and rudeness.: Getting it right from the start.

Welcome
to my blog.

I am a girl named Ryan.

Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.

If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.

and about rudeness.

and rudeness
of the week.

fastlane rudeness.

You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.

and rudeness.

and old rudeness.

and find rudeness.

Getting it right from the start.

Bubba was definatly a surprise for the hubbie and I. And when I say "surprise" I mean that our lives were alittle bit crazy at that moment in time. We weren't married. We were living with 4 roomates and 4 animals. We weren't married. Neither of us had jobs. He had never met my parents. We weren't married. I was two semesters away from graduating from college and Mr. Bubba had no schooling beyond high school. (Not that this was a bad thing, he WANTED to go to school and we thought it was going to be out of the question.) We were broke. And heaven forbid that we werent married. (The married thing, was what I thought would send my parents over the edge when I told them I was pregnant AND jobless AND broke!) It did.

We knew we were in love. We had already planned to get married... I figured the next step was meeting my parents... not calling them to tell them they would be GRANDparents.

Regardless, as we sat that night on our bed with a notebook and pen, we made a plan. All of the above said things of course dominated our cons list BUT we had to make some changes. And quick. We had TEN months. (Right? Mrs. Flinger?) We also turned our plan into a 5 year mission.

The final stretch of our five year plan includes the husband completing his schooling. Next year this time he will have his Bachelors in Game Art and Design. Then we are moving to Dallas where BOTH of us can find good paying jobs in our fields. And be close to family. YEAH.

(Wow... I have taken you on a wild roller coaster to this point... the whole reason for the post... Stay with me... I've been giving you background...)

Over this past month I have been doing alot of looking back and realizing that DAMN we HAVE come far. I think we might actually have a chance to make it! And then I started to wonder... Lately with all the I can't take Depo anymore, I'm allergic to condoms, should my husband get a vascetomy talk I started really thinking if I truely didnt want anymore little Bubbas. Yeah, you think its normal for a woman to say...

But I have been saying now for two years that I NEVER EVER WANT ANOTHER ONE, DONT WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN and have truly felt that those were my accurate feelings. I literally about slapped myself when I took myself down the "Do I want another" road. So I invited Mr. Bubba down the road as well.

The thing is we have been pretty damn sure that Bubba would be our only one. We could spend more time with her, give her the attention she needed and be able to give her more if it was only her. I have told countless people that Bubba was our "one and only" and even argued the point with family members, co-workers and friends. "You just wait a couple years Ryan and you will want another one." Whatever.

Yet, here we are. When I brought this subject up with Mr. Bubba he was a tad bit surprised but to my amazement he said, "Yeah, I always wanted 2 or 3." Have I pounded that Bubba is the "one and only" into my husband that he began to believe we would never have anymore? As we played through a list of would we, could we, can we have another baby I was getting a little excited. And scared. And terrified. And happy. And scared.

Before I had Bubba, I had had NO desire to have children. And as I have agrued the "One is Enough" arguement into everyone I know... I feel like I am not complete. Like our family is not complete. Now, granted I have only been having these feelings for about a month, and things could change. But I think when Mr. Bubba and I do our next "Five Year Plan"... another little Bubba might be in the list. We would definatly be in a better place. A world better than when we found out Bubba was on the way. But Bubba turned out perfect. And I wouldn't change a thing.

Posted by and rudeness on Thursday, November 30, 2006 at 7:33 PM
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Aww, what an amazing story hon. You have come a long way! And Bubba's are pretty amazing aren't they? I'm sure you'll make the decision that's right for you when the time comes. ((hugs))
Posted by Brenda	\|	December 04, 2006 8:37 AM