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I am a magnet for the Crazies.
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Since my husband and I moved to Wisconsin we havent really ventured out and found many friends. With Bubba, we are consumed being parents... there has hardly been anytime for my husband and I to be together... much less being social with others.
I have been fortunate enough to have a local friend that I met through work. And thank GOD she is normal. We can meet up at the park as our kids run around like monkeys and talk. Well, really we bitch about our husbands... you know, the normal stuff. (But let me tell ya... she got one mother of an awesome backyard set up for Mother's Day and I think our days at the park are over. Cause it is all about her new backyard.)
Its somewhat unusual for me to have a "normal" friend. I am like a magnet for the crazies. They totally seek me out. For awhile there I had such a stretch of "weirdos" that I thought I was going to have to move far away to the middle of nowhere... where no one knew my name.
Oh wait, I did.
Before Mr. Bubba and I left Texas we were blessed with the Belly Molester. Thats right... B-E-L-L-Y M-O-L-E-S-T-E-R. She moved in across the street about the time that I found out I was pregnant with Bubba. One afternoon we happened to be in our respective driveways at just the right time, that we struck up a conversation. She had 2 young kids and the moment we started talking about babies... she thought we were attached at the hip.
Now I understand that when you see a pregnant woman your first reaction is belly rub! But usually only when said "belly" is sticking out over 4 feet and you know, OBVIOUS. When I told her I was about 3 months... she immediately started rubbing, grabbing and caressing my "nothing there to be seen" abdomen.
Uhm, hello... what the fuck do you think you are doing? I didnt say that I wanted to have sex with you right here. right now. in the driveway. How do I know you dont have a STD? GAWD.
When it comes to things like this. I have NO BALLS. NO SPINE. I never want to be rude. So I stood there being fondled and molested and finally the session ended. I was able to go home. And after curling up in the fetal position and sucking my thumb for 6 hours, I got over it. But every. single. time. I saw that woman for the next 5 months I had to stand there and be molested. And hear about her children. And her sucky husband. And this. And that. And OMG.
Then there was the lady that always wanted us to come over and look at her pet iguana. Yeah, iguana. As in gross. And she had to keep her house at like 90 degrees for her iguana... so I would sweat and bake while she droned on and on about how much she hated Texas and missed Oklahoma and of course, how much she LOVED her iguana.
I could probably go on for another dozen people but as I sit here and think of them all... I swear I am breaking out in hives.
There are times though, I find a friend... when the stars align just so... and I wish that we could be best friends and have sleepovers and talk about boys and french braid each others hair all night long.
When we went last weekend to Milwaukee for my Mom's graduation, we got to the hotel about midnight. And I was starrvvving. So Mr. Bubba went to the front desk and was asking about food and where to go and if they knew anything about where to get a low carb meal.
Suddenly I was being summoned with Bubba to the front desk and this woman was excited. And I dont just mean excited, yeah we share an interest. I mean EXCITED as in I am going to tell you everything you need to know and MORE about being on a low carb diet.
And I was in love.
This woman, Chris, had been on a low carb diet for a year and lost 100 pounds. She gave me tips and hints and encouragement. She opened up the kitchen at the hotel and fed me cottage cheese and hard boiled eggs while she gave me a list of things I could eat. Like beef jerky and pork rinds. All the mother effing pork rinds I could ever eat... cause they have no carbs.
She was the coolest person ever. And for the next 2 hours we talked about everything under the sun and she was awesome. The next night we were patiently waiting like puppies at the window when 11pm rolled around cause she was working that night too.
More cottage cheese and hard boiled eggs!
As we said our goodbyes and great to you meet yous, I gave her a hug and told her she should come back home with me. For a moment I thought she was going to say yes... but thats not how life works. Damnit. But you better believe that Chris's boss will be getting the best letter in the mail about her and her awesomeness.
And I'll probably be on her blog someday as the FREAK that talked about carbs non stop and shoved cottage cheese into her face for hours.
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| Posted by
and rudeness
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Thursday, May 17, 2007
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8:41 AM
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What a great story! It's so cool when you make that kind of connection with a stranger. I feel like the older I get, the less often that sort of thing happens. Yup, there's nothing like small children to ruin your social life.
The nutrition freak in me feels compelled to say... please don't eat ALL the pork rinds you could ever eat. Even though they're carb-free they're not really healthy, like, at all. But I looooove cottage cheese! Do you ever eat it with fruit (melon, peaches, pineapple)? YUM. (And healthy!)
God, I'm sorry I'm such a dork. Nurtition is just one of my things, you know? I can't shut up about it.
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| Posted by
Heidi
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May 17, 2007 7:59 AM
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Step away from the pork rinds...
Just thinking of the fact that someone would eat the skin of a pig makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Yuck Yuck Yuck. Hey, I'm all for the cottage cheese though!
Isn't it wonderful making new friends. I moved to a new state about a year ago, and it took me about 11 months to find normal/cool people to hang out with. Oh, and good luck with your low carb diet. Sounds like it's working out for you!
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| Posted by
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May 17, 2007 9:51 AM
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So you say you can't be rude. What's with the blog name?
And, the belly lady.....yea, I don't think I could tolerate that.
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| Posted by
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May 17, 2007 11:42 AM
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| Oh my god!! I would flip if someone touhed me!! Rude my ass I would be like get the fuck off!!
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| Posted by
Denise
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May 17, 2007 1:53 PM
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