and rudeness.: He just wanted me for my body.

Welcome
to my blog.

I am a girl named Ryan.

Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.

If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.

and about rudeness.

and rudeness
of the week.

fastlane rudeness.

You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.

and rudeness.

and old rudeness.

and find rudeness.

He just wanted me for my body.

And TRUST ME, there was nothing sexual about it. For the first 30 minutes I was talking to the doctor yesterday afternoon, there was a twinkle in his eye. Like a youth in them when he was talking about my twisted and distorted brain.

For the longest time I was a little weirded out. Then I figured it all out. His enthusiasm about what was going on, the uncertainties, the uniqueness of my "disease," the research and testing... he was looking at me like, "Damn. If you die from this, can I dissect you?" Cause your brain would be like a trophy in a jar down in the lab. I will take it for walks and we'd eat lunch together under the ole gum tree every. single. day.

Seriously. I thought about this the ENTIRE visit. Okay well... the only time I wasnt thinking about it? I was thinking about how my gown was by NO MEANS actually covering me. Oh, and why in the HELL anyone thought it would be a good idea to put the Neurology Clinic in with the Infectious Disease Clinic*. Yeah. Really. You walk in and on the right is Neurology and on the left is Infectious Disease.

Infectious... Disease.

Why in the living hell couldnt it JUST be the Disease Clinic? Cause when I sat down to wait for the doctor when I first arrived... do you even think for a moment I was going to pick up a magazine to read in THAT waiting room?

Hell the FUCK no. Infectious disease. Ick.

I held Willis tight to me. I wouldnt even let HIM read a magazine.

Speaking of Willis... here he is!
Never. Even for a second. Left my side.
He wouldnt do a flip for the camera though.
I think he is a little shy.

Once my doctors visit was done and I FINALLY found my way out of the hospital and on my merry way, I was quite glad that everything went pretty well. I mean, shit. I wasnt tattooed, pierced or mohawked. I wasnt admitted. I didnt have to get through any crazy ass procedures. No medical power of attorney.

I could get the hang of this. As long as nothing changes!

Being as though my doctors visit was 450 miles round trip, I had plently of time to reflect on the visit itself on the way home. In the end, I defiantly feel better about things. I think. Here's what I learned.

1. The TIA or mini-stroke I had last weekend could have JUST been a symptom of a migraine. Its common to have "neurological lapses" that would include temporary loss of my feeling in the left side of my body.

2. That while there is a good chance that my migraines have NOTHING to do with my crazy arteries, the doctor has a "gut" feeling it is all related. Which is good. Cause I agree with that and was quite freaked out to think that they might NOT have anything to do with one another.

3. The reason that I dont have any literature or research on my "disease" is the very fact, as everything is happening, it IS research. Which, damn... I would defiantly rather be a cookie cutter diagnosis with a cookie cutter resolve... but I guess it is neat to be part of the learning process. As long as they continue to make sure that if SOMETHING does happen, that I continue to make it out of the hospital ALIVE.

4. The tests that I have to go back to Madison for on the 18th arent as scary as I first thought. Once he talked about the MRI/MRA, tricks and experimental things relating it all to photography... it made sense. And I shouldnt need any tranquilizers like I thought I was going to require.

5. With all the twistedness of the arteries in my head, I was worried that other places in my body would be twisted too. He let me know when I had my angiogram that they "hopped over to my kidney and checked things out." Apparently IF something would have gone array anywhere else... that would have been the key location to check out. When they got over to the kidneys... everything was healthy and normal. Thank God.

So, equipped with more understanding, I am feeling better. I still may be worried that if I sneeze... I will blow up but I am not scared about taking a crap anymore.

(*Please dont think that me saying something like that about the Infectious Disease Clinic meant that I am in any way making fun of someone who actually has something that would require them to be seen by a doctor in this department. I was just thrown off by the combining of clinics and figured that a clinic like "Infectious Disease" should have maybe... had its own area. Cause I am a freak about germs and what not.)

Labels: My Twisted Head

Posted by and rudeness on Friday, April 06, 2007 at 6:43 PM
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Aw, Willis is so cute! I'm glad you're feeling better about things. I think it sounds pretty cool to have such a rare condition. But then, I'm not the one who actually has it. But imagine, you could be in medical textbooks or something! That would be pretty cool. I would feel the same way about the Infectious Diseases. Like... how infectious are we talking here?? At least it didn't say Deadly Infectious Diseases.
Posted by Heidi	\|	April 07, 2007 7:35 AM


I'm glad things went well and you are feeling better. And Willis is so cute!!!
Posted by Brenda	\|	April 07, 2007 9:41 AM


Hang in there Fred!! Fred is a term of endearment that we use in our family, so I totally meant it as a compliment.
Posted by Denise	\|	April 07, 2007 6:38 PM


Every time I see "twisted" I can't help but to think of you sitting there with an evil "muwhahahaha!!" laugh and perhaps coming up with a plot to over take the world! :) (I can't help but to bring scarcasm and humor to the table when dealing with serious subjects...please forgive if it came across the wrong way.) And Willis looks like the coolest little doggie EVER!!
Posted by ^starshine	\|	April 08, 2007 12:50 PM


You know what Starshine... sarcastic and funny is the only way to deal with it! :) When I was taken to Madison via ambulance my parents were on the internet printing out jokes. I have never told and hear so many jokes! It makes it easier to handle. Laughter is the best medicine! :)
Posted by and rudeness	\|	April 08, 2007 1:05 PM


I'm glad to hear everything went well at your doctor's appointment! Hey, and I agree with you on the Infectious Disease Clinic. It would make me very very paranoid. I can't even stand sitting in a regular doctor's office. People sneezing and coughing, it is not fun. Also, Willis is too cute.
Posted by Anonymous	\|	April 09, 2007 8:18 AM