Sterile white? Strategically placed purple polka dots on a smooth glossy black? Diagonal lines exACTLY 11.876cm from one another? Whatever color it is... it better be clean! neat! organized! and wash behind its ears every. single. day.
Sometimes I feel like I have a problem with OCD. And I am not just throwing that out there to say, hey look at me, I understand that some people REALLY REALLY have problems with this... and I think that I may be developing some tendencies. I mean they have always been there... they are just getting worse.
I dont know how to explain them and I dont want to sound like a freak. Not that people with OCD are freaks... oh brother, I also have a problem trying to describe my problems. I just feel like my thoughts and actions sometimes get the better of me. Let me explain...
I have routines that I follow everyday. I cant get them out of order. They way I shower, the way I get dressed. I know it sounds petty... but if its not in a certain order... everything feels wrong. When I go out to eat... I dont let my silverware/plasticware touch the table. If it does? I have to get a new one. And under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you EVER see me touch a salt and pepper shaker or ANY condiment at a restaurant that others touch. Damn those things are gross.
Anyways... the point I am trying to get at is... I think that my obsessiveness is passing to my daughter. My precious TWO YEAR OLD. I dont know if this is can necessarily be "passed on." I see things that frustrate her and I am sad that she is picking things up from me that she thinks is normal. And I dont want her to have the problems that I have.
I see her play with her toys and while she is always adorable... heaven forbid something doesnt go the way she wants it to. She will spend an amazing amount of time lining up her toys. She will put them in a puuurfect line and smile and giggle with delight at what she has done. And it doesnt matter what toy... her cars, fruits/vegetables, care bears, a snack of crackers or marshmallows... anything. If she accidentally knocks one out of order. OMG. She will scream and cry and yell "CANT DO IT" until said toy is back in place.
Her flashcards? She loves these things. She carries them all over the house. One day I thought it would be cool to lay them all over the floor. She wanted them in a STRAIGHT line. Good thing our living room is 25 feet long! Once they were in line, her and I ran down the line and back. A hundred times, at least. The moment she stepped on one and it messed up her perfect line... she fell to the floor in tears and then proceeded to rip apart all 25 feet of them, screaming "CANT DO IT!"
Does she do things like this because I am constantly straightening things? Because everything has its place. And everything in my world is STRAIGHT! and ORGANIZED! and SYMMETRICAL!
Whenever I start my nightly cleaning routine Bubba is always right there to help me. "KEEN UP! KEEN UP!" And we will pick up toys. Each one has a specific place. Throw away any trash from the day. "PUUUT IN TRASH!" Start laundry. "LAWNDEE? DO LAWNDEE?" Do dishes. "WASH DISHEES!" And then vacuum. "VAC-UUM!" (That actually sounds like F YOU! when she says it.) She will be there with me every step of the way.
If there is something on the floor she will ask me for a "WIPE! BABY! WIPE" and when I give her one... will go at whatever until she is satisfied. Then she will proceed with that wipe onto other surfaces of the house. Scrubbing away. If she spills something on the couch? WIPE! And she will clean it up and then take that wipe and "PUUUT IN TRASH!"
Now I am by no means saying that she is always like this. She makes plenty of messes she doesnt worry about. Go ahead. Make a mess. Most of the time that doesnt bother me. She is two! And they're plenty of times I let the dishes gather in the sink or laundry pile up in the corner.
I just hate to see my little Bubba get so upset at the little things. CANT DO IT! CANT DO IT! And then work herself into a tizzy that I can barely calm her down from. She doesnt need that!
When I was 6 years old I thought I was going to die. And these thoughts kept me awake at night to the point that my parents taped... T A P E D... a stethoscope to my chest so I could hear that my heart was not going to stop. I can remember the fear that gripped and paralyzed me. I could not believe anything my parents would tell me. I thought I was going to die. Die in my sleep. Cause my heart stopped. And if I had just been awake it wouldnt stop.
I know this is a small part of OCD that started in my life waaay back then. And I am worried that my little girl will be griped with similar problems and fears. And that scares me. She is too sweet and too young to have that happen. No one needs that.
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| I'm not a doctor, so take this for what it's worth, but she sounds pretty normal. Maybe she is getting some obsessiveness from you, but it sounds to me more like ordinary toddler behavior. My partner and I are probably the most laid-back parents in terms of routine, order, etc, but our oldest sounds like Bubba -- around that age, he used to line up all his toy cars, in order from smallest to biggest, then drive them one by one from point A to point B and if anything got in his way or messed up his system he threw a little fit. Also, lots of kids really love routine -- it just gives them a feeling of security. So to me it seems like she has the normal toddler qualities of enjoying routine, wanting things just-so, and freaking out when things don't go her way. Of course, kids do like to imitate their parents, so she could be picking things up from you, subtly, but at this point I wouldn't worry so much. She's still a baby in a lot of ways.
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| Posted by
Heidi
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February 11, 2007 10:32 AM
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oh hon...I think a little bit of OCD is good for everyone! I know I have some tendancies too, and now Ryan has them. I really don't see her behavior as a problem. Most toddlers that age are like that...they have to have things a certain way or they freak out. Ryan used to have to have all his toys in a certain place or he'd freak. Or if he didn't get juice in the morning he'd freak. It's just a part of being a kid.
I wouldn't worry too much. I think she'll be just fine. :)
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| Posted by
Brenda
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February 12, 2007 9:16 AM
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| I don't think you have anything to worry about. My son was exactly like that at her age. He would put things in all these orders and get so mad if they didn't work out. By 2.5 he was conquering 50 piece puzzles and quickly moved on to 100 pieces. They just have little quirks about them. Now he has the messiest desk at school and his back pack is full of papers and candy wrappers.
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| Posted by
Jolynn
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February 12, 2007 12:44 PM
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hahah. God, I love you. I read this aloud to my friends. They think you are just as amazing of a writer as I do.
Also, I think we are crazy b/c of dad. :) For example, I always count my steps when I walk. oops. When I went to the counselor for my meds., she kept asking me if I "count my steps?" "go into a store to buy something and walk out with tons?" "have to check if a door is locked?"
I definitely said no everytime, but my head was definitely saying YES. hahah. :)
I mean, how else could we be with a father who vacuums the carpet for 3 hours until the lines are straight? Remember Grandma and the mayo? :) :) I think we are doing pretty good with what we've been given. :) And, i think Bubba will be just fine. If worst comes to worst, her Auntie Erin will sit her down one day and say, "Look, sweet. Some things just aren't important." Unfortunately, that will follow with "Have you checked if the door is locked recently?"
Love you, sis.
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| Posted by
Erinzillaud
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February 22, 2007 11:05 AM
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