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What part of NO don't you understand?
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There is a fair share of weirdos in my town, "Girly Shoes", "Butt Picker" and "Dirty Child Molester Van Guy" to name a few. These are the people you avoid, see everywhere and when it is your unfortunate time... spend valuable, precious minutes getting stuck talking to, all the while wishing you could melt into the floor or suddenly disappear.
"Girly Shoes" is the most interesting. This is a man, the shortest man ever, standing no more than 4 feet short with the smallest frame. He has the biggest, scariest, hairiest mess of a beard slash goatee thing going on. I think even his eyebrows continue into the ensemble. A big black cowboy hat tops it off and he wears this hideous shiny purple jacket... I have NEVER seen him without. Then of course he has the daintiest feet and the most fabulous shoes. I. mean. really. I AM A WOMAN and I cant find shoes that wonderful. Of course I was also graced with two size TEN left feet.
One afternoon I was taking a quick break in the back of my work so I could call my husband and check up on Bubba. The moment I hit call and put my headset in my ear, Girly Shoes (and no, I have no idea what his name really is) comes around the corner and precedes to tell me about his truck and how someone stole something from it and how that better not happen again and thats my truck and something was stolen from it and they better not mess with his truck cause its HIS... and OMG... and why isnt the ground quietly swallowing me whole?
The dude doesnt even drive above said truck! He has this huge 3 wheeler bike thing that I see him riding all over town. It has a 7 foot tall flag coming out the back and a little bell on the handle bars he uses more than I could even attempt to use my own car horn.
My husband was like, tell him you have a call! And I am trying to whisper to my husband to hang on while Girly Shoes is continuing to go on and on and on. So my husband has this great idea. He's going to hang up and call me back so I can answer and be like "Sorry, I need to take this!" Yet, I forget that I have my phone on silent and when my husband calls back I jump 6 feet cause it's on vibrate. Girly Shoes looks at me, cocks his head and simply walks away with a little wave of the hand that said man she is one freaking weird redhead. So now I'm the crazy but he gets to just walk away?
So this afternoon our list has become even longer still. When our whole department (all 5 of us) stepped out back for a break, there is this guy putting trash into our dumpster that is clearly labeled NO DUMPING and for the Employees of... So my boss quickly begins to politely tell his man... and GOD is she good at confrontation... I could only WISH to be so bold... she INVENTED the confrontation... that there will be none of that and you cant do that when he precedes to take out his unwanted trash and walk to another dumpster along the alley and put it in there. Bastard.
My boss turns to us all and says "Girls, you watch, tonight he'll bring all his trash back and put it in the dumpster. There will be none of that."
Well sure enough... when we took yet another break a couple hours later (I know it sounds like we "break" all the time... but... well okay, we do break all the time...) so Dirty Dumpster Dumper is half way across the parking lot with a huge black trash bag. Whatya know? In the back of his truck there are about 5 more just like it. Of course he immediatly does a 180 and walks back to his truck.
And stands there.
And stands there.
So when all of us girls went back inside after our break... we went STRAIGHT to the window. I had the digital camera in hand and we watched. and. watched. him with the lights turned off and someone was holding a large object... just incase it got ugly and he pulled a gun. We were armed with a... 48... inch... metal ruler? Well whatever. He gets into his truck, circles the parking lot and reparks exactly in the spot he just left. Did he really think he'd fooled us?
He then gets out of the truck and starts heading for our dumpster!! OMG! By this time someone has already called the police and they are pulling into the parking lot just in time to save our precious dumpster from having to share.
By the time all of us settled down (but continued to talk about it like one of us had won the fucking lottery and were going to split it no strings attached among us all) it was time for me to go home.
As I got into my car, he looks over at me among a sea of police officers... just great. Now I know for sure my tires are going to be slashed.
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| Posted by
and rudeness
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Wednesday, December 27, 2006
at
4:16 PM
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| oh my!! You had quite an adventurous day!! It sounds kinda creepy there. Hope you stay safe!!
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| Posted by
Brenda
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December 29, 2006 8:18 AM
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