics. They own every single ANYTHING 24 related. And it is so hard for me to grasp the concept of being absolutely totally in love with a. TV. show. Hello people. A TV show. Pleeease.

I have never understood this. It doesnt make sense! I remember when 90210 first aired in 1990... OH MY GOD. Everyone I knew was addicted to this show. I could barely hold full and meaning conversations with friends because I didnt know what was going on, in 90210.

Now I wont lie... I was really loving the X Files when it first came out but after a couple episodes I lost interest. Because I couldnt dedicate myself to the show. If I cant watch every single one IN ORDER, whats the point? Then ER came out and I probably made it almost an entire season watching faithfully. And then one day I walked away. And I never looked back. I enjoy a rerun or a current episode but I never know what is going on anymore. Cause I cant be faithful to it.

I mean, damn... I have a toddler now. I HAVE seen every single SpongeBob, Jimmy Neutron and My Life as a Teenage Robot episode... six or a thousand times... but to get into anything "on" right now? It would never work. I wouldnt mind figuring out the hype on Grey's Anatomy. It seems to be verrrry popular. Cause isnt McDreamy.... dreamy....

So in December I get a call from my Mom who is talking in an extremely! fast! excited! voice! trying to explain to me the DEAL OF THE DECADE. The first 5 seasons of 24 are on sale at Best Buy and I called your Dad to make sure and I went there as fast as I could and I saved like 300 dollars and I got all. 5. seasons. of. 24. RYAN! Isn't that great?!


And whatever.

And get a life.

So not only can I never-ever-or-I'll-disown-you-happen to call my parents on a Monday night... I cant call them NEVER EVER cause they are ALWAYS watching/rewatching their precious seasons of 24. Curses to you 24!

Then it happened. My husband was talking with my Dad about... you'll never guess... 24, and he says Yeah, I'll watch Season 1 if you'll loan it to me. So my husband, the only one on MY SIDE of this 24 nonsense brought that FILTH into my home. And watched it.

And then he started to talk about it. And then we were watching the "last couple minutes" as I walked in the door from work. And then I got curious. Then we were watching it during dinner. And instead of doing laundry. And instead of taking out the trash.

And then instead of eating anything that resembled a meal? If I could throw it into the oven QUICK! and take it out QUICK!, I could watch from the kitchen. And who needs more than 5 hours of sleep a night?And isn't Jack EVER going to kill Nina? And shhh Bubba just a couple more minutes.

And then my Mom called me the other day...



Are you okay? Is Dad okay?


Okay. I'll call you in 8 minutes when 24 is over. Bye.

HOLY. SHIT. And ladies and gentlemen... there is NO turning back. We are crack addicted to 24. The show that I hated. The show that I thought was soooo stupid. Every episode is a hour? That's retarded, what if the main character has to take a crap? We watch him crap? The show that I despised because who really puts their health and well being BEHIND a TV series.

Well, apparently its me.

Heres some "funnies" I found about Jack Bauer... I have 130 of them... I saved your time and put my favs... Hope I have some 24 lovers out there.

Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

When Jack Bauer used Herbal Essences, the shampoo had an orgasm.

Posted by and rudeness at 10:20 PM
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Tidbits of Me, Tuesday.
I was born in the Great Land of Cheese... I now live in the Great Land of arctic-blasts-that-last-for-weeks-on-end Cheese. And while you could safely assume from a sentence like that I was born here and have been here ever since... that is SOOOO not the case. My little life thus far has been FILLED with moving.

In fact, let me throw some statistics at you and give a little explanation of each:

I have lived in 6 states:
Wisconsin, Texas, South Carolina, Georgia, Michigan and Alabama.
Being an army brat defiantly meant moving quite a bit. And it never meant moving across town, it seemed like every move we made... took us to the OTHER side of the country. Twice I ended up BACK in Texas. My stint in Michigan was short lived. It was my first semester of college right out of high school when I thought I wanted to be a cop. I failed out because I thought beating my best time in Minesweeper was more important than class. It was worth it cause afterwards... I realized that being a cop? NOT for me.

