and rudeness.: The brake on my life is broken.

Welcome
to my blog.

I am a girl named Ryan.

Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.

If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.

and about rudeness.

and rudeness
of the week.

fastlane rudeness.

You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.

and rudeness.

and old rudeness.

and find rudeness.

The brake on my life is broken.

Since I was born I have lived for the future. Starting, I am sure, with waiting anxious to drink from a bottle, eat solids or potty train. Hell, I did THAT at 17 months.

When I was 12, I couldnt wait to be 13. OH TO BE A TEEN! The responsiblity. Mine. The rules. Gone. I would be a teenager. That's right baby! Teenagers didnt have rules. Teenagers could stay up late. Have "cool" parties. And be invited to them. Oh, to be 13.
When I was 13, I couldnt wait to be 14. A highschooler. Hell yeah. I cant wait. Boys. Boys. Boys. Oh, to be 14.
When I was 14 & 15, I couldnt wait to be 16. Oh, to drive and "sixteen" just sounded mature. 16 was the magic number. I would be my OWN person.
When I was 16, I couldnt wait to be 17. Cause 16 didnt turn out to be as cool. And seventeen year olders were soooo cool. Oh, to be 17.
When I was 17... forget 17, EIGHTEEN! Oh yeah. Move outta here. Get outta freaking stupid high school. Have my own place. YAHHHOOOOOO!! Come ON 18!

Catching the pattern? I have a big problem staying with the moment. There is always something that is "coming up" or that "I cant hardly wait for". 24 was funny though. Amazing when you cant wait to be 25 so you can rent a car without paying ASTRONOMICAL prices!

So even to this day I try so hard to live in the now. Today. This second. But then Murphy comes along, and you know how much we get along. Whenever something goes astray I wish for a better time. A better place in my life were things like "this" or "that" wont happen.

Recently? My husbands computer blew up. Yes, the damn power supply caught. on. fire. This coming months after one of his RAM chips blew. Fried. Gone. Suddenly our entire world spins out of control. Money for that? Money for this? Its never there, and when it is, its never enough.

So as my husband and I rearrange our lives to come up with a $75 bandaid to fix his computer, I wish for the future. Out countdown to a new life. My new life, my future craving is to move out of here. Move to a place were you get paid what you are worth. To live in a place that will allow us to not worry anymore.

Four years ago my husband and I made a 5 year plan. Only one more year left and we will be there. Of course sliding into home is the hardest stretch. I hope I can enjoy the ride and remember to live for now.

Labels: Murphy

Posted by and rudeness on Thursday, November 09, 2006 at 9:47 PM
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So Dennis's computer really caught fire, huh? Were you home at the time? I am sorry to hear that. maybe Dennis is giving it too much to think about and it can't keep up,lol. I hope everything is better now. Love ya , Mom
Posted by Anonymous	\|	November 13, 2006 7:25 PM