and rudeness.: Maybe I smell bad?

Welcome
to my blog.

I am a girl named Ryan.

Yes, a girl. Always been one... Will ALWAYS be one. I am also a daughter, sister, wife, mother and graphic designer. I blog here to share the stories of how I can some how manage to be all of those titles & SOMEHOW stay sane. If thats what you call it.

If you need me for anything or have a question about something... please email me at ryanikon@gmailDOTcom.

and about rudeness.

and rudeness
of the week.

fastlane rudeness.

You know when your schedule is so busy you dont even have time to stop and think? And you cant even remember what day it is? But all you know is you have to be somewhere NOW and you have to go to the store NOW and you have to drop off something NOW and you have to GO NOW AND DO NOW AND BE NOW! And OMG! I am in the fastlane, been stuck here for 3 days and I dont think I'm getting out for a couple more days.

and rudeness.

and old rudeness.

and find rudeness.

Maybe I smell bad?

When I told my husband at 8 months pregnant that I wanted to move to Wisconsin NOW! he happily agreed. (Well maybe not "happily" but he knew I needed my "momma" and with no family in Texas close by, it was the perfect plan.) I told him stories about my family, caught him up on everyones likes and dislikes and told him what not to say to certain people (my dad) or he would be cornered in a conversation for hours with no happy ending.

After Bubba was born my husband let me stay home for 7 months while he worked his hind end off. My grandma was thrilled because I was at her house everyday. I saw my mom and dad nearly everyday. For once in my life I craved being with my family and it was so exciting to see how everyone interacted with Bubba.

My grandmother pasted away suddenly a couple months after I started back to work. I was devastated as well as the entire family and it is still hard to bring her up. I miss her dearly. I don't know if things started to go weird in my family since then... but that's about the time my parents seem to have dropped off the face of the planet.

Bubba just turned 2 and I am completely crushed that my parents are hardly ever over, never call and when I ask them to watch Bubba they are always too busy or it's a bad time. If I don't call my mom... she won't call me. I figured I would test this theory and sure enough, I haven't talked to my Mom since LAST Sunday. (When I called her.)

Am I annoying? Is my daughter annoying? Did I do something wrong? Is Bubba too loud? Am I a bore? Bad company? My husband too handsome?

I still have a little certificate my parents made for my husband and I for Valentine's Day that says, "Good for 2 movie tickets and one night of babysitting." I have tried to cash it in THREE times and it's NEVER been convenient. Two weeks ago I asked my mom if she could watch Bubba on the 17th so my husband and I could go out for our anniversary.

Well, actually we are having company THAT weekend. Your grandparents are coming from New York. How about another time?

WELL HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

To top everything else off? My mom and dad live. six. blocks. away. SIX BLOCKS!!! So it's not like we live on the other side of town, there's not even a stop light inbetween us, no trains however, pfft, it must be the stop sign they have to stop for. (Hmmm, maybe their brakes are going out?)

I know that I could just "get over" this whole thing and be a big girl and initiate visits, outting and phone calls. But I am tired of it, I am always the one taking the initiative. I feel like my mom and dad regret that we are here. Or something. My daughter is the funniest, happiest and most loving child I have ever met. Of course, I am a little biased but people stop me all the time to tell me "What a happy baby you have", "WOW! What a smile!", or "Your baby is sooo good!" She's an angel.

So why am I avoided like the plaque? My upsetness at this issue has turned to anger and I can hardly control it anymore. I wish I would grow a pair of balls and tell my parents how much they have hurt me. Damn them.

Posted by and rudeness on Saturday, September 09, 2006 at 6:16 PM
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I'm so sorry hon. You shouldn't have to take the inititive every time. That's awful! Was it your mom's mom that passed? Maybe it hurts her too much to see you or Bubba..maybe it reminds her of grandma too much? I don't know..just taking guesses. But my guess is that something else is going on...I don't think it's just because they don't "like" you or anything. Most people tend to hide or avoid others when they are going through a difficult emotional or pyschological issue. I hope it gets better soon though. We all need our mommas. ((Hugs))
Posted by Brenda	\|	September 11, 2006 7:27 AM


OH, girl. It's not really you, I'm sure. People aren't thinking of anything but themselves. Even our moms and dads at times. They try, but then they get sucked in to something. I have the same trouble with my inLaws. I'd LOVE to have them take LB for a day. But they won't do it? I think it's me. I dunno. I shower. ? I hope y'all can talk it through soon.
Posted by Mrs. Flinger	\|	September 13, 2006 9:30 AM