I have moved 20 times since birth:
17 of them after the age of 5.
My first number was 23. Damn. Then I had to think about what I consider a "move." If I took ALL of my belongings from one location to the next... it was a move. That would remove the 4 months I lived with a friend in high school, the couple months I lived with Mr. Bubba before he moved in with me and the time that I couldnt stand my roommates anymore and moved in with a friend for a couple months.

I have visited 44 states:
I havent been to Alaska, Hawaii, California, Maine, Oregon or Florida.
The year after I failed out of college the first time and as I was a recovering Minesweeper addict, I worked for Hardee's traveling around the country opening new stores when Carl's Jr bought them out. It was a pretty sweet job and I got to see a lot of the country. And a lot of fry vats, dirty bathrooms and airports too. Don't miss that part!

Then after that I worked for a company traveling the country doing multimedia presentations in public schools. Damn, more dirty bathrooms in that job too. AND bratty kids. But between those 2 jobs and all the traveling on top of my Dad being in the Army... I have gotten to see a lot of the US.

From Pre-K to 12th grade I went to 14 schools total:
Only 1 school I went 2 consecutive years.
This is a hard one for me. When I would make friends, it seemed as soon as I got to really know them, I was saying goodbye. I was always so jealous of people that have had friends FOREVER. We've known each other since kindergarten! I think that is such a beautiful concept!! There are only a couple of people that I occasionally keep in contact with since high school. And I am talking a birthday email or a card here and there. Nothing as neat as swapping stories from my childhood we shared.

So, to summarize the places I have been...
Favoritest place ever... EVER: Seattle, Washington

Cleanest place:
Annapolis, Maryland
I dont think I saw any trash, ANYWHERE.

Funnest place: Casper, Wyoming

Most memorable:
Austin, Texas

Best BBQ: Tie Cyclone, Texas & St Louis, Missouri


Posted by and rudeness at 10:35 PM
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Ok. I swear. After THIS... no more flashcards.
Because I have turned this week into Flashcard Week I thought I would share one. more. thing. This is what will run in the Valentine's issue of the newspaper I work for. For my little Bubba from her Daddy and I.

I was trying to make it look like a flashcard. I figured I will print it out bigger and laminate it for her for Valentines Day.

Posted by and rudeness at 11:57 PM
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Today was Flashcard Day.
Well, I feel like all I talk about lately are Bubba and her flashcards. But they are defiantly a HUGE part of our lives right now. So... where in the HELL did these things come from?!

This Christmas when we went to see my grandparents from my biological Dad side of the family... oh, that sounds like I'll need a post to explain... and since we usually only see them once a year, they loaded Bubba up with presents that were all learning/phonics/electronic/battery based. That included these said flashcards. They look like this and are from here. My grandmother sells Avon and I believe that Avon carried these through Christmas.

(And when I said she sells Avon... I meant to say she is an Avon Goddess. She was BORN selling Avon. Everything she owns is from Avon. All my (other) family wears it. And loves it. Since I was born, every birthday, holiday, milestone, anything celebratory in nature meant something Avon was coming my way.)

At first Bubba didnt really know what to do with the flashcards. We quickly hid away the little talking device the flashcards slipped into cause she doesnt like ANYTHING that talks/sings/jumps/does somersaults... although she is coming around about some things. Like that annoying ass repetitive! beeping! blinking! Mickey Mouse thing.

Today Bubba thought it would be fabulous to MAKE things with her flashcards. I always need things to add to my resume... why not.

And oh yes, when I took these photos, I was standing as tall as I could on the couch.
The danger I put myself in for my child...
Squirrel anyone?

Plankton from SpongeBob...
Later the hubbie made SpongeBob as well,
but my camera batteries died before I could get his portrait taken.

When my sister came home from college in December,
her boyfriend came along and brought his dog, Cali.
Bubba LOVED that there was a dog at our house for a month...
and everyday since my sister, the boyfriend and Cali left,
Bubba has asked and begged and asked again and again, where Cali is?
And here she is.

Posted by and rudeness at 11:57 PM
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If ones "true colors" shine through... whats the color of OCD?
Sterile white? Strategically placed purple polka dots on a smooth glossy black? Diagonal lines exACTLY 11.876cm from one another? Whatever color it is... it better be clean! neat! organized! and wash behind its ears every. single. day.

Sometimes I feel like I have a problem with OCD. And I am not just throwing that out there to say, hey look at me, I understand that some people REALLY REALLY have problems with this... and I think that I may be developing some tendencies. I mean they have always been there... they are just getting worse.

I dont know how to explain them and I dont want to sound like a freak. Not that people with OCD are freaks... oh brother, I also have a problem trying to describe my problems. I just feel like my thoughts and actions sometimes get the better of me. Let me explain...

I have routines that I follow everyday. I cant get them out of order. They way I shower, the way I get dressed. I know it sounds petty... but if its not in a certain order... everything feels wrong. When I go out to eat... I dont let my silverware/plasticware touch the table. If it does? I have to get a new one. And under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you EVER see me touch a salt and pepper shaker or ANY condiment at a restaurant that others touch. Damn those things are gross.

Anyways... the point I am trying to get at is... I think that my obsessiveness is passing to my daughter. My precious TWO YEAR OLD. I dont know if this is can necessarily be "passed on." I see things that frustrate her and I am sad that she is picking things up from me that she thinks is normal. And I dont want her to have the problems that I have.

I see her play with her toys and while she is always adorable... heaven forbid something doesnt go the way she wants it to. She will spend an amazing amount of time lining up her toys. She will put them in a puuurfect line and smile and giggle with delight at what she has done. And it doesnt matter what toy... her cars, fruits/vegetables, care bears, a snack of crackers or marshmallows... anything. If she accidentally knocks one out of order. OMG. She will scream and cry and yell "CANT DO IT" until said toy is back in place.

Her flashcards? She loves these things. She carries them all over the house. One day I thought it would be cool to lay them all over the floor. She wanted them in a STRAIGHT line. Good thing our living room is 25 feet long! Once they were in line, her and I ran down the line and back. A hundred times, at least. The moment she stepped on one and it messed up her perfect line... she fell to the floor in tears and then proceeded to rip apart all 25 feet of them, screaming "CANT DO IT!"

Does she do things like this because I am constantly straightening things? Because everything has its place. And everything in my world is STRAIGHT! and ORGANIZED! and SYMMETRICAL!

Whenever I start my nightly cleaning routine Bubba is always right there to help me. "KEEN UP! KEEN UP!" And we will pick up toys. Each one has a specific place. Throw away any trash from the day. "PUUUT IN TRASH!" Start laundry. "LAWNDEE? DO LAWNDEE?" Do dishes. "WASH DISHEES!" And then vacuum. "VAC-UUM!" (That actually sounds like F YOU! when she says it.) She will be there with me every step of the way.

If there is something on the floor she will ask me for a "WIPE! BABY! WIPE" and when I give her one... will go at whatever until she is satisfied. Then she will proceed with that wipe onto other surfaces of the house. Scrubbing away. If she spills something on the couch? WIPE! And she will clean it up and then take that wipe and "PUUUT IN TRASH!"

Now I am by no means saying that she is always like this. She makes plenty of messes she doesnt worry about. Go ahead. Make a mess. Most of the time that doesnt bother me. She is two! And they're plenty of times I let the dishes gather in the sink or laundry pile up in the corner.

I just hate to see my little Bubba get so upset at the little things. CANT DO IT! CANT DO IT! And then work herself into a tizzy that I can barely calm her down from. She doesnt need that!

When I was 6 years old I thought I was going to die. And these thoughts kept me awake at night to the point that my parents taped... T A P E D... a stethoscope to my chest so I could hear that my heart was not going to stop. I can remember the fear that gripped and paralyzed me. I could not believe anything my parents would tell me. I thought I was going to die. Die in my sleep. Cause my heart stopped. And if I had just been awake it wouldnt stop.

I know this is a small part of OCD that started in my life waaay back then. And I am worried that my little girl will be griped with similar problems and fears. And that scares me. She is too sweet and too young to have that happen. No one needs that.
Posted by and rudeness at 11:23 PM
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Sometimes the flood gates just bust open.
Being as though it is Thursday and I havent posted since Monday, I am sure you guys noticed that Tidbits of Me, Tuesday did not happen this week. A lot has not happened over the last couple days. There are moments in my life when I realize I have to step away from something in order to keep it.

For me, in the last couple of days, it was blogging. I just needed to step away for awhile. When I started blogging last year, I added blogging to an already long, over-stressed list of daily activities. But my love for blogging has made me learn to manage my time better to fit in my addiction to Blogland. Damn you Blogland. This said addiction... is the very reason I have never dabbled with drugs. I am easily addicted to anything. And of course I mean that like, I am easily addicted to wanting to play darts all the time, ice cream with chocolate syrup and watching 24.

I am not here to bash my husband and I am not here to say I am done with blogging. While I wanted to post something Tuesday full of hate and rage towards my husband and then hit the delete this blog button... I walked away.

I love to blog. (Oh, and I love my husband.) Sometimes he and I have a hard time communicating exactly what we want and the importance that something has to us. Tuesday night I wanted a couple of hours to blog. He wanted to finish his homework. That pissed me off. Which pissed him off. Which pissed me off even more... you know where that went. Nowhere. Down the drain. While I know that I probably sound like a bitch for wanting to blog when my husband had homework thats not really the point here. (But his homework isnt due until Sunday.) I just had to throw that in there.

Blogging has been a great escape for me. A glimpse into other peoples lives that reminds me that I am not alone. This world can be such a cruel place to be but I am reminded of all the nice, cool people out there that still have hearts when I am in Blogland. You guys all ROCK! It's great to know that others go through the same problems. Or can help me through mine. There's nothing better for me than making someone laugh. Or even think. Who would have thunk that?

I appreciate each and every one of you that come to my site. Read through my ramblings and rantings. And of course I love you forever when you comment! Every comment makes me smile. Well, except for the weird porn link someone left me one day. Whoever you are, BASTARD!

Readers... nay... friends, thank you for giving me something to look forward to. For giving advice and making me smile. For always being there when I need you.

Oh, and todays post number 100. Cool, huh?!
Posted by and rudeness at 5:07 PM
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Ever wonder...
...if as you go about your daily business people are watching? And I dont just mean people people. I mean as you sit on your front porch having a casual conversation... NASA is teaching its latest group of wanna-be-astronauts how the satellites work. And how powerful they are.

INSTRUCTOR: Okay class, someone choose anywhere in. the. W O R L D.

STUDENT: How about Bumblefuck, WI?

INSTRUCTOR: Bumblefuck, WI it is.

As the instructor punches away buttons on a panel in front of him, thousands of miles away HUGE satellites are whipping themselves around to zero in on the coordinates for Bumblefuck.

And as the students watch in awe as these satellites come into position the instructor is droning on and on in the background... no one can hide from the power of these satellites... something begins to beep as Bumblefuck, WI comes into view on the monitors taking up an entire wall of monitors in the classroom... you will even be able to see traffic lights changing, sounds and everything is in real time... suddenly a roar of sounds come to life, horns honking, dogs barking... these satellites are used for research and for the highest security, even in 1993 the President called on NASA... the instructor begins to narrow in closer to a road, a house and you see two people sitting on a porch... Here class, you can see these two people sitting on their porch...

Suddenly their conversation is booming over all the classroom...

FEMALE: I have a booger so far up my nose and it has been driving me crazy all day.
MALE: Apparently you arent blowing hard enough.
FEMALE: Like I havent heard THAT before.
MALE: Man the roof of my mouth feels weird.
FEMALE: Really? Mine feels cool. Let me see?
MALE: Ahhhhhhh....
FEMALE: Female gets up... bbbbbbrrrrrrrrriiippppppp!!
MALE: RYAN! My mouth was open and everything!!

The instructor quickly disengages the connection to Bumblefuck, WI and begins to quickly talk his way AWAY from the conversation they were so fortunate enough to stumble upon during this learning activity.

As the class winds down and the end of the hour approaches, the instructor asks what everyone learned today?

STUDENT: That girls really do fart.
Posted by and rudeness at 11:35 PM
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My brain is like a 24/7 diner.
My mind is constantly on the go. Never stopping. Not even at a rest stop for a break. I can be doing 6 things at once like laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, giving Bubba a bath and writing a shopping list but I still feel I am not doing enough.

I can accomplish a To Do List that is long and complicated but while I am on hold with the cell phone company... to talk about that weird charge that showed up on my bill... I make another list. Time is against me. I know it. And I hate that I am this way.

A good nights sleep for me is 5 hours. I feel like I cant get more than that... cause that would be a waste of time. And I can get all the sleeping I need done when I am dead.

I dont understand why I do this to myself. I cant stop and look over what I have done and feel any accomplishment. I only see where I can do more and next time how I can be more efficient. I feel like I am going crazy!

I shouldnt be this way right?!
Posted by and rudeness at 4:18 PM
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A date AND a life, all in a weekend.
On Friday the hubbie and I actually went on a date! Yahoo! Can you believe it?! We were celebrating our 4 year anniversary and had an absolutely wonderful time! February 1st was our
We've been together for this long Anniversary just to clarify. We have only been married for 1½ years.

When I asked for Friday off at work my boss was like "I thought you just got married? How are you celebrating 4 years?"

"Well, we are celebrating how long we've been together. We started dating in 2003."

"Oh, you are one of THOSE."

Well, everyones a critic. Mr. Bubba and I like to celebrate being together. If we actually think of it on the 1st of a month, we will say its so-and-so months of being together day! YEAH! I think little things like that are important in a relationship.

We by no means are a perfect couple... trust me, we HAVE our moments. Plenty of them. But we like to celebrate.

So back to the date...
Mr. Bubba and I often like to get breakfast for dinner so we went to this little place close to home. (And when I say close to home, I can see it from my living room window.) The food was good but somewhat shocking. I ordered an Italian sausage omelet and uhm, when he brought it out I almost fell out of the booth. It was COVERED in tomato sauce. What. the. hell. I flipped through the menu just to make sure I got the right thing. Nothing about sauce. What the hell do I do?

I figured it couldnt be that awful and gave it a try. My grandpa used to put ketchup on his pancakes. After a couple bites Mr. Bubba noticed the sauce and was like, What in the HELL did you order?! Uhm, not sure. I wont order it again though.

After dinner we went to the bar and played pool and darts. We had a couple of drinks and called it an evening. We figured the night was still young though and when we got home we played some more darts. (We got a soft tipped electronic board a couple of weeks ago and have really enjoyed playing. We had to get Bubba a set of darts too, just like Momma and Daddy. We set the old bristle board we had against the wall and she plays too. Its cute.)

Tonight I had a friend from work come over to have dinner and play darts. She brought her 2 youngest and is currently pregnant with number 4. How is it she gets to have "that glow?" I never had it. It. was. just. sweat. for. me. Anyways it was nice to have someone over. They stayed for a couple of hours and her youngest is 18 months old. Bubba and him didnt get along too well... the darn kid kept playing with HER toys. Can you believe the gall?!

We are defiantly going to have to start working on this very thing with Bubba. I am worried that because she hasnt been in daycare she is going to have a hard time getting used to sharing. Cause right now? That word/thought/concept is NOT a part of her vocabulary!

So when everyone left and Mr. Bubba and I were picking up I commented that it was nice to have her over and it was like, OMG, we had a life. We had friends over! And we all had a good time! And he was like, "Yeah a date and a life, all in a weekend."

There's still Sunday... maybe we'll win the lottery.
Posted by and rudeness at 4:32 PM
